This is going to be a long one. I'm not the most eloquent speaker nor an author, so trying to express my thoughts into a single blog post, especially one surrounding a topic so sensitive to me is going to be very difficult. Whatever I write, I know I won't be satisfied with the final outcome, but I have to at least try.
My name is Jon, aka Ari, aka catfish. I am a 24 year old gay male who suffers from gender dysphoria. You could say I'm trans, but the reason I don't is because I have made the conscious decision to live my life as a male and have no intention to transition. As someone who also suffers from crippling depression, anxiety and PTSD due to things I have experienced in my past, I guess you could say that's the main reason why I've chosen the easier option... I know how terrifying the world is, how evil. And it scares me. My life has been anything but easy, but trans people who openly transition have it the worst. A heartbreaking 70% suicide rate figure reflects this. If I were to ever come out (again) to my friends and family, I'm lucky enough that I can say I would have their full support. I know that's not the case for everyone. I have the utmost respect and admiration for those who are brave enough to transition, but I am not one of them.
Some days are harder than others, but in my real life I think I have made peace with my decision. I'll never find a way to completely fill that void or replace what I feel I've lost, but there are things I have done to help make life manageable and keep me on this earth for my family. Portraying as a female online is one of those reasons.
I'm not saying catfishing is right. It's not, it's wrong whatever the version. But I truly believe it鈥檚 your intentions that matter and I know mine came from this need for comfort and wanting to live out a fantasy than the desire to manipulate and deceive for pleasure. It's been my way ever since I can remember. I don't do it to prey on straight men because let's be honest, I'd of gotten more attention as my real self on a site like Tengaged where the majority of the player base is LGBT. I do it because the Internet is the only place I'll ever get the chance to live as my authentic self and the person I wish I was, albeit no longer Tengaged but because I've met so many amazing people whom I love and adore, it doesn't even matter.
I'd love to wipe the slate clean if you guys will have me. To anyone that's reading I hope you can understand or at least try to and if you're hurt by this announcement, I am truly sorry. From the bottom of my heart, that was never what I wanted.
**EDIT**
If I get evicted over Akeria and his tyrant pals amongst the like of Gavassi abusing multis and creating vicious and defaming lies, it doesn鈥檛 matter because I鈥檓 moving house on Friday into my dream city and have lots to celebrate. Just do me a favour and ensure ricardogv doesn鈥檛 win because nobody deserves to be a victim of this. Luckily I find it funny, but you never know what someone鈥檚 going through in real life or their state of fragility.
Thank you so much for the support and kind mails. :*
Be kind to one another.
- Ari
(TO BE UPDATED - the list of lies Akeria and his band of bullies are spreading... some of them are kind of funny to his credit.)
- I鈥檓 Racist
- A pedophile
- 30 year old called Andrew from Missouri (LMAO WHAT?? 馃檲)
- Akeria鈥檚 multi
- Homophobic
- Multi abuser (this one is hilarious considering Gavassi is involved)
- A scammer
With all due respect and thank you for creating Tengaged, but I think it鈥檚 time you sell it to someone who cares and wants to better it.
You鈥檙e clearly not as invested as you once was, and that鈥檚 perfectly okay! Nobody鈥檚 going to hold it against you for wanting to move on, but what鈥檚 not okay is giving your loyal and dedicated user base the short end of the stick whilst you continue to profit off of it. Some of the people here don鈥檛 want to move on, but they鈥檙e forced to pay the consequences for staying day in and day out due to your lack of interest and consideration for the site. It鈥檚 not morally or ethically right, and I think you know this. If you鈥檙e done, sell. Don鈥檛 waste the potential we all see and if that鈥檚 too much to ask, then for god sake just appoint some moderation.
