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The Inky's blog

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WINNER #55 - AMBER BKIRCH née MARIANO (SURVIVOR) Feb 13, 2013: Amber has appeared on four reality seasons in her time in the reality television business.

She was in Survivor: The Australian Outback where she was irrelevant almost the entire season as Jerri's lackey before being booted.

She was in The Amazing Race 7 where she was completely and utterly irrelevant compared to Rob. Her one moment was...being helped in Africa because someone recognised her at a Roadblock, I guess

She was in The Amazing Race All-Stars where she did nothing except mislead Charla and Mirna one time, which is basically the highlight of her career.

And she was also in Survivor: All-Stars where she ended up on because every other girl in the universe declined, hooked up with Rob, was put in a bit of trouble because of Rob, then ended up winning when she made sure she answered juror's answers questions correctly and then got proposed to at the finale.

That's...all I really have to say about her. Other people may joke that someone is Amber 2.0 or 3.0 or whatnot, but nobody can really compare to how over 4 seasons of reality television, Amber had nothing outstanding in any of them.

#55. Amber Mariano (Survivor: All-Stars)
#56. Casey Donovan (Australian Idol 2)
#57. Guy Sebastian (Australian Idol 1)
#58. Tyler & James (The Amazing Race 10)
#59. Meghan & Cheyne (The Amazing Race 15)
#60. Yul Kwon (Survivor: Cook Islands)
#61. Owen (Total Drama Island)
#62. Eric & Danielle (The Amazing Race All-Stars)
#63. Freddy & Kendra (The Amazing Race 6)

Next winner appeared on a show where the audience votes.; Points: 36 1 comments
WINNERS #57/56 - GUY SEBASTIAN/CASEY DONOVAN (AUSTRALIAN IDOL) Feb 13, 2013: I never actually got into Australian Idol at all. I remember watching it, I remember liking a few of the songs, but... I never actually really cared about the winners? I remember tidbits of them, but not enough to actually do two seperate rankings - so I decided to compile them.

Guy was some guy with an afro who could sing, that was basically his draw. Much like everyone else who wins these shows, he won over someone way more talented and sold like one album, disappeared into obscurity, then reappeared a few years later as a d-lister.

Casey was much more likeable than Guy and I actually enjoyed seeing her win (I think). Unfortunately she sold like one album then disappeared for good. The most memorable thing about her ten years on is the fact she shares her name with a gay porn star, unfortunately.

#56. Casey Donovan (Australian Idol 2)
#57. Guy Sebastian (Australian Idol 1)
#58. Tyler & James (The Amazing Race 10)
#59. Meghan & Cheyne (The Amazing Race 15)
#60. Yul Kwon (Survivor: Cook Islands)
#61. Owen (Total Drama Island)
#62. Eric & Danielle (The Amazing Race All-Stars)
#63. Freddy & Kendra (The Amazing Race 6)

Next winner was part of a "showmance".; Points: 9 3 comments
WINNER #58 - TYLER & JAMES (THE AMAZING RACE) Feb 13, 2013: 4 Amazing Race winners out and it's only the bottom six - this kinda reflects badly on the show, doesn't it?

But anyway, if there was a winner I cared about the least in the history of all of reality television, these two would be it. They had the flattest personality of any contestants ever, and yet they had to build a win around them. How did the editors do it?

By repeatedly bringing up that they were former drug addicts. Seriously, that's all they talked about. Here's an excerpt:

"This morning we woke up, still former drug addicts. We had a shower, because we needed to wash off the fact that we are former drug addicts. We then had some breakfast, not with drugs, because we don't do those anymore, being former drug addicts. We had a morning run, free of drugs, because we're former drug addicts. We saw a bum on the side of the road doing drugs, which reminded us that we were in fact former drug addicts, who overcame our addiction together."

I really have nothing more to say about these two, because they're legitimately completely and utterly uninteresting.

#58. Tyler & James (The Amazing Race 10)
#59. Meghan & Cheyne (The Amazing Race 15)
#60. Yul Kwon (Survivor: Cook Islands)
#61. Owen (Total Drama Island)
#62. Eric & Danielle (The Amazing Race All-Stars)
#63. Freddy & Kendra (The Amazing Race 6)

Next winner is from an Australian show.; Points: 24 3 comments
WINNER #59 - MEGHAN & CHEYNE (THE AMAZING RACE) Feb 13, 2013: It's a stupid picture, but try not to be fooled into thinking these two had any emotions besides being high on their own smug throughout the season.

