This site uses cookies. If you continue to browse the site, we shall assume that you accept the use of cookies.
Big Brother and online Hunger games.

tw: cancer, loss of parent

1stMay 18, 2022 by BbDamian
I know this isn't the space for it, but this is the space I feel most comfortable writing this while having someone else see it but also not anybody that I can't just log out and avoid because I sometimes dislike sympathy/pity.

My mom was recently diagnosed with stage 4 cancer and an undetermined amount of time left to live and it has just been the most emotionally turbulent I have felt in my life. One day I'm angry, the next day I can't stop crying, sometimes both in the same 24 hour period which feels confusing.

What also sucks is I am trying to plan out how to spend the rest of her time alive with her. She also recently had a fall, so her mobility is terrible. She always wanted to go to Disney but I never took the opportunity to take her so I've been feeling guilty about that and also every time we've had an argument or disagreement for something useless.

Also, also trying to figure out how to balance my life so I don't emotionally burn out as a therapist 35 hours a week, and make time for my boyfriend/friends, and myself. I am so emotionally exhausted and it feels like nobody is giving me a break in life. Family is NOT helping out whatsoever, my job has this very cold white woman in social work supervisor and they fucked up my last three consecutive paychecks.

Anyway all this to say please reconsider your interactions with your loved ones if you can. My mom was very difficult to deal with and somewhat toxic, but still over here regretting a lot and feeling sad to know she won't be there to see my future endeavors. Also wanted to say thanks to Tryphena who was chatting with me during Stars comforting me a little understanding my problems a little.

Comments

Hugs so hard
Sent by Times_Places,May 18, 2022
I'm so sorry, Jon. Sending you lots of love
Sent by tharealmike,May 18, 2022
awwww Jon hugs babes ❤️
Sent by MrMinaj,May 18, 2022
I am so sorry :( hugs king
Sent by Gominai,May 18, 2022
Im so sorry. HUGS!!
Sent by Robynn,May 18, 2022
im so sorry :(
Sent by Carriexoxo24xo,May 18, 2022
❤️❤️❤️❤️❤️
Sent by YasGaga,May 18, 2022
awe sorry to hear :( sending you good vibes
Sent by J2999,May 18, 2022
I'm so so sorry to hear this Jon. If you ever want to reach out my pms are always open. Sending you love 💕
Sent by biminibonboulash,May 18, 2022
Thinking of you and your family in this difficult time Jon. Im here if you need to vent buddy.
Sent by DBonee,May 18, 2022
I am so sorry Jon :( hugs
Sent by _Finesse,May 18, 2022
i m so Sorry.. !
Sent by Yoko_Homo,May 18, 2022
Sending love your way 💖I know it’s not the same, but I recently lost a grandparent and have another one battling cancer now. It’s tough for me, but even worse to hear my mom’s feelings on losing a parent possibly soon is heartbreaking :( sorry for the paragraph, but I’m always open to talk if you need someone :)
Sent by tonym101101,May 18, 2022
Love you Jon ❤️ . Always here if you need to vent!
Sent by RawrItsNick,May 18, 2022
❤️❤️❤️
Sent by dannyjr0587,May 18, 2022
❤️❤️❤️❤️
Sent by Cadden,May 18, 2022
You’re going through a lot. I’m hoping your boyfriend and friends can be your support system and will be there for you throughout this all. One day at a time. Only control what you can control and do as much as you can while still being true and healthy to yourself. You can message me if u ever need to talk/vent. Can’t imagine going through that with a mom and I hope that you will be able to find things for her to enjoy

