This is going to be a long one. I'm not the most eloquent speaker nor an author, so trying to express my thoughts into a single blog post, especially one surrounding a topic so sensitive to me is going to be very difficult. Whatever I write, I know I won't be satisfied with the final outcome, but I have to at least try.
My name is Jon, aka Ari, aka catfish. I am a 24 year old gay male who suffers from gender dysphoria. You could say I'm trans, but the reason I don't is because I have made the conscious decision to live my life as a male and have no intention to transition. As someone who also suffers from crippling depression, anxiety and PTSD due to things I have experienced in my past, I guess you could say that's the main reason why I've chosen the easier option... I know how terrifying the world is, how evil. And it scares me. My life has been anything but easy, but trans people who openly transition have it the worst. A heartbreaking 70% suicide rate figure reflects this. If I were to ever come out (again) to my friends and family, I'm lucky enough that I can say I would have their full support. I know that's not the case for everyone. I have the utmost respect and admiration for those who are brave enough to transition, but I am not one of them.
Some days are harder than others, but in my real life I think I have made peace with my decision. I'll never find a way to completely fill that void or replace what I feel I've lost, but there are things I have done to help make life manageable and keep me on this earth for my family. Portraying as a female online is one of those reasons.
I'm not saying catfishing is right. It's not, it's wrong whatever the version. But I truly believe it鈥檚 your intentions that matter and I know mine came from this need for comfort and wanting to live out a fantasy than the desire to manipulate and deceive for pleasure. It's been my way ever since I can remember. I don't do it to prey on straight men because let's be honest, I'd of gotten more attention as my real self on a site like Tengaged where the majority of the player base is LGBT. I do it because the Internet is the only place I'll ever get the chance to live as my authentic self and the person I wish I was, albeit no longer Tengaged but because I've met so many amazing people whom I love and adore, it doesn't even matter.
I'd love to wipe the slate clean if you guys will have me. To anyone that's reading I hope you can understand or at least try to and if you're hurt by this announcement, I am truly sorry. From the bottom of my heart, that was never what I wanted.
coming clean is important to me so since you did that i think you鈥檙e good. i don鈥檛 think you鈥檝e done anything significantly wrong (if i鈥檓 incorrect please tell me )
I support you 100% I transitioned at a really young age, so I know how hard it can be for you and you're incredibly strong and have my support 100% you can msg me anytime you need someone who understands you to rant to <3
u didnt need to post this but im proud of u for doing it ari
great that people on this site still find it necessary to "out" people for "genderfaking" as if it hurts them
wow. I can relate to so much of what you said in this blog. Feel free to message me sometimes. Im usually not on, i get on as well to use Tengaged as a site for just writing my feelings and true thoughts down before having to "cover them up" due to social ridicule and exclusion.
Feel free to message me anytime! This was extremely brave of you to do. I recently had a blocked memory come to surface that explains so much but is hard to tell anyone other than my dad. Luckily, he understood and now understands me better for admitting it to him and we have only grown even closer.
Been there, it鈥檚 kinda silly and it makes sense in our own heads but, we know our truths. We鈥檙e scared of rejection and abandonment, so we mask behind an amiable image we expect people to like.
We don鈥檛 know each other but I thought this was so brave, keep reaching out. Also if there鈥檚 a name/pronouns you鈥檇 prefer us to use, please let us know 馃挄 I鈥檇 never want to misgender you or make you uncomfortable etc.
So brave, well done you!! You didn't do anything wrong here either...I don't even see what you did as catfishing as your intentions were good unlike actual catfish.
So strong to make this though, hope to be friends at some point! <3
sending you my love come out as trans to my family last yr still trying to figer out want i want to do with transiting i am at the moment liveing my life as a male and i am doing to thing to make life bearbal for my 1 of witch is being a girl and here and playing with make-up and dressing up as a female in the privecy of my home so i understand ware you comeing form and i know you dont know me but my dms are always open if you want to talk about anything ps sorry for my spelling i have dyslexia
You didn鈥檛 have to tell anyone this to justify yourself, you are not a catfish, you just didn鈥檛 want to expose yourself to everyone. I鈥檒l always be here if you need a friend.