There are only a few winners I outright dislike, and they round out the bottom five of this ranking. Other winners I'm apathetic towards, or begrudgingly appreciative of.

So what does Meghan and Cheyne do to deserve hatred?

Well, for starters they filled the Freddy/Kendra role of being the boring winners of a horrible season. But unlike Freddy/KKKendra, they were overdogs who won basically every leg and sucked any suspense that was in the horrible dredge of a season out. They won every leg while having petty, uninteresting little "arguments", if they can be called that, without ever going anywhere or affecting their performance. It was infuriating watching them dominate without any competition whatsoever, and act like smug condescending turds towards every other team as well.

Cheyne's one personality trait besides condescension? He wore a lot of hair gel. Meghan's one personality trait? She was good at challenges.

Would any other team on the season have been a better choice to win? Somewhat. Sam & Dan were alright, and Brian & Ericka were clusterfuck incarnate, and even the Globetrotters were entertaining at some points, but there wasn't really much hope for this season anyway. Just seeing these boring smug asses just stroll their way to a victory was so infuriating I couldn't help but hate them for it nearly forever.

#59. Meghan & Cheyne (The Amazing Race 15)
#60. Yul Kwon (Survivor: Cook Islands)
#61. Owen (Total Drama Island)
#62. Eric & Danielle (The Amazing Race All-Stars)
#63. Freddy & Kendra (The Amazing Race 6)

Next winner out: won a season based on alliances.; Points: 36 5 comments
Up to the first immunity challenge Feb 13, 2013: I'm actually in awe of the fans tribe - I thought they'd be boring

They're actually more interesting than they have any right to be; Points: 0 0 comments
WINNER #60 - YUL KWON (SURVIVOR) Feb 12, 2013: Let's get this out of the way - Cook Islands, much like The Amazing Race 6, is a shitty season. Actually, maybe that's a bit harsh - it's a hideously boring season that belongs nowhere outside of the bottom 5 Survivor seasons of all time. Shitty is a bit harsh when talking about non-Redemption Island seasons. So naturally, a hideously boring season will have a hideously boring final five, a hideously boring final tribal council, and a hideously boring winner.

Yul Kwon was that winner - the main twist of Cook Islands was that the tribes were initially divided by race, which is a huge thing for Americans apparently? So naturally, everybody went out there super conscious about how they were going to look on television, and none more so than Yul Kwon. The man who didn't show an ounce of emotion whilst playing. The man who answered everything as politically correctly as possible. Basically, a guy who goes on, plays the game, wins, and tries to be as uncontroversial and un-Asian as possible. He wandered past "boring" and stayed for 39 days in "devoid of entertainment". You could feel yourself age as you watched Yul Kwon on television.

Exciting television he is not.

And that's not even getting into the circumstances surrounding him making the finals in the first place. I'm going to gloss over his over-powered idol, and instead will talk about his second-half story. See, at the Final 12, there were six people on the Aitu tribe and six people on the Raro tribe. Aitu has been winning everything and steamrolling everything, and Raro are only there equal to them because lol-twists. Jeff Probst offers a chance for anyone to mutiny over to the other tribe, and lo and behold Candice and Jonathan take it. Aitu are suddenly down to four, the underdogs against a tribe of eight.

The only place on the planet that these guys are actually rootworthy underdogs that you want to win is on paper. They have nothing interesting or likeable about them besides...I dunno, Sundra's baby she had at home? Ozzy climbed stuff? They did nothing of note or interest except the bare bones of what underdogs do, and that's just win against their opponents.

So naturally, the producers ate that shit up and threw in some twists to help them enter the merge with more even numbers. After which Yul got them to the Final Four, went on to face the jury in a surprise final three, where he beat Ozzy by one vote.

Now I'm not saying he's a bad player. He's an adequate player and a good politician. But do you know what politicians also tend to generally do on Survivor? Not make waves, give good diplomatic answers and think things through - stuff that I never want to see on my Survivor screen. Add onto the fact that he was so hyper aware of everything he was doing on screen because he wanted to make a good impression of Asian people? A boring, unsatisfying Survivor winner make. When I'd rather see Ozzy, douchebag extraordinaire, win instead, it says so much about the general quality of that final five.

#60. Yul Kwon (Survivor: Cook Islands)
#61. Owen (Total Drama Island)
#62. Eric & Danielle (The Amazing Race All-Stars)
#63. Freddy & Kendra (The Amazing Race 6)

Number 59 is from a season with stunt-casting.; Points: 15 1 comments

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Inky's blog

The Inky's blog

1...16171819 Posts 113 posts

1...16 17 18 19
Posts 113 posts