[Pushes breasts forward, purses lips, and bats eyelashes]
Like, since my girl Jennifer is like learning new language tricks for her man, I'm like TOTALLY doing the same for mine!! Like, it is super important to like be international and like therefore like worldly in your romantic endeavors like take it from someone who has for ser been involved in like many different romantic relationships like if you start like moaning and it comes out in I don't know, like, Swedish or something like that they speak over there, your Man will become like TOTALLY hot and like will probably like be a lot longer lasting if you like CATCH MY DRIFT WHICH I SO KNOW YOU CATCH LIKE EL OH EL!!
SO LIKE, I was like TOTALLY a junior in high school and like was on the CHEERLEADING SQUAD like ADUH!? Because like if you WEREN'T on the squad or like didn't support the CONCEPT OF PEP! then like, ugh like, you wouldn't know like even what to do with your life because like chances are you were just some flat chested emo bitch with like serious self esteem issues, like that is so gross like you should NOT be a hater in any sense of the word like ew. SO like anyway my boyfriend Henry was on the football team and we were like SO in love, like he totally was the third guy I had sex with and like, I wasn't even sore after because he totally rubbed me down with icy-hot and it like SO WORKED!! [Poses for product plug] SO LIKE, and then like we were TOTALLY making out behind the bleachers like just DOING OUR THING and like I started like doing SUPER well like he told me, like, GOOD JOB BRIANNA you are doing like SUPER WELL like GOLD STAR like yeah he told me that and like he totally just got into my heart but like NOT THE POINT I was like THINKING ABOUT FRENCH CLASS because okay like DONT TELL HENRY but like there was this SUPER DELISH guy in my French class at the time named NATE and like I was TOTALLY THINKING ABOUT NATE WHILE I WAS MAKING OUT WITH HENRY LIKE!! and like, so I started counting in French and apparantly that like REALLY TURNED HIM ON so like he liked it a lot, so like.
THE POINT IS YOU GUYS like I am just here to help you all with your boyfriend problems. Like, seriously like, you may think that you can just go back into your closet and wear that pushup bra but you SO CANT. Like, sorry girls but like that extra set of squats is NOT WHAT HE WANTS AND LIKE YOU KNOW LIKE you shouldn't get like SEXY PERFUME EITHER because like HE SO DOESNT WANT THAT!! NO LIKE he wants you to SCREAM in SWAHILI!! he wants you to whisper tenderly in JAPANESE!! like he wants you to totally show up to his work in a lacey getup and take him right there on his desk while SINGING IN GERMAN!! LIKE OH MY GOD!!!!!!! WOOOOOOOOOO FOREIGN LANGUAGES!!!!!
This has been Dating with Bri, have like, a SUPERB DAY!!
[Winks and sits on Abro's lap]