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The Hotrocket's blog

Posts 22 posts

What is love? Jul 20, 2011
I have a waterproof watch.  I can get it wet and it still works.  Come closer.  I want every part of your face to be illuminated while I tell you this story.

When it comes to waterproof accessories, you are either smart and you have them or you are stupid and you do not have them.  There is no gray area.

I went to the pool.  I paid the woman the guest fee and I went into the water.  Chest deep.  I know how a diving board looks and so I was able to create a baby diving board using bits of plywood that I found in a nearby dumpster.  I made my watch dive.  We practiced all day.  My watch played the role of diving hero while I settled on the role of the unseen god who can make the watch live or die.  Because the watch knows that even though it is waterproof, I can still kill it.  I can kill it with a hammer or I can kill it by throwing it over the edge of a cliff.

I made the watch dive into the water.  I used my hands to manipulate it into people-like dives in midair.  I made it do flips and twists and spinning dives.  Here’s something: In a diving competition, my watch would win even if a non-waterproof watch scored higher on the dive.  Why is that? 

I’ll tell you.

The non-waterproof watch would die in the water and thus, be unable to accept the trophy.  Posthumous accolades are not a part of watch diving.  Any asshole knows that.

I spent adult swim submerged in the water, breathing calmly through a snorkel.  Nobody saw me, not even the lifeguards.  It’s good to know that I’m smart enough to bypass certain things and even though I am technically an adult, the point here is that if I’m ever NOT an adult again, I know how to remain in the pool during adult swim.

THE END
Points: 149 7 comments
MY RETURN EPISODE 3 Jul 15, 2011
WELL I'M BACK FOR THE THIRD TIME!!!!! I came back and my avatar was a skeleton, which means i've either been murdered or someone thinks its funny to steal all my skin. I'm hoping to stay longer this time around. Third times the charm.

ps Hawt girls wanted
my email is hotrocket@bigpackage.com
Points: 0 0 comments
I am back...again Jun 1, 2010
Hey cupcakes i'm back. I've noticed alot of my old friends are either banned or dead...hmmmm well.....cooooooool.....

Points: 19 1 comments
im back everyone xD Jul 27, 2009
imageAfter a long investigation, the investigators concluded that the skeleton we had found in the abandoned freezer belonged to a young man who had been playing in a large game of Hide-and-Seek, nearly eight years ago.

“I’ll bet he’s in heaven,” said Jane, fighting tears. “And I’ll bet he’s laughing at what a great hiding spot he found.”

“And I’ll bet he wishes he didn’t hide in that freezer because he got trapped in there and then died,” I said.

Jane and I broke up a few weeks after that.  She said that she was looking for someone a bit more sensitive and I know that deep down I was looking for someone with a better grasp on how to predict what dead people think.
Points: 53 8 comments
I just won my first castings game and now im orange mutha uckers Jul 12, 2009
imageMy wife, Diane, and I went to a fancy restaurant with our Black friends, our Asian friends, and our half-Black, half-Asian friends in wheelchairs. I said to everyone that everything on the menu looked good and then Diane said, “I was going to say the same thing!” And then I was like, “Well Jesus, Diane, if you were going to say it, then why didn’t you say it until after I said it?” Then Diane was like, “Well I was just thinking it.” And so I was like, “Well fuck Diane, that’s the goddamned dumbest thing I’ve ever heard in my life!” I was about to bring up the idea of getting divorced, but the dessert menu looked pretty good and I know that deep down, this type of socializing is healthy for a nice guy like me.
Points: 19 7 comments
Lemon im sorry but i have to do a gay blog thing again. Jul 8, 2009
imageOk i should stay in the group game because honestly it would be hilarious. Ive had no alliance and no stratigy. All ive done was do the tasks and vote for some random person for eviction. I think i deserve to stay because i have gone so far doing nothing. Now i'm not dissing anyone else in the game who have worked hard, like more power to ya but i would like to see how far i can go SO please pluss my blog comment do what ya can i really appreciate it.

with love Hotrocket
Points: 78 12 comments