I think I’ve finally reached my all time low.
my personality has been poisoned by a narcissist
Abused, raped, I have become this person I once hated in others,
When I’m in a room full of people I’m alone.
I know I have someone who truely wants to best for me
But to dump my feelings on someone isn’t okay.
Pay for a therapist why? So I sit and lie and validate the only thing my brain has been programmed to understand.
I feel alone. Stuck in a world that doesn’t need me but I could never leave on my own will. No I’m a pussy.
What have I done with my life ? A lot but that’s invalidated because I’m not where I wanted to be at the age of 16. To me thats defeat. Failure.
to eat more than what you burn off in a day. A failure.
But I feel everything stopping me from lifting weights, from exercise.
to feel like I’m just a space in this world full of opportunity to see a glass empty instead of full, I wish I could.
Be to opptimistic on the outside but to be sad on the inside.
Feeling like a burden or that no one cares if I say im sad. So I just say I’m okay.
To feel like everyone around you is fake just to put up with you. That’s real.
Shall I bottle up my feelings with liquor just to force myself to throw it up? Idk.
To smoke a cigarette to give me life ending cancer. No.
To give my life to substance to hallucinate to feel ok. No.
To simply exist in a world where in the end nothing matters. Yes.
To sit here and fight the little stomach fat I have due to gay hookup culture and realize no one will accept me.
To be embarassed by this post. Yes. just ignore this.
To sit here and have a platform to just rant. helps maybe a percent.
I’m okay.
I just wanted to take a moment and thank my cast mates and my friends for supporting me nonstop, I wouldn’t be in this spot without you tengaged 🩵 your support means EVERYTHING TO ME. And for the 13yo me that wanted to win stars, I did bud. I did it.
This game was so mentally and emotionally draining. Rollercoasters of emotions, I had geniuene good conversations with a lot of these people regardless of voting the same. I’m thankful for how this turned out. I made a lot of friends, made an enemy, revived an old friendship dripteejay 🩶. I played with my heart and it lead me to this spot. Being your stars winner ! Thank you all 🩵🧡 again thank you tengaged for your support this week.
Since day 1 I was added to both sides chats. This lead to me being kicked, and being into minority for the game. (Considering the fact I wasn’t even really active the first couple hours due to watching the new hunger games). and it turns out I was nominated with colter. I didn’t think I’d survive but I did.
15th-13th My Allie’s were nominated follow suit and sent up for eviction. Nothing I could do, I tried to talk to the others into making a move. No one followed suit. But this also lead me to being put with for 13th with 3pi. Everyone expected me to lose but a couple people. I survived which made work harder to not be put up again
We tried to flip the vote onto two of the majority and it failed leading machu/treecko for 12th.
Then me and Mach for 11th. HOWEVER WE FINALLY GOT A MAJORITY SET THROUGH, Disney/Adam for 10th. But there were bigger problems at hand.
The house wanted me sniped by putting me up with Bengie on-top of him wanting to volunteer against me at like day 1. And they wanted abiotic to go up against someone like Anya to obviously survive. I wasn’t expecting to survive Against Bengie but somehow I did. Then the majority was broken down a little more.
So what does the house do since I beat Bengie ? They throw me up with Machu thinking I would STILL LOSE. You tengaged wanted something different. The next set
we got half a set up including Adam going up on the block again but he was against Austin which wasn’t planned. There was a tie in the vote.
with Austin surviving the majority wanted abiotic up with him. Our set didn’t succeed. But they only did this so flavor Austin to put me up with him. Which SHOCKER THEY PUT ME UP WITH AUSTIN. You tengaged saved me AGAIN. I managed to get in the majority with tj and joe.
Ace and Anya goes up. That’s another set that succeeded. Thank God. we knew ace would survive then for 4th i choose to go with my gut feeling leading me to the final 3
me joe and ace. I’m up against 2 strong contenders. I earned this spot because of YOU tengaged. they all thought I was an easy pill but I proved wrong. I did what I had to, to make the final 3. What are some take aways
I survived against
- colter
- 3pi
- Machu
- Bengie
- Austin
I was nominated 5 times this stars.
I was a counter for 5 of those sets not including the ones I was nominated in. I tried to push and maneuver the game with what I had to work with. This majority alliance did not like to budge. And nominated their own when it was necessary then those were on the outside with me. I fought HARD to get to this point.
I feel like I worked enough to become the winner of stars 784. I was dealt a shitty deck of cards and I made it work with what I had available and what I could do. sometimes it just wasn’t enough for escape nominations however it was just enough to get me to the f3
Take aways from speech
-minority since beginning of game
-survived 5 nominations and several times being counters
-did what I had to do to secure my final three spot
-without YOU TENGAGED I wouldn’t of made it here. I hope you crown me as YOUR winner
Please take this into consideration when voting for your winner.
I got added to two group chats. One with bengies side and the other colters side. unfortunately I was framed for some bullshit putting me in this position. but I have still all the game to play so save me over colter and give someone new a chance. This round really showed who my real friends were.
Edit: I would like to say I recieved a message saying I exposed the other sides chat when I was in it. WHOEVER MADE THAT LIE UP I will find out and you WILL be nominated next.
