1) "You been playing with matches again?"
2) "Sorry we're late but we couldn't find that damn Dalmation."
3) "Hot enough for ya?"
4) "If you want, we can help this spread to your neighbor's house."
5) "Did you Stop,Drop and Roll?...If not, you better get your ass back in there and do it right!"
6) "That blaze would make one hell of a marshmallow roast."
7) "Based on this sir, I'd say your son is DEFINITELY a pyromaniac."
8) "The religious right just called...can they use what's left of your house for a bookburning?"
9) "I know its not much compared to losing everything but I'll let you ring the siren once before we leave."
10) "What was that catchy Talkin' Heads song.."Burnin' Down the...Oh,sorry."
1) Has to let all other dogs know about this nasty "fixing" process.
2) His master Simon hasn't said to stop barking.
3) Using longer lasting Duracell batteries.
4) Because he hasn't eaten that poison you slipped in his food.
5) Having a long ass conversation with the neighbor's dog on the other side.
6) Having intense debate with Afghan hound over whether wet or dry dog food is better.
7) Telling funny story about how he was out one time, trying to do his business and some car came by, honked the horn and it didn't scare the shit out of him!!!
8) Turns out neighbor doesn't have a dog but left his "Dogs Barking" CD on continuous play.
9) Secretly plotting with two other Rottweilers to plot and kill that damn Gordita dog.
10) He ain't getting any and if you weren't, you'd be barking about it too!
1) Your allowance of goat's milk didn't really amount to much when you tried to barter with someone.
2) Tut, "The Boy King" always blamed you for any of his mishaps.
3) Ever try to write a term paper in hieroglyphics?
4) An Oasis, unlike a mall, had only one product, water so it kind of sucked to hang out there.
5) Had to be 18 before you could get a license to drive a camel.
6) All the local bands played the same damn song, "Walk Like An Egyptian".
7) The stone tablet delivery route was very overrated.
8) Being "grounded" meant having to stand in the part of the Nile where the piranahas were.
9) You always had to "build the stupid pyramids" while your friends got to play all day.
10) The line "Oh My God, You Killed Ramses...You Bastard" didn't really go over that well and wasn't found to be funny.
1) "I'm so full of remorse that I'm gonna hurl."
2) "That little bit about wanting to kill every member of the jury, their families, their pets and you...I was just kidding!"
3) "I voted for you last time..doesn't that count for something?"
4) "Wapner has NOTHING on you."
5) "I've got some BUDLIGHT for a LIGHT sentence if you know what I mean."
6) "Could I be sent to a Heterosexual section of the prison, please?"
7) "Judge Judy would just give me a warning."
8) "Consecutive sentences are nothing more than run-on sentences which aint' correct grammatically and thus not legal either."
9) "My attorney sucks...is it too late to ask for another one?"
10) "Jury of my peers, my ass!!! I don't know any of these folks."
1) Tries to impress your parents by putting his teeth in for them.
2) On more than occasion, he pats you on the ass and calls you "His Little Federov."
3) Calls going to the bathroom, filling the Stanley Cup.
4) He wears his goalie mask on the first date.
5) Every major decision requires a face off.
6) Buys you lingerie that has the goalie pads on it.
7) Keeps leaving during your date for a line change.
8) Calls out Gretzky's name during sex.
9) Siren and red lights go off after you kiss.
10) After "he shoots and scores" an Octopus drops down from the ceiling into your bed (Detroit residents only)!
1) Keeps trying to sell you extra teeth.
2) His restrooms are labeled "Bleeders" and "Non-Bleeders"
3) Pumps gas into the waiting room in advance.
4) Does an extensive search for cavities...dental and body.
5) He...ummm..licks his tools clean.
6) Gets pissed when you mention that 4 out of 5 dentists surveyed line.
7) When you come to from being under the gas, he's quick to insist that you wore your pants backwards when you came into his office.
8) Wears a necklace made of human teeth.
9) Has a grindstone in the office for his tools.
10) Insists that a Novacaine shot is something that he'll buy you at a bar if you just go out with him.
