are very very damaged right now as the news of one of my all-time idols, Monty Oum, has passed is finally reaching the realm of reality in my world. I am going to honor that grand cockbite in the best way I know how, living each of my RP characters like there is absolutely no tomorrow with them. And I hope that each of you gives those who may have lost someone [whether or not they are family or just someone they look up to] the time they need to really let it sink in.
I wanna know who has the most extreme first ticket story. I would like to say I have a pretty damn good one, but I'm expecting better than mine to be honest.
So, before I begin, I have to tell you that I'm from Pittsburgh and there are certain places in Pittsburgh where you're pretty safe with the cops and others where the cops are utterly out to get everyone. So my former friends and I decided to go down to this little ice cream shop nearby where we lived. My friend wanted to drive, but didn't let me know she forgot her license at home. That becomes a problem after she runs the stop sign right in front of the cops and gets us to panic enough to do a CHINESE FIRE DRILL right then and there. Mind you, the cops are actually watching this, and we got lucky as shit they didn't arrest either of us [her on accident, after I said that I didn't technically give her the keys; me, because unbeknownst to me, my car was actually illegally inspected.] Let's just say that day was really awkward.
Does anyone really know how hard it is to wanna go and never look back on a place they once thought was a comfort zone? I've been pushed to my limits.... I've been wondering if it is just me that wants to let go after being on here so damn long, but I don't seem to be alone. All around me, people who have made me the person I am today are wanting to do the same thing that I've been on the fence about since June. I just kept thinking it will get better... it will get better....
But then I realized something.... it's not the same Tengaged it once was.... this Tengaged is a totally different animal. It's not even half as fun as it used to be... it's getting much harder to get on and enjoy shows that you've created because people wish for shows to be happy-go-lucky and easy. I think the main reason why I've not been able to enjoy anything half as much as I used to is because of that..... when all you do is positive shows, it seems to get a little sickening, too blase and something that I don't wish on anybody.
I'm not taking a break, as this is my escape from reality.... it's my little safe haven away from the world... I'm just gonna not be as willing to be stuck within the confines of always being positive. I think the main reason I've not enjoyed shows and part of the reason why Tengaged shows have fallen by the wayside is because everyone makes it too positive. I like the dark and edgy shows that have been on tengaged {Wide Awake, Storyline} much more than the normal humdrum shows. Sometimes, you need that edge to make it bearable, and it has to come from somewhere.... right?
What I'm saying is... don't let the negatives get pushed aside on a show. Life isn't always positive and grand, so why do RPers make it out to be?
but yesterday was so worth it. Warped Tour was in Pittsburgh... well, actually, Burgettstown, so I had to go. And was it worth the fucking wait. Got to see bands I never thought I'd see live [Yellowcard and Bowling For Soup- I'm twenty, these guys were part of my formulative pre-teen years], but I also got to go backstage at one of the best bands IMHO that were there this year, the Summer Set. I enjoyed myself so much yesterday, and ended up in West Virginia for food... so, there's that too. But seriously, I had the best fucking day ever, and even if my body is revolting against me in pain and scrapes [i was crowd-surfing. because it ain't fair to those who can do it if one person fucks it up], I'll still say it was the fucking shit.
I think it's time to shed some light on something that is very close to my heart, and it affects my everyday life, and even ventures onto tengaged quite a bit more than i would like it to. It's hard to tell someone that you're different than everyone else... that you have your own quirks that sometimes get exasperated to the point of flipping out at someone over something little... especially when you know that a person like you could be ostracized, because of those people who use your mental disability as an excuse.
Two characters I portrayed or will be portraying have had the same issue as me, Isaac Callahan and Dylan Kiriakis. They both are Aspies, and so am I. It gets demeaning when people think they can just treat me like shit because I am different... I don't look at things the same way as anyone else, and it's sometimes a challenge for me to even want to be on tengaged and do RPs, because of the fact that I am so introverted in real-life. I know some people on here are going to be dickwads, and to them I ask... why? Do you have some deep-rooted insecurity that you have to take it out on someone else? Or are you part of the Greater Internet Fuckwad Theory?
I know that my mental issues sometimes hold me back and make me a bit callous and uncouth, and for that I do apologize. But I also do not like being treated differently than anyone else, and I also hate how some people think that it's okay to be rude to those who are different on here. If you are going to do that, you can politely fuck off. I wanted to come clean with this issue, as it has recently caused a massive blow-out on my previous show, Unwritten, and has caused me to question my future as a tengager, but I know I am not alone in my struggle as I have friends on here, and in real life that will be there when I need them to be.
with the holier-than-thou attitude some show hosts have on tengaged. if there is a reason that i have about something [a show, a host, a fellow rper] that i believe that could negatively influence a show, i usually keep it to myself, which is the right thing to do. but once you push me to the point that i let the reason be known, the only person at fault is you. if you can't accept that... don't fucking host. i'm allowed to do what i want. you don't own me. i'm not gonna take crap... especially when i don't really deserve it. so what if i didn't join your show, but joined a show with people I ACTUALLY LIKE RPing with? it ain't the end of the world, and please get over it.
