The Hotrocket's blog

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Crimsian Senate of Gorth by my friend Jun 28, 2009: A dark figure moved through the dark shadows. The darkness covered his face, leaving it so you couldn't see it even if you squinted. But the figure could. He saw everything. He traveled through the shadows with a dark cloak covering his face and his Shadow Sword of Sailindraiz.

"The Crimsian Senate shall fall to my blade," the figure muttered. It was snowing. Hard. Like a herd of oxen over an empty field during a sunrise. He trudged through the deep snow, sword hilt in hand.

"I have been following you for quite a while, Valthor," a voice spoke from a shadowy figure from behind the previously mentioned dark figure.

"Gorlwrathor, you fat bastard! How did you know I would be traveling in these dark, snowy, shadows?" Valthor gritted his teeth and drew his mighty blade.

Gorlwrathor grinned. "Your blade is mighty. The Shadow Sword of Sailindraiz is a formidable opponent. But no match for my Axe of Azgortahz, my family's ancient artifact weapon of the Meigoz era, over 2000 years ago!"

Gorlwrathor's massive belly hung over his kilt. His skin was like stone. His body was also like stone. And big, too. Basically, Gorlwrathor was like a giant statue. But fat. He held his Axe of Azgortahz over his head and swung it down at Valthor. He dodged it. It cut through the snow and ice and ground like butter. Valthor used his Shadow Arts to teleport on top of Gorlwrathor's head and kick him in the face. Gorlwrathor's massive body collided with the snow and the ground.

"Now, Gorlwrathor, famous slayer of the Aizani Clan, my clan, you will tell me what you know about the Crimsian Senate. Where are they?!" Valthor shook Gorlwrathor's gobble neck violently.

Gorlwrathor grinned again. "You can never stop the Crimsian Senate, the rulers of this land, even IF they stole your woman-girl, Debbie. She is an important asset to their devious plans that you will never know about because you will be dead because I will kill you because you are the last living member of the Aizani Clan which I am meant to kill."

"Looks like you're going to have to do a bit better, fatty tubums." Valthor unleashed the inner power of his Shadow Sword of Sailindraiz. The shadow dragon, that his master sensei taught him all those years ago, erupted like a volcano through the broad sword.

"Looks like you're going to have to do a bit better, slim," Gorlwrathor retorted to the previous statement about him having to do a bit better. It appeared that even the shadow dragon technique was unable to defeat him! "I shall defeat you another time, young fool. Here's a useful peace of information: the Crimsian Senate needs your woman-girl, Debbie, to power an ultimate doomsday device of destruction. Your time is limited, young fool."

Then Gorlwrathor disappeared. Valthor sat in the snow and cursed the Gods that let this happen to Debbie. "Curse you Gods that would let this happen to Debbie! I will find the Crimsian Senate and destroy them all!"

Valthor then continued in the dark. Moving through the shadows towards the town of Folgenheim.; Points: 11 2 comments
LORD OF THE RINGS Jun 25, 2009: if you have read this book say your name and say something about it.
for example
Hotrocket- that book was really fucking long.
there ya go.; Points: 53 3 comments
enter shikari Jun 19, 2009: this is prob the greatest band ever i love them even tho skeeet hates them....skeeet; Points: 19 2 comments
Ordering a Steamer at Starbucks Jun 18, 2009: I was shocked to see it on the Starbuck’s menu of all places, but for $2.95, how could I say no? I placed my order and moved over to the side.

A few moments later, when the barista came around the counter with a beverage, she seemed surprised to find me lying on the floor, shirtless.

“Uh…you ordered a steamer?” she asked, motioning to the drink in her hand.

I was confused. “Wait. So this isn’t the one where you shit on my chest?”

A few minutes later, I decided to try and give the beverage a try for the hell of it, but I had to be careful about how I brought it up to my face since I was still crying pretty hard.; Points: 17 4 comments
Today at the office Jun 17, 2009: "Here. Try these brownies Linda,” I said. “They’re better than sex.”

Linda took one off of the tray and bit into it. After just a couple of chews, she spit it out into the napkin.

“What the fuck was that?” she asked.

“I put mud in there from outside to look like brownies,” I said. “Isn’t that funny?”

Linda continued spitting the brownie out in disgust and rushed away - probably to get some water.

Later, as I had miserable sex with this old pile of phonebooks I kept in my office, I realized that I actually felt pretty good that I had been so honest with Linda about how good the brownies were.; Points: 28 7 comments
Whats love got to do, got to do? Jun 16, 2009: An Excerpt from my EHarmony Profile:

Assuming a night spent alone in my study drinking and calling ex-girlfriends to tell them about the “new me” until they hang up counts as a date, then yes. I suppose I’m a bit of a man about town. I’m also a religious man and in my opinion, there’s no better place for religion than in the bedroom. Because of this, I choose to let the act of intercourse make me feel incredibly guilty so ladies, if we do go on a date please forgive me in advance for whispering things like, “I’ll see you in hell” while I awkwardly make love to your inner-thigh because I missed your vagina.; Points: 15 4 comments

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Hotrocket's blog

The Hotrocket's blog

1234 Posts 22 posts

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Posts 22 posts