This blog may be long, I don't really know, I'm just going to type & see where it goes because I need to get this off my chest. If you're going to be triggered by recollections of child abuse, stop reading now.
The past 10 days have been incredibly hard for me. Some of my close friends know what's been going on, some were even there for me on call when it all started. 10 days ago I had to call the police on my mom & stepdad for abusing my 10 year old sister (we have the same mom, different dad, but I'll consistently just refer to her as my sister). My sister texted me from my brother's phone, who also still lives at home, and told me that she was hiding in the basement scared to leave because her parents have been hitting her. She told me she was scared to fall asleep because she didn't know what would happen in the morning. I talked to her for over 2 hours before calling the police.
This was apparently the 4th incident in recent times of my sister's parents attempting to or actually hitting my sister. My mom had hit her once for taking too long to get ready, my stepdad had slapped her across the face for saying "okay" with an attitude, my stepdad (who is her softball coach) also grabbed her by her helmet's face mask and dragged her by it and then this day he had tried to hit her, but she moved out of the way in time and ran away so he couldn't hit her. These are all my sister's personal recollections.
I have 6 siblings, I'm the exact middle child of all 7 of us. When we were growing up, I was abused. I have an older sister and she got the brunt of the abuse. Her & I were best friends as kids because I was the gay brother & she was my only sister. We did everything together, so when she would get hit, I would stand up for her and try to help, which would just lead to me being hit as well.
My older sister left when I was 11 and I actually just saw her for the first time since then earlier this year. After she left, I got abused the worst. I'm talking locked outside barefoot and being forced to walk to my dad's house, being thrown through doors, being forced to the ground and kicked by both my mom & my stepdad at the same time and screaming for help. They told me nobody would hear my calls for help and even if they did, they wouldn't care. Those are just a few of the worse events that I can remember vividly.
When my sister told me that she had been getting hit, I was in shock. My siblings never thought that they would start hitting my sister because she's 10+ years younger than all of us and was my mom/stepdad's miracle baby. I never thought the same, abusers don't change. It's mostly my mom getting upset with her for dumb reasons & then my stepdad taking it to the next level by threatening her (i.e. he threatened to "knock her teeth out" recently too). However, this is the first time that I'm being told it's getting physical.
I'm extremely scared for my sister because I know what my mom & stepdad are capable of. They abuse, then gaslight and make you think that you're the reason you got hit. I struggled with this for a long time through my teen years. It's the main point where my anxiety/self-doubt stems from, trying to beg teachers, counselors, therapists, police officers for help and nobody listening to me or any of my other siblings.
Unfortunately, I'm really the only one of my adult siblings (all but my younger sister) that turned out semi-okay. Two of them have kids, none of them have real jobs and none of them are in school pursuing careers. Not to knock on my siblings too much, but I'm scared that my younger sister won't turn out okay because a track record of 1/6 doesn't look good.
My sister has been staying at my house with my grandma and I since last Tuesday night, but my grandma is honestly horrible. She's my mom's mother & she's very susceptible to my mom's gaslighting/manipulation tactics. She's turned some random little thing into a huge argument with my sister every single day that she's been here without fail. I've had to step in a few times too to defend my sister, like tonight when my grandma started throwing chairs because my sister was "taking too long on her iPad." My sister told me that triggered her because "that's what her dad will usually do."
My family is fucked up. White trash. Bottom of the barrel. Unfortunately, the systems we have in place to protect & help victims of child abuse are broken. There's already been a social worker that's come to our house and had already talked to my mom/stepdad, then talked to my sister, then to me. As soon as she started talking to me, she questioned my motives, asking if I was only getting involved because of my current court case with my stepdad (I have a restraining order against him & he has a criminal case going on for domestic assault & battery).
The social worker told me that there's no reason my sister shouldn't be at home right now & asked me to encourage her to start thinking about going home. I replied that my sister has made it clear that her parents are hitting her & she feels unsafe going home, so until that changes I will not encourage her to do anything. I told the social worker that all of my siblings & I were hit growing up, to which she typed something on her Chromebook & said "yup." She clearly didn't care about anything but taking the easy route by letting my sister go home to her abusers.
I don't know where to go from here. I feel powerless in this situation & I feel like I'm the only one that's been willing to grow a pair of balls and stand up for my little sister. None of my other siblings will openly get involved & my other family members don't think it's their place to step in.
I'm lost. I'm sad. I'm angry. All I want is for my sister to be safe. She doesn't deserve to go through what I had to go through my entire childhood. I'm scared that I'll never see her again, just like with what happened with my older sister & that she's going to be stuck with nowhere to go.
I don't know if I need advice or just needed to rant and type this up, but it's been a LOT lately. This has brought up so many old emotions for me that I thought I had processed, but rehashing my entire abuse story to my sister's therapist, social worker, police officers, has been extremely taxing on my psyche. It's not something I enjoy talking about, but it's something that needs to be shared for the betterment of my sister.
I'm doing the best that I can with the current cards that are in my hand, so I can say that proudly and know that no matter what happens, I did everything I could to protect my sister. I love her more than anything & I just pray to whatever god or higher power is out there that she turns out okay at the end of all of this, even if I can't be involved in her life.
Comments
Oh my goodness! I鈥檓 so sorry for you and your sister! :( ugh 馃挃
Im so sorry to hear that Anthony, if you ever need to talk im here. Child abuse is horrible and Ill be keeping you and your sister in my thoughts :( <3
i just read this entire blog. I think you should talk to her school counselor and see if she can get a social outlet at school as someone to talk to regularly with whats going on at home. It can be a safe place for her to talk to someone behind a closed door while she's away. You sound like a great loving big brother and she's lucky to have someone like you that cares and is there for her when you can. <3
Definitely need to encourage your sister to consistently keep telling people she can trust about these things...
whether it be you or someone at school, like a counselor or teacher so that way things could begin getting reported to the social workers if it was to advance too far ever
Holy shit...I can't even imagine what you're going through, all of this is just awful :( I wish I had helpful advice for you to help you and your sister get through this the best way possible. Sending you a bunch of hugs <3
Okay but why is this also my childhood too. I actually feel like the psychological abuse is worse than the physical abuse sometimes cause of how lasting the effects are. Like...my sisters and I are fucked for life cause of the shit we endured no matter how much therapy we go to.
I know it's not much, but I mean...I view you as a friend Anthony and as someone who's gone through similar events, I'm always here to talk if you need to.
Sorry to hear that. We love you and hope the best for you and youre sister, that's dumb that police or anyone will get involved.. Did you talk to child protection agency?
I鈥檓 sorry Anthony. I have been through a similar situation and it is very hard. Child protection services are the absolute worse and could care less about kids that actually need help. The only thing I would advise is if your sister can get a video on the low. With video proof child protection services have no choice but to intervene.
