I just need to vent so, if you don't care, I care less about you just keep scrolling
For me, I've had pretty rough months and things are starting to get better. I'm doing better at job, I think I will be able to leave my house and my homophobic/transphobe neighbourhood soon, I will be able to finally adopt a cat... I will start soon hormone therapy (Spanish public healthcare wait times are hell) and I'm doing well with my hair and skin treatments. I feel like things are starting to get better for me.
But I'm scared as hell. I don't know if I have the mental energy it takes to live in a world where I feel like I'm constantly critizised and judged, to know that I will have to prove myself every single moment of my life, and to earn people's respect because they think I OWE them that.
It is also sad to read every day hurtful things and not knowing how to deal with them. I have a strong personality and a strong presence, I'm aware of that, but it's hard to keep it every day and when I crumble I feel all the effort I put into myself is worthless.
When I logged into this page, I could forget about those issues that I had, and focus on meeting new people that would make me feel like I belonged. For the past couple of months, I feel like right now, my life has become better and this page is what real life used to be. I enjoy getting in, talking to my friends whom I LOVE, and seeing people's blogs (even tho most of them are hurtful).
I don't feel I deserve all the hate I receive (in general, not just here), so if you want to send more hate, please refrain to it. And to my friends: I'M GOOD. I thought for a long time that I would not say these words, but I'm getting better. I thought I had no strength, but I'm seeing the light now and my strength is getting back... thank you all that helped me along the way.
Veigar it's not about the saves, it's about feeling like I have to prove my worth all the time. It's no one's business but mine's, I would have to work on that
peace123 I wish I met you before when I was in .es to become closer, there's something about you that always brings me confort and that's the respect you have towards me, it means the world
Jasmina I'm trying as hard as I can, but I have fought my whole life in a different fight and now I'm realizing the life that I will probably have and it scares the shit out of me, I know I will live it but I don't know if I'm prepared to it. I have to work on my confidence and try to care less about people's opinions
thank you for sharing what you've been going through and being vulnerable with us. your fears are valid and I wish you all the strength to persevere and overcome them. The future can be daunting, especially knowing the challenges you may face going forward, but you are strong enough, you are worthy, and you deserve happiness. Sounds like you have some exciting changes ahead, with the move, the new cat, and hormone therapy and I hope that helps you develop your confidence and self-worth. Lots of love!
