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heatherlum

heatherlum's blogBlog

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Its Been 9 years, Remember Suicide is not the answer.

2ndAug 29, 2018 by heatherlum
imageSo as some of you may know that I my little sister committed suicide. Its been nine long years. On 8/29/2009 my little sister Phylllie took her life. Her demons were just that strong. Phyllie was my little light. She was beautiful and amazing. She never judged me. Ohh I wish she was here today with me. She would get it (Yes Ella she would love you, simply because you make me happy). She left behind 3 kids. There growing up and I'm not there for them. I'm not allowed to be.

I remember the call I got. My sister Becky asking if I was sitting down. I asked her to just tell me. At that point I thought the worst thing that could ever happen is that one of the cats got hit. Now I know better. She told me and I threw the phone. "Phyllis is dead". Thaught somehow if I threw the phone it wouldn't be true. That it was some sick joke or I was dreaming. Not at all. I made it to her house and the ugly facts came out. Three days later her funeral was held. Her coffin was well a fucking box with what they said was my sister in it. It was cold. I could not bring myself to touch her. That was not my sister. My sister was bright eyed. My sister was alive. I remember feeling anger. People were walking by the funeral home and smiling and I wanted to hurt them. How dare they smile when my heart was being ripped from my body.

My sweet little sister, the one that I used to play in the toy box with for hours on end, the one I used to tell my secrets to, the one who had a baby boy two months to the day older then mine. The one who I loved so very much was reduced to a shell in a box. She was truly gone and it hit me. It hits me often. Today especially. Today I'm going to allow myself to be sad. I'm going to allow the tears to fall, I'm going to Hopefully talk to my girl friend. I'm going to cook and bake. Some how I'm going make it threw this day.

The cold hard facts are this. She overdosed on hydrocodone. She took way too many and she knew what she was doing. She was choosing to end her pain. Yes I get that. Her pain was just too much. She chose it.

I am asking each and ever one of you to reach out to me if you ever need a person to talk to. I am here. Suicide is not the answer.

Btw. The picture if of my sister as my wedding. The last time I ever saw her alive. She was 23.

Comments

omg this is so sad :( I am so sorry to hear it, why are you not allowed to see your nephews?
Sent by Katherinee_,Aug 29, 2018
Katherinee_ Two nephews and one niece. Well her husband is a pos and she doesnt really like my family. They move all the damn time. I have no contact with them. For a bit i did but then things went down hill. I ask about them and thats as much as i can do.
Sent by heatherlum,Aug 29, 2018
i cri
Sent by patricenka9,Aug 29, 2018
couldn’t read this
kinda hit too close to home for me so i stopped
but i do want to say, i’m sorry for your loss. I bet she was amazing. I know the type. And i can tell you really loved her!!!
Sent by JourdanBabyXoXo,Aug 29, 2018
;(
Sent by FireWolf,Aug 29, 2018
jourdanbabyxoxo Thank you and I did. Im sorry it hit close to home for you. Thats what im trying to prevent, is another family to loose there loved one.
Sent by heatherlum,Aug 29, 2018
I’ll pray for you and your family. <3
Sent by FromAWindow,Aug 29, 2018
heatherlum yeah glad you posted it
it’s important!!!!
Sent by JourdanBabyXoXo,Aug 29, 2018
i pray for u and ur family. such a sad story and i wish u the best of luck in the future.
Sent by spartagow,Aug 29, 2018
<3
Sent by maturo,Aug 29, 2018
Thanks for sharing. My sister attempted last year. I wish people didn’t feel that they needed to do that. I can’t imagine the struggle they go through.
Sent by brosky17,Aug 29, 2018
++
Sent by Ari_,Aug 29, 2018
Awwwww this breaks my heart :/
Sent by Thumper91,Aug 29, 2018
Breaks my heart.

Sending love
Sent by Ashutosh,Aug 29, 2018
This is heartbreaking, I can't even imagine. I'm so sorry for your loss :(
Sent by Tyler93,Aug 29, 2018
heartbreaking, the strength and outlook you have is beautiful but no one deserves to suffer through this, on both sides. Never blame yourself
Sent by BluJay112,Aug 30, 2018
Heatherlum I am so sorry for your loss. The bravery it takes to express your raw feelings from that time, it's heartbreaking.
Thank you for posting this. I'm sorry this is your reality, she was so young.
Sent by Yoshitomi,Aug 30, 2018
This is really sad :( sorry for ur loss!
Sent by Blitszims,Aug 30, 2018
*hugs* <3333
Sent by Minniemax,Aug 30, 2018
so sad :/
Sent by Papanamericanoo,Aug 30, 2018
Aww heather 😢 thank you for sharing this story. Love you
Sent by k4r4k,Aug 30, 2018
thank you
Sent by Jacadeux,Aug 30, 2018
:( sorry for ur loss
Sent by laughingoutloud,Aug 30, 2018
Very brave of you to share this. Im sorry for your loss, thinking of you x
Sent by damo1990,Aug 30, 2018
Gosh this got me near teary. So sorry 😔❤️
Sent by Roshy,Aug 30, 2018
<3. Sorry for your loss sweetie
Sent by LittleMix,Aug 30, 2018
❤️❤️❤️ stay strong queen and if UUU need anything u can skype me whenever
Sent by alanb1,Aug 30, 2018
:( i can’t imagine how painful this entire experience has been for you, but it’s so inspiring to see you advocating for awareness and using this as a motivation to help others who are also struggling. Stay strong
Sent by seapoose,Aug 30, 2018
Really sad story, she had so much to live for. Stay strong and enjoy life.
Sent by Ari_,Aug 30, 2018

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