I have a waterproof watch. I can get it wet and it still works. Come closer. I want every part of your face to be illuminated while I tell you this story.
When it comes to waterproof accessories, you are either smart and you have them or you are stupid and you do not have them. There is no gray area.
I went to the pool. I paid the woman the guest fee and I went into the water. Chest deep. I know how a diving board looks and so I was able to create a baby diving board using bits of plywood that I found in a nearby dumpster. I made my watch dive. We practiced all day. My watch played the role of diving hero while I settled on the role of the unseen god who can make the watch live or die. Because the watch knows that even though it is waterproof, I can still kill it. I can kill it with a hammer or I can kill it by throwing it over the edge of a cliff.
I made the watch dive into the water. I used my hands to manipulate it into people-like dives in midair. I made it do flips and twists and spinning dives. Here’s something: In a diving competition, my watch would win even if a non-waterproof watch scored higher on the dive. Why is that?
I’ll tell you.
The non-waterproof watch would die in the water and thus, be unable to accept the trophy. Posthumous accolades are not a part of watch diving. Any asshole knows that.
I spent adult swim submerged in the water, breathing calmly through a snorkel. Nobody saw me, not even the lifeguards. It’s good to know that I’m smart enough to bypass certain things and even though I am technically an adult, the point here is that if I’m ever NOT an adult again, I know how to remain in the pool during adult swim.
