1) "Hey fat boy, I just left your house."
2) "Wanna beer?"
3) "While you're here, is someone else staking out the Donut SHop?"
4) " No Tubby, I don't know how fast I was going. You're the one with the damn radar!"
5) "Which is more expensive...a speeding ticket or possession of a trunk full of weed?"
6) "Why don't you go home and beat your nightstick!"
7) "Didn't know a police uniform could stretch that much."
8) "Does this meet your Quota or will this mindless speed trap continue?"
9) "Damn, your wife sure is lonely!"
10) "Weren't you Ponch on CHIPS?"
1) "Dude, you got to clean that up. Fish don't have hair."
2)"In the event you recover and want to sue, here's a good attorney."
3) "And he STILL ate it!!"
4) "Dammit, that's the third band aid I've lost this week!"
5) "Wine, Mad Dog, who's gonna know the difference?"
6) "The chef's gonna be pissed...the animals got out of the slaughterhouse again."
7) "Those food prep gloves work in a pinch for a prostate exam."
8) "Did anyone on the kitchen staff lose a finger?"
9) "You know, I had a hand (snicker) in making that special sauce!"
10)"Dude, you have to use the microwave to heat up that chicken. You can't just keep it your pants!"
1.A rat can last longer without water than a camel
2.Because metal was scarce, the Oscars given out during World War II were made of wood
3.By raising your legs slowly and lying on your back, you cannot
sink into quicksand
4.Celery has negative calories. It takes more calories to eat a
piece of celery than the celery has in it to begin with
5.The number of possible ways of playing the first four moves per
side in a game of chess is 318,979,564,000
6.Weatherman Willard Scott was the first Ronald McDonald
7.If one places a tiny amount of liquor on a scorpion, it will
instantly go mad and sting itself to death
8.The original name for butterfly was flutterby
9.Charlie Chaplin once won third prize in a Charlie Chaplin
look-alike contest
10.The glue on Israeli postage is certified kosher
1) Tell him if he wants to enter your "club", there's a cover charge.
2) Tell him it glows in the dark just like the light saber from Star Wars.
3) Tell him Dad did (Only used during incest).
4) Tell him of the new STD where it falls off minutes after orgasm.
5) Tell him that its either a condom or he gets to change all the diapers, get up for the feedings and take on the three jobs for the rest of his life to support the lovechild.
6) Play those award winning Trojan Man Commercials for him.
7) Institute a "Try One, Get One Free" policy.
8) Its either a condom or lamination.
9) Wrap it or go home and slap it.
10) Everyone else on the football team has.
1) Bungee jumping tied to a concrete block.
2) Soak your clothes in gasoline and then walk through the company's Smoking Area.
3) Try to jump across the Grand Canyon on a motorized scooter.
4) Move during the Knife Throwing portion of the Magician's act.
5) Jumping into a vat of beer at the Anheuser-Busch brewery.
6) Rollerblading onto a Nascar Race Track during a race.
7) Rolling in an office chair down a hill into oncoming traffic.
8) Sliding naked on a SlipNSlide that has glass all the way down it.
9) Wearing a "KLAN RULES" T-Shirt into South Central Los Angeles (Wait...that belongs on the How to Get Yourself Killed List).
10) Listen to MMMBOP on your stereo headphones until your ears bleed!
