I, MichelleObama bring you the newest products to revolutionize your lives. It is none other than the Zoeygasms Hair Products™. I know what you're thinking, "Is this ho trying to sell me hair spray for my nappy roots?" Nope, even better I have found multiple uses for Zoeygasms's hair that I have made into several products that YOU can buy!
Zoeygasms Umbrellas™: $15.99
Don't you just hate when you get your hair done, and just as you leave the salon it starts raining? I sure do hate that, so I used the waterproof properties of Zoeygasms hair and have made into a fashionable new umbrella that keeps the rain off you. Plus the umbrella grows in response to how much water is coming down, so you can be sure your new do will stay fresh and dry.
Modeled here by Florina: http://i.imgur.com/j96m2yC.jpg
Zoeygasms Tents™: $99.99
Even though some of y'all ain't much of those outdoors people, Zoeygasms hair is great for making roomy and comfortable tents. Also, the hair is extra strong so you don't have to worry about making Sea Bear circles around your campsite, because this tent will more than surely keep you safe.
Modeled here by LiteCitrus: http://i.imgur.com/nJWhB1G.jpg
Zoeygasms Nuclear Shelters™: $999.99
With the recent bombings occuring, this product has been flying off the shells. Zoeygasms hair is resistant to nuclear radiation, so you don't have to worry about selling your children into the sex trade in order to find a spot in a sub-par nuclear shelter:
Testing process picture: http://i.imgur.com/v5FrHpX.jpg
OH NO! mahogany was in there, are you ok Jason?: http://i.imgur.com/OIBMyu0.jpg
Zoeygasms Life Rafts™: $299.99
As seen in the Titanic, sometimes we don't always have enough life boats to go around. That's okay, because these life rafts are not only cheap, but they are insulated so that you never feel cold in those long nights out at sea. Also, if you dig deep enough through the strands, you can find fishing gear, sunglasses, sunscreen, a can of Zoeygasms Condensed Clit Soup™, and a CD player that contains the SwitchBullies Debut Album.
Modeled here by Olympia and KittyTheEmolga after getting lost in the Arabian Gulf: http://i.imgur.com/8tWCMUM.jpg
I raise the hair in my own greenhouse outside of the White House. I raise them to the highest quality, making sure they get watered, fertilized, shampoo'd, and conditioned.
A picture of me watering the plants: http://i.imgur.com/NsABnEs.jpg
Please contact me if you would like to place an order. If you mail me with our limited time coupon code: "GETTHATHEALTHCARE" I will reduce the price of your order by 10%, WHAT A DEAL! Order now! :)
AND THE NUMBER 1 BLUES CHARACTER OF ALL TIME IS
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SIDETABLE DRAWER
Sidetable Drawer is the absolute queen of Blues Clues. She has a prime furniture real estate position, right next to the Thinking Chair. Sidetable Drawer holds the single most important role on the show, the Gaurdian of the Handy Dandy Notebook. When the show ends and it is time for end credits she quickly locks away the notebook in her drawer and must fend off evil characters such as Mailbox, Shovel, and Miss Marigold from stealing the Handy Dandy Notebook and doing lord knows what with it. She is shy, but it is because she has seen so much pain and suffering when guarding the notebook that she just doesn't know who to trust anymore. However all that pain is what brings all the souful passion behind her extravagant singing voice. She is a goddess and #1 on our countdown. Thank you for reading
TheGoodMan
AND THE NUMBER 1 BLUES CHARACTER OF ALL TIME IS
