Lemonface's 21st Birthday Review

Aug 2, 2014 by FrOntIeRpSyChIaTrIsT

The taxi arrived at 10pm sharp. Lemonface's 21st Birthday Party was finally here and it was time to leave. As I sipped my pale ale, "Come On Eileen" by Dexys Midnight Runners blasted over the speakers and me and the lads made the final preparations for the big do. It was me, Drubert Sterne, and Bryan "Jiu Jitsu" Peters and the three of us would be sharing a taxi to get to the party.
"Right lads. It's 8pm flat. Taxi's here." I announced, and as usual it was Bryan who was last to get ready. He showed up right before the taxi driver started fuming and making threats of an increased fare.
"Sorry dude had an ORG challenge," said Bryan as he clambered into the taxi.
"You and your bloody ORG challenges!" said Dru as he closed the door and turned to the driver. "Yo! Home to Bel-Air!"

When we arrived, there was a weird atmosphere about the place. We were among the first few to arrive, but Becca was already there with her hamplanet friend, Shay. Becca was around 5'6 and would have fought in the Flyweight division were she a UFC fighter. She had a slender figure and beautiful naturally wavy hair reaching half way down her back which looked various shades of brown in different lights and a sexy pale complexion. She was almost too good looking to be real, the kind of girl that only exists in a movie, not real life. Shay was quite the opposite, but charming in her own way and a favourite of Bryan. Becca greeted me with a kiss on the cheek as usual. I showed my muscle to my mates and we continued into the bar where the party would be taking place. There were tables set out for the different groups which would be arriving, a seating plan of sorts. As I walked across the bar I noticed the largest section was set out for the "16 Year Old Gayboys" and I saw xbadgirlblondex sitting there alone, texting on his phone. Obviously he'd arrived earlier than the rest of the group. The "Older Gayboys" and "Old Women" section was currently populated by Ian Fitz and gagaluv respectively, gaga already embarrassingly dancing to an Iggy Azalea song which was playing at minimal volume as the proceedings hadn't even yet officially begun. Finally we were led to our table, the "Straight Guys" table. The people sharing with myself, Dru and Bryan were Kiren and Joel, the two bros who would be showing up together later after their poker game and Ben/Benjamin/Black Ben/Rich Homie Ben/Brenda Song.

It was 11pm sharp, and the place was beginning to fill up. Notable arrivals included dav_o_79 who showed up already drunk and in a wedding dress proclaiming that he was the bossest ass thai fucking princess in town and nobody else had shit on him before ordering a Corona-rita and drenching the 16 Year Old Gayboys table in tales of him being fucked in the ass by firemen from Grindr. Joel and Kiren showed up with poker winnings and bought everybody at the party a shot of sambucca. I took mine with Becca and Bryan as we discussed Netflix movie dates. We called on the authority of Netflix dating Bryan to solve the dispute over whether I should be allowed to clip my toenails during a movie and if it means I'm not paying attention at all. Becca took her shot like a pussy and made a lemon face in response to the strong sambucca, whilst Bry and I took ours like men. Just about everybody had arrived by this point and most people were beginning to start feeling tipsy.

Around 11:30pm flat, I was definitely starting to feel the effects of the alcohol and so was everybody else. I'd floated away from Becca and Bry and was now engaged in a conversation with Kiren and Joel about who could mack on the maddest chicks. In the end Kiren and Joel devised a competition to see who could mack on the maddest chick tonight. I was invited to join in, but of course I reminded them that I had already macked on the maddest chick in attendance, the party host. I was receiving constant texts from Becca telling me she was drunk and telling me how obsessed with me she was as usual. As it turned out, Kiren ended up chugging too many beers and calling out every female in attendance for being a slut or a whore. In the lobby, he accosted Holly1230.
"Last I seen you, was in the blue bikini, and I swear to go I drew wood," Kiren slurred, losing his balance and almost falling into the wall. Holly had a scared look on her face.
"Maybe I'll send a gift your way and kiss your pic when I screenshot," the creep continued, taking one or two uneasy steps towards his victim and began to unzip his jeans and pull out his tackle.
"S... stop!" cried Holly with a look of panic on her face. "The only Tajadod I'm allowed to see is Alireza's!" she yelled. Just at that moment, Alireza burst through the door of the party, late and sweating like a gypsy with a mortgage. Seeing this scene, his own girlfriend being macked on by Kiren and seemingly about to engage in an act of fellatio with him, his mood changed to one of blind rage.
"I Was So Pissed Off That I Over Slept... All You Cunts Are Pagans... You Man Never rang Me!!! I'll Never Forgive You, EVER!" shouted Alireza and left the party. As it turns out, all this did was irritate Holly and she ended up going home to Kiren's house and finding out what he was really all about.

