So , its no secret that i've been gone awhile and don't talk to my skype friends anymore. (I miss you all very very much and love yall)
But I realized my depression getting worse and worse, i think because of always being the "butt of the joke", its all in harmless good fun, but when EVERYONE starts doing it, it feels like an attack, and it gets old.
Being the butt of the joke constantly and literally being a meme in our own group (so ive heard from ianfitz0012 although he says he's "over" me now LMAO) is fine and kind of endearing. Its me who takes everthing to heart. So I think I worked my way out of it because it wasnt the best for my mental health at the time so I had to leave. Thats just a theory because im not sure why i stopped or when i stopped talking to them, lol. so it wasnt a conscious thing at the time, but its what I needed.
just like repetitive tasks, working, playing LOL, all that bullshit get tired and annoying and old. And like I said, its not their fault at all, i know it was mostly harmless and I just take EVERYTHING personally.
(referring to the depression, not my skype friends) It got so bad I had to check myself into a mental hospital sorta, I started drinking and just hated everything and didnt want to be on this earth anymore, and I hurt myself just to stop the actual emotion pain. Luckily, I found a place I really enjoy and am doing therapy and its incredibly freeing. I hope I can look back when im older and learn something from this.
Asking for help wasn't easy because I didnt think I was suicidal ENOUGH to need help, because I could never, ever kill myself and hurt other people such as my family and my dad. But its "suicide ideation". To put it simply, it means "dont want to live, but dont want to die" . And it means I have a LOT of trauma im trying to work through, and its so painful that youd rather die. You just want the pain to stop.
Enough of my rambling, please be aware of your mental health and cut out toxic relationships. An ddont be afraid to ask for help. It helped me, and I have *YEARS AND YEARS (LOL) of trauma. Therapy is one of he best things I ever did.
We love you shay and meant no harm to you or your health. It's okay that you left us but know that everyone still sings your name in songs out of love. Message me sis if you need anything
“Enough of my rambling, please be aware of your mental health and cut out toxic relationships. An ddont be afraid to ask for help. It helped me, and I have *YEARS AND YEARS (LOL) of trauma. Therapy is one of he best things I ever did.“
I love this. A lot of people should read that and really distance themselves from the disgusting people on this site that make fun of mental illness on the daily.
I go to therapy once a month and there’s nothing to be ashamed of. I honestly think everyone should have a therapist. I’m glad you got the help you needed
yall have read me wrong, I understand what you mean and appreciate it, but we all fucked with each other. It wasn't only me (it was often zeptis too), we all fucked around, made memes, made fun of each other, etc. The toxicity (of our city) is mostly referring to me i've been trying to be in relationships with moreso than my skype friends.
The point is we ALL fucked with each other, no one should be blamed, tempers flared up all the time. I'm just not as strong or confident a person as they probably thought I was.. ShayyBayy is me yes but was also complete opposite too. Loud and obnoxious is what i'd describe it lol and always having to voice an opinion. I dont regret it, ive fought with most people that have posted on this blog lol ( zachbbs). When you can learn to not dislike yourself so much and take a joke and just not give a fuck anymore, thats also super freeing as well.
I love all of them nothing will ever change, it was just a bad portion of my life we were all in. They've been the most supportive to me the past year after my mother died, we were all teenagers once who liked to fuck with each other but most of us have grown from it (not aquamarine fuck that lil bitch) saraj10 i love all of you too, i know you didnt mean harm in it, don't worry. I'm not trying to say all of you gave me depression because that is certainly not the case (except for aquamarine fuck hat lil bitch) Love and miss yall lots, ill figure out discord and come on one day I *swear*
I don't know you personally, but whenever I would see the meme blogs about you, I assumed you were in on the joke and was enjoying it because of your reaction.
It just goes to show that you don't truly know how others are feeling when we're all anonymous faces on the internet.
Thanks for being so brave and sharing your story. :)
catch_a_falling_star in all honesty, that was probably before I won stars. Its so lame but I had to stay.. not controversial but not boring, tengays loves the drama
after that it was fine and all cause i was still around, I mostly fought (on their behalf) with people who came for them cause theyre my lil family lol.
