I know this isn't the space for it, but this is the space I feel most comfortable writing this while having someone else see it but also not anybody that I can't just log out and avoid because I sometimes dislike sympathy/pity.
My mom was recently diagnosed with stage 4 cancer and an undetermined amount of time left to live and it has just been the most emotionally turbulent I have felt in my life. One day I'm angry, the next day I can't stop crying, sometimes both in the same 24 hour period which feels confusing.
What also sucks is I am trying to plan out how to spend the rest of her time alive with her. She also recently had a fall, so her mobility is terrible. She always wanted to go to Disney but I never took the opportunity to take her so I've been feeling guilty about that and also every time we've had an argument or disagreement for something useless.
Also, also trying to figure out how to balance my life so I don't emotionally burn out as a therapist 35 hours a week, and make time for my boyfriend/friends, and myself. I am so emotionally exhausted and it feels like nobody is giving me a break in life. Family is NOT helping out whatsoever, my job has this very cold white woman in social work supervisor and they fucked up my last three consecutive paychecks.
Anyway all this to say please reconsider your interactions with your loved ones if you can. My mom was very difficult to deal with and somewhat toxic, but still over here regretting a lot and feeling sad to know she won't be there to see my future endeavors. Also wanted to say thanks to Tryphena who was chatting with me during Stars comforting me a little understanding my problems a little.
Sending love your way 馃挅I know it鈥檚 not the same, but I recently lost a grandparent and have another one battling cancer now. It鈥檚 tough for me, but even worse to hear my mom鈥檚 feelings on losing a parent possibly soon is heartbreaking :( sorry for the paragraph, but I鈥檓 always open to talk if you need someone :)
You鈥檙e going through a lot. I鈥檓 hoping your boyfriend and friends can be your support system and will be there for you throughout this all. One day at a time. Only control what you can control and do as much as you can while still being true and healthy to yourself. You can message me if u ever need to talk/vent. Can鈥檛 imagine going through that with a mom and I hope that you will be able to find things for her to enjoy
Disney is also really accessible to all types of people so I wouldn鈥檛 rule that out just quite yet!
Sending so much love to you Jon! Stay as strong as possible but don鈥檛 fear breaking down its natural! Love you dude and if you ever need a chat just mail me!馃憤馃徏馃憤馃徏馃憤馃徏
Sending so much love. I went through this at 22 years old. You will become one of the strongest people compared to most with this journey. Fuck cancer. Support groups, therapy, and your true friends will be there for you along the way. <3
yup. it's a very uniquely hard experience to watch your parent deteriorate and learn that the expiration date on that relationship is coming a lot sooner than you'd realized. cherish that time but also focus on yourself and what you need. don't blame yourself and minimize any feelings of regret that fester because that only makes it so much worse for you
change what you can and accept what you can't. no two people's experiences are the same but i can most certainly empathize with you. i'd also like to remind you that you were a PARTICULARLY good friend to me during the time after my mom and that i will always remember that
Hugs! I know exactly what you are going through. I wish I had your level of acceptance! Well it truly sucks so make nice memories with her. You will cherish them forever鉂わ笍
I'm so sorry to hear this, my grandmother was also recently diagnosed with an incurable cancer so I completely understand how much this sucks. I wouldn't focus on all the things you might not get to experience together but rather all of the things you will do with the time she has left as well as reminiscing on all the good times you have had.
If she is going through any chemo treatments they can be long and it would be a nice gesture to offer to go with her for support or to even gift her things to make those treatments a little better, like maybe a new book to read, a comfortable sweater, or something to help with the nausea.
I said most of what i wanted to you via text, I hope you still have that number.
I would not wish this on my worst enemy, it is the most excrutiating thing you have to go through in life and it breaks my heart you have to go through it. I have experience, if you ever want to rant and bitch or cry and talk, you have my phone number and I will ALWAYS be here at ANY time of day. Its hard to hear - but you *will* get through this and it will make you a stronger person. ABSOLUTELY DO NOT hold back your emotions, they bottle up and explode very quickly. You will feel better when you stop trying to fight them and just *feel* them. Its natural.
I love you so much and i hope you know you can always contact me. Always!!
I'm incredibly sorry you are going through this. If you ever need someone to reach out to, please don't hesitate. I know we don't talk too much but everyone needs a shoulder to lean on during these tough times.
" I am so emotionally exhausted and it feels like nobody is giving me a break in life. "
As someone who lost a parent last year and had the worst year of my life, I related to this so much... It's one of the hardest experiences to go through & it changes you forever. I constantly felt like everyone was just breezing through life while I was getting drowned in problem after problem with no one truly understanding the depth of the struggles I had to face every day but just know it does eventually ease up, I can't say it gets easier or better necessarily just yet as it's too soon but it definitely has gotten more manageable and I feel a lot less bitter at times to the people around me.
bbdamian Also, look into FMLA. It was a lifesaver for me when I was dealing with this with my mother. Most employers have this, and you can still go to work if you want to, but cant be penalized for not being able to make it to work due to her health. You might have to get something signed, though, as mine was signed through HOSPICE care.
Please look into it, though. Your job and being a full-time nurse is NOT easy, but you have options.