It was about midnight sharp, and Becca was beginning to get really drunk. As a lightweight on her first night of legal drinking, even a sniff of sambucca shot could have sent her west, and tonight she had drank four of them including the Malibu she was drinking all night in addition to that. I had to deal with her persistently professing her love for me and I had to keep reminding her that she had other guests to entertain and that the night was still young, she couldn't have my dick at night just yet. We ended up walking over to the punchbowl, where Bryan and Joel were almost in a fistfight due to the fact that they were both trying to mack on Shay simultaneously, despite Shay telling them repeatedly that she likes black dick, not ginger. So it goes.

At 12:30am flat, Becca announced she needed to throw up so I went to the bathroom with her to make sure she was alright. I held her hair back as she rushed into one of the stalls in the Ladies' and began puking up a pure watery soup the colour of dirty paint water. I couldn't help but stare down her shirt as she was doing so. Before I could get too carried away, I heard a peculiar noise coming from the next cubicle, a noise which I can only describe as the sound a plughole makes when you let the water out of the bath crossed with a high pitched squeak of delight. The curiosity in me got the better and I decided to peek under the stall as I left Becca to spew, keeping hold of her hair. All I saw was two white legs, and two black legs which appeared to be thrusting away. There were a pair of banana boxer shorts round his feet. Just at that moment, a Corona-rita bottle fell to the floor and smashed as I regained my focus. Becca asked me if it was time to go home yet and I said nearly. She was stumbling around as we left the stall and she tried to kiss me.
"You're disgusting. Not until you've washed your mouth out." I said, but she ignored my protests and did it anyway. Her mouth tasted like bin juice, no different to normal, so I just dealt with it and led her out and back to the party. As we came back out into the main area, we saw that the live performer was on stage, Wriggy, and he was singing his hit song "Tinder". Joel was also up on stage with Wriggy and was topless with nothing but a belt tied around his neck. Wriggy was occasionally riding him like a hobby horse and spanking his ass and using the belt as a rein.
"What the fuck is going on here?" I asked a 16 year old gayboy I didn't know, laughing at the scene unfolding on stage.
"YOU'D BETTER ASK BILLY SCHMITZ" he responded and danced away into the crowd, mouthing the words to Tinder and grinding on all the other 16 year old gayboys he bumped into. Soon after, Wriggy's set was completed and he left after signing a few autographs and brought Joel backstage with him. In the end, Kiren went home with Holly1230 and Joel went home with Wriggy. Who macked on the maddest chick?

At about 2am flat, things were winding down and Becca was saying the last of her goodbyes to the guests. A few people, including Dru and Bryan were heading downtown to another club to mack on some chicks and snort cocaine in an upper class bathroom cubicle.
"Y'all go ahead, I think I'm gonna kick it with my girl today." I said and got into a separate taxi with Becca. She was too drunk to stay out, and besides she was all over me and wanted the D. I wondered in my head how I ever got enough game to mack on this chick when suddenly she started unzipping my jeans.
"Hey... undo the button first, not the zip." I told her and called her a weirdo for doing it the wrong way round. She corrected her mistake, desperate for what was contained inside the £30 River Island black slim fits. The next thing I remember was arriving at her house after what seemed like an eternity of pure ecstasy.
Already excited for what was to come, I tipped the taxi driver generously and decided to grab a snack when I got in as Becca headed straight to the bedroom. I told her I'd be in to mack on her in five and told her to get the handcuffs at the ready. She said something that sounded like agreement and I made myself a PBJ. Once I had eaten it, it was time to service my girl. As I headed up the stairs I whistled the theme song to Fox Robin Hood. To my dismay, when I opened the bedroom door I found Becca already asleep with a pool of vomit on my side of the bed. Furious, I debated for a second over whether to leave her there or put her in the recovery position so she didn't choke and die. In the end I decided to move her into safety. Looks like I would be sleeping on the couch. I went downstairs and got myself a nice tall glass of water before settling on the couch and drifting into a soft sleep.

That night I dreamed about a dark man with a bottle of Corona-rita who was coming to get me. I also dreamed about Becca, until I was awoken by a queer sensation at 5am sharp. It was Becca, she had finally awoken and found me on the couch. Since the bed was still covered in vomit, we shared the couch together and I gave her her best birthday gift of the day. The ordeal lasted all of 3 minutes, but it was 3 minutes I'll never forget. It was the best 3 minutes of my life.

Comments

LMAO

planning this right now. hope u all can attend!

Sent by lemonface,Aug 2, 2014

TLDR

Sent by ianfitz0012,Aug 2, 2014

TLDR PLZ

Sent by Justin_Hicks,Aug 2, 2014

TLDR

Sent by Whoa,Aug 2, 2014

quirky dickheads ruined lemonface's 21st birthday party

Sent by BengalBoy,Aug 2, 2014

You definitely have the gift of creativity to be an author!

Sent by Diva1,Aug 2, 2014

FrOntIeRpSyChIaTrIsT's blogBlog

Lemonface's 21st Birthday Review

Comments

Leave a comment