It's been a few months since my somewhat dramatic exit from the site after leaving the Final 11 of Cutthroat Big Brother 10 hanging without finishing the game.
During the game, I made a few hosting errors and I did not know how to find a solution to benefit all of the players involved. It got to the point where I felt a solution could not be met, so I made the irresponsible decision to run away and end the game. It's a decision I definitely regret and I cannot apologize more for.
To those affected by my poor decision-making, I am very sorry.
At the time, I was in the first week of my final semester of college, which is crazy! I started this site in the 7th grade and it has been with me through so many ups and downs. I realized how much time I was spending on TG with hosting Cutthroat and that I was not spending as much time on my real life.
Since taking a TG break, my life has improved. I started going to the gym a lot, lost a bit of weight, focused on school (which feels like a job), and can say I made so many new friends. I don't think that leaving TG is why all of these things happened, but I can say that it allowed me to focus on different aspects of life.
I began hosting group games at first because I enjoyed it a lot. It was fun to create and produce exciting games that people would spend a good amount of time trying to do what they could to win. I was very proud of that and I wanted to improve the quality of my games and my brand of games as much as I could.
It then turned into a point where I began hosting because I noticed that there was a strong group of people who really enjoyed my games. I was giving other people joy or an escape from the real world by creating a game, and I felt that was special. So, I tried to crank out as many games as I could.
I got to a point though where I was focusing too much on my games and not remembering why I began hosting in the first place -- because I enjoyed it.
Leaving my game adrift was my lowest point of hosting, and there were definitely some lows, but I felt absolutely terrible about my hosting skills and my game and brand as I was on my way out.
I don't want that to be the end of my chapter here.
I'm coming back because I believe now I have a more perfect balance. The ongoing pandemic has cleared up a lot of time in my schedule (and I'm sure many others) and I want to begin a new chapter.
I want to come back doing something that I love while also giving that for others, because times are coming up where we could really use an escape. I hope that my return can do that for me and hopefully some of you. If I can do that, I can smile.
I haven't decided whether I'm looking to do Cutthroat Survivor Generation II, Cutthroat 2020, or both. I think that decision should be made by the players. So, please give me feedback in the comments, in my Inbox, or to my Skype.
