1stNov 22, 2018
- Honestly, I didn't really know how to write this. For the last few years, I've actually detested this holiday, not because of the holiday itself, but because of who I've spent it with. Now that it's just me and my mother for Thanksgiving, I feel like this year, I guess I could finally say I'm thankful to have a Thanksgiving to look forward to. Besides, I doubt anyone will care about what I have to say for Thanksgiving this year.
I tried to think of what else I've been thankful for this year, and honestly, it was hard to think of anything. I think of the journeys I had been on during my time here, and then had seen each and every one of them come to an ending I wish would have turned out much better because many of them turned out to be downright terrible. I think back to the very thing I had wanted to change about myself this year (to learn to forgive myself) and then realize that, as much as I want to do that, I don't see how I can. Even as I think back to it all, I remember the days I should have celebrated and then cry as I finally talk about them.
But then today I thought of something else. Maybe I should have thought of how it wasn't about the destination at all, and maybe someday, I'll have to learn everything I thought I knew again. It still saddens me to think about it, but maybe thinking about the good old days is the happiest I'll ever get. So in a sense, I am thankful for the life I live, the friends I made, the friends I had lost, and also the journeys I have taken here because, at the end of the day, I don't think I would have it any other way. Maybe that sounds selfish on my part, but if it does, then I guess I'm thankful to be selfish sometimes as well.
I won't be able to tag everyone, so if I don't tag you, don't think for even a moment that I'd forgotten about you. I haven't, and even if I don't tag you and you're my friend, I am thankful for you too.
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