That in my absence I've been replaced as the President of the lemonface Tengaged Fan Club by none other than Kindred7
I hereby transfer all of the archives over to you for curation. However just so you've been warned this user will use you, chew you up and spit you out when you're no longer available to feed her ego 24/7/365
And the worst part is you'll still be obsessed with her
Remember when I told you over a year ago Hillary Clinton is incapable of winning an election and your smug liberal ass told me you would enjoy my reaction when she won and I killed myself
I have returned to Tengaged to claim my crown as the realest nigga on the site thanks to my one and only lemonface I love you bae although I did earn this by doing literally everything for you in the past week
I know it's been a while sweethearts, but I feel the need to share this with all of you, a true Tengaged meetup disaster. For any of you who may be thinking of doing this, if your man hasn't already left you for jenzie and the plans are still in the works, I would advise against it NOW. Some of you already know I met up with lemonface in August and again in January and everything seemed so perfect, but we met again this week and it quickly became apparent that the first two times she was acting fake and hiding her bad habits/undesirable behavioural tendencies in order to "catfish" me or whatever so here's the full story for anybody who's interested. This is not an attack on her, merely a warning.
For a whole week I was kept awake all night by a cacophony of heavy breathing and snoring, blanket-hogging and being near pushed off the bed. I was subject to verbal abuse being accused of having a "fat pouch" to being likened to female bunny cartoon characters (Judy Hopps) and was also accused of being actors Jeff Goldblum and Joel Kinnaman on numerous occasions. Not only that, but I was also tricked into getting drunk and taken advantage of (consistently blowing .3 higher on the portable BAC breathalyser).
Joking aside, we enjoyed a spectacular week of fun and debauchery and all in all it was a successful third meeting. Despite only being there for 9 nights we managed to pack a lot into the trip. We visited a haunted house, swam with dolphins and were chased by sushies, climbed a volcano and went banana collecting as well as seeing Blue Man Group (good show), riding dirty Boston subway and my favourite part as always enjoying the delicacies of American cuisine (including my first trip to Olive Garden shoutout to Brian Redban, about 20 trips to Dunkin' Donuts in which 2 of those orders were correct and many other places).
The week also saw the formulation of my drag career as either Aquafina or Judy Hopps, name still undecided and pictures redacted until I perfect my makeup and sissy my walk to an acceptable standard.
Here is a particularly candid pic of me right after I left that Becca screenshotted from snapchat: http://i.imgur.com/eISQhaA.png