I cannot believe it took 3 episodes to make it through the first fucking elimination, but how else was I going to introduce 10 other contestants along with some critical NPCs without making the longest fucking script in history.
Reflecting on the previous week, I didn’t have my best performance but I am here and one of my biggest enemies is outside of the house. Production let us know we’d be having our first ever photoshoot this week, which has me excited. I had a message on my PDA telling me that the theme for this week is the Seasons, of which I was assigned Summer.
I headed to Erica’s boutique where I was thinking of dressing myself in Daisy Dukes, bikini on top. However, I was floored by this beautiful blue gown she had designed for the summer collection. It was blue like the color blue; and was covered in jewels as if it was covered in jewels. I immediately snatched it up, thinking that some summer-themed formal wear would make me standout against all the girls who were probably going to be in beach wear. That being said, I was also afraid of overdressing, so I also bought a fun red hat to dress down the outfit a bit. It was perfect. I felt like a top model contestant who was wearing a blue dress and a red hat.
After that, I didn’t have anything else on the agenda, so I thought I’d socialize a bit more and get to know people a little bit better. Ironically, my closest relationship in the house was with my driver Eric. He’s been a home away from home while I’m away from my boyfriend Thomas. Every day Eric tells me how beautiful I am. He’s sweet, but I could never cheat on Thomas. That being said, I don’t mind being a tease for information. I asked him if he had any dirt on the judges or other contestants. He told me that Dave the trainer is from a country that exports a lot of potassium, and that host Victoria’s real name is actually Julie.
Nothing particularly useful, but interesting nonetheless. I headed to the gym to fit in a workout with Dave where I confronted him about his nationality, and he revealed himself to be from Kazakhstan. Very cool, but I don’t think they vaccinate for hepatitis where he comes from, so I’ll be bringing some hand sanitizer and fresh hand towel that I will trash immediately after to every workout from now on.
I headed back to the house to talk to some of the girls. I was hoping to shoot the breeze with Katie, since we bonded over talking shit about Monica last week. However, she was very displeased to see me. She says all I want to do is gossip and talk shit, which isn’t wrong, but rude and annoying. Clearly, I can’t rely on Katie to be my friend anymore.
I hit up my next best Judy, now my #1 Judy, Heather. As a home-schooled rich girl, she doesn’t really grasp the nuances of manipulation and social interaction. So, I decided to gas-light her, I told her everyone in the house hates her and I’m her only friend. This will keep her in line and me in the loop of any information she obtains. I hugged her and gave her some air kisses and went off to bed.
Apparently, people like to get their daily dose of confrontation in in the mornings, because as I was about to leave for my day in the city, Sarah comes up. She talks about how I sleep with my mouth open and how I look stupid. She’s also mad that we both decided to wear the same hat, and that she was going to make one of us change. We came to blows, but this time I bested her ass. One quick shove to the floor was all I needed to get her to back off. I would post footage, but production has told me that the cameras weren’t rolling. I guess me winning a fight is not part of a narrative they want to push. Whatever.
As I arrived in the city, I found out that this week everyone was getting MAKEOVERS! I’m willing to take any haircut they want to throw at me. Christine the beautician told me that my jawline is too beautiful to hide behind shoulder-length hair, and told me I was getting a shorter cut colored blonde to bring out my eyes and complexion. I really think this look is gonna age me, but I’m not gonna be the girl who goes home because she didn’t want to submit to a makeover. She also painted my face with teal eyeshadow, periwinkle eyeliner, and orange lipliner with no lipstick. I felt so beautiful. The colors in my hair and makeup are really gonna wake the judges up like “wake up guys!” I was then informed I needed to head to the photo studio immediately, as it was time for me to be in my first photoshoot.
I headed to the photo studio to meet the photographer Peter. He was a total sleeze-bag, but I figured a few flirty giggles and eyelash bats might get me some extra frames in the photoshoot.
The photoshoot was me against a summery picnic backdrop. I was told I only had 3 frames to shoot, so I had to make them count. I took a deep breath, exhaled, and refused to breathe for the next minute as I banged out my shots. I was able to land a stunning shot with one hand on my head and the other on my hip. Before leaving, Peter gave me some good feedback. I confidently returned home and went off to sleep.
I awoke the next morning to terrified shrieks from Jaime. “Y-You’re face” she whimpered incredulously. I quickly ran to the full-length body mirror on the wall with mouth agape. My face had completely broken out in acne. I forgot to wash off my photoshoot makeup from the night before. Jaime yanked me by the arm to the bathroom to wash everything off. She gave me a full facial cleanse with products we had between us, along with taking a dab or two of stuff from Heather’s shower caddy.
I had my doubts about Jaime originally, but maybe I was wrong about her. She told me Christine might be able to cover me up enough to pass on the runway. I thanked her and told her if she ever needed any favors to call me.
Luckily, I was able to have Christine re-apply my makeup before I went out on the runway for judging. Once again, my catwalk was superb, and I received positive feedback from all the judges, much better than last week.
And once again, it’s time for callouts and another elimination. This week I feel like I stand a good chance of leading the pack, and this doesn’t come from a deluded sense of self-grandeur this time.
First callout and best photo goes to…….. Barbara (ok I guess, she isn’t gonna get any screen time otherwise. We love a no personality gamebot)
2nd photo ………….. Mel (YES YES YES YES, I redeemed myself. Epic poggers moment for me)
3rd photo……. Sarah (although I would like to see her lower in the callout order, all that matters is that I beat her this week)
4th photo…. Hannah
5th photo…… Nicole
6th photo…… Heather (yay! Hugs my bestie)
7th photo…. Monica
8th photo….. Katie
The bottom 2 girls Jaime and Kimberly then stepped forward. If you had asked me last week, I would have wanted Jaime to go. But, after she saved my acne-ridden ass this morning, I couldn’t bear the thought of her leaving. Kimberly is a nice girl, but really nothing special at the end of the day. I held my breath as Victoria aka Julie revealed the final photo
.……………………….. Jaime (yessssssss).
I gave Jaime a tearful hug as she approached the rest of us safe girls. Kimberly probably wanted to get off camera as quick as possible as to not be caught crying, so she blew us some kisses from the catwalk and immediately dipped. Poor thing.
The show has begun to pick up some steam in the ratings, a few people in the city are starting to recognize me and the girls on the street now. I figured I’d interact with some of them walking by. Turns out I’m not really well liked. One woman thinks I’m very unprofessional. I thought I would at least be liked by the gays, but this one faggot I talked to was pissed at me over his fave Vanessa’s elimination. Like boohoo.
It’s a new day, yes, it is.
