WE HERE AT THE ONION NEWS NETWORK HAVE JUST BEEN INFORMED THAT THE USER THAT GOES BY THE NAME KatherinePierce HAS BEEN HIRED BY THE TRUMP ADMINISTRATION! DONALD TRUMP HEARD ABOUT THE BIG COMMOTION DURING THE FBI INVESTIGATION OF TENGAGED AND REALIZED THAT HE NEEDED TO BRING HER ON THE TEAM. NOW KatherinePierce WILL BE WORKING DIRECTLY WITH THE US GOVERNMENT IN TROLLING KIM JONG UN INTO ABSOLUTE MENTAL BREAKDOWN.
TRUMP'S NEW STRATEGY IS BEING PERCEIVED BY WHITE HOUSE STAFF. TRUMP SAW SOMETHING IN YOUNG KATHERINE THAT HE WANTED TO WORK WITH, AND NOW HE HAS GRANTED HER THE POSITION ONCE HELD BY THE RUSSIANS, BUT DUE TO CONTROVERSY DUE TO THE SPY SCANDAL HE HAD TO EXPELL THE RUSSIANS FROM THE UNITED STATES, LEAVING MANY POSITIONS OPEN. HOWEVER THE DONALD FEELS THAT OUR YOUNG KATHERINE CAN BE THE PIECE OF THE PUZZLE THAT WE NEED TO END NOT ONLY NORTH KOREA, BUT RUSSIA, AND CHINA AS WELL! IF THE MOTION WORKS THE UNITED STATES WILL CEMENT AGAIN WHY WE ARE THE TRUE SUPERPOWER.
WE HERE AT ONION NEWS WOULD LIKE TO CONGRATULATE KATHERINE ON HER NEW PROMOTION AND WISH HER WELL!
WE HERE AT THE ONION NEWS NETWORK HAVE JUST BEEN INFORMED THAT USER KatherinePierce IS UNDER INVESTIGATION FOR POSSIBLE TERRORISTIC THREAT, IT IS UNCLEAR IF THIS WILL BE CONSIDERED A THREAT OR NOT, BUT THE PHOTO OF OSAMA BIN LADDEN HAD INTRIGUED MANY MEMBERS OF THE CIA AND THE FBI, EXPECT A FULL FLEDGED INVESTIGATION
FOR MORE NEWS ON THIS SUBJECT AND MANY OTHERS, STAY TUNED TO THE ONION NEWS NETWORK
WE HERE AT THE ONION NEWS NETWORK HAVE BEEN INFORMED THAT ALL THE USERS ON THIS ONCE POPULAR WEBSITE HAVE BEEN LIED TO FOR ALMOST 5 YEARS. ON APRIL 3RD, 2013 TENGAGED WAS SHUT DOWN WITH THE BANNING OF ONCE NOTORIOUS BIODORK. THIS NEWS IS SHOCKING AS THE ONION NEWS NETWORK WAS UNDER THE IMPRESSION THAT TENGAGED WAS A THRIVING COMMUNITY OF DEDICATED FANS OF REALITY SHOWS SUCH AS BIG BROTHER AND SURVIVOR. SADLY TENGAGED COULDN'T SURVIVE WITHOUT ERIC'S PRESENCE AND DUE TO THE FACT THAT HE LEFT, THE SITE HAD TO BE SHUT DOWN. THIS HAS ALL BEEN A SIMULATION, THE NAME WAS BOUGHT OUT BY ANOTHER FAMOUS USER WHO GOES BY THE NAME KINGMAC1, HE BOUGHT THE WEBSITE AND FAMOUSLY BANNED HIMSELF FROM USING IT.
BREAKING NEWS
WE HERE AT THE ONION NEWS NETWORK HAVE JUST BEEN INFORMED THAT THE FBI WILL BE TACKLING THE SITUATION ON TENGAGED. WE WERE INFORMED THAT THEY WILL BE PERFORMING A DETAILED INVESTIGATION ON THE SITE AND THE USERS.
ACCUSATIONS HAVE BEEN POURING IN ON WHO THE HACKERS MAY HAVE BEEN, ALSO THERE HAVE BEEN NUMEROUS ACCOUNTS OVER THE LAST 15 YEARS THAT OVER 200 MEMBERS MAY BE INVOLVED IN A SECRET UNDERGROUND PEDOPHILE RING. THE FBI WILL MAKE AN ANNOUNCEMENT LATER ABOUT THEIR PLANS, BUT WE HERE AT THE ONION NEWS NETWORK ARE UNDER THE IMPRESSION THAT THE FBI PLANS ON SEIZING THE COMPUTERS AND PHONES OF ITS MOST ACTIVE USERS, APPARENTLY REPORTS HAVE BEEN COMING IN OVER THE YEARS DETAILING MANY USERS ASKING OTHER USERS FOR "NOODZ" AND "SKINS" APPARENTLY ASKING YOUNGER USERS OF THE SITE TO EXPOSE THEMSELVES AND SEND THE PICTURES TO THEM OVER THE ONCE POPULAR SKYPE PROGRAM.
STAY TUNED FOR MORE INFORMATION CONCERNING THE HACKERGATE OF 2018
We here at The Onion News Network have some BREAKING NEWS
EVENTS THIS MORNING INDICATE THAT MULTIPLE ACCOUNTS ON THE ONCE SECURE SITE THAT HAD A FULL SET OF RULES AND GUIDELINES HAS BEEN HACKED. IT APPEARS MULTIPLE SHOPS WERE BOUGHT UNDER THE PRETENSES AND IT APPEARS OSAMA BIN LADDEN AND BARACK OBAMA CAN BE SEEN HANGING OUT IN ONE OF THE PROFILE PICTURE OF ONE OF THE SHOPS. THIS NEWS IS STARTLING TO SAY THE LEAST. APPARENTLY THE POLICE WILL EVENTUALLY BE ON THEIR WAY, BUT UNTIL THEN STAY TUNED TO ONIONNEWS2018