Disney is also really accessible to all types of people so I wouldn’t rule that out just quite yet!
Sent by sjsoccer88,May 18, 2022
Sending so much love to you Jon! Stay as strong as possible but don’t fear breaking down its natural! Love you dude and if you ever need a chat just mail me!👍🏼👍🏼👍🏼
Sent by jason_2_12,May 18, 2022
Sending so much love. I went through this at 22 years old. You will become one of the strongest people compared to most with this journey. Fuck cancer. Support groups, therapy, and your true friends will be there for you along the way. <3
Sent by Allison,May 18, 2022
You have so much love & support from people across the world!
Sent by BenjaminB,May 18, 2022
yup. it's a very uniquely hard experience to watch your parent deteriorate and learn that the expiration date on that relationship is coming a lot sooner than you'd realized. cherish that time but also focus on yourself and what you need. don't blame yourself and minimize any feelings of regret that fester because that only makes it so much worse for you

change what you can and accept what you can't. no two people's experiences are the same but i can most certainly empathize with you. i'd also like to remind you that you were a PARTICULARLY good friend to me during the time after my mom and that i will always remember that
Sent by AustinRules6969,May 18, 2022
Hugs! I know exactly what you are going through. I wish I had your level of acceptance! Well it truly sucks so make nice memories with her. You will cherish them forever❤️
Sent by Minie,May 18, 2022
Sending you the best man. This is the absolute worst situation to be in and just try to cherish every moment you can. Praying for you and her.
Sent by Vixens,May 18, 2022
Jon <3  I'm so sorry you're going through this. I love you and i'm here for you. <3
Sent by MastaManipulator_11,May 18, 2022
im so so sorry
Sent by temponeptune,May 18, 2022
:( I'm sorry
Sent by Jenii_Valenta,May 18, 2022
im sorry king <3
Sent by ricardogv,May 18, 2022
:( hugs....
Sent by Lucas_RFS,May 18, 2022
Aww, I'm so sorry Jon.
Sent by Tryphena,May 18, 2022
Hugs ilysm <3
Sent by teamclay,May 18, 2022
I'm so sorry to hear this, my grandmother was also recently diagnosed with an incurable cancer so I completely understand how much this sucks. I wouldn't focus on all the things you might not get to experience together but rather all of the things you will do with the time she has left as well as reminiscing on all the good times you have had.

If she is going through any chemo treatments they can be long and it would be a nice gesture to offer to go with her for support or to even gift her things to make those treatments a little better, like maybe a new book to read, a comfortable sweater, or something to help with the nausea.

I wish the best for you and your family ❤️
Sent by SennaRichards,May 18, 2022
Jon :( im so sorry to hear this, please let me know it you ever want someone to talk to - i’ll be there
Sent by XRyn0618,May 18, 2022
❤️
Sent by Kaylabby,May 18, 2022
I said most of what i wanted to you via text, I hope you still have that number.

I would not wish this on my worst enemy, it is the most excrutiating thing you have to go through in life and it breaks my heart you have to go through it. I have experience, if you ever want to rant and bitch or cry and talk, you have my phone number and I will ALWAYS be here at ANY time of day. Its hard to hear - but you *will* get through this and it will make you a stronger person. ABSOLUTELY DO NOT hold back your emotions, they bottle up and explode very quickly. You will feel better when you stop trying to fight them and just *feel* them. Its natural.

I love you so much and i hope you know you can always contact me. Always!!
Sent by ShayyBayy,May 18, 2022
i'm so sorry :(
Sent by HeavyRain,May 19, 2022
I'm incredibly sorry you are going through this. If you ever need someone to reach out to, please don't hesitate. I know we don't talk too much but everyone needs a shoulder to lean on during these tough times.

Nothing but love from all of us here.
Sent by CheapCheep,May 19, 2022
-15 for constantly negging my blogs.
Sent by Otaq,May 19, 2022
"  I am so emotionally exhausted and it feels like nobody is giving me a break in life. "

As someone who lost a parent last year and had the worst year of my life, I related to this so much... It's one of the hardest experiences to go through & it changes you forever. I constantly felt like everyone was just breezing through life while I was getting drowned in problem after problem with no one truly understanding the depth of the struggles I had to face every day but just know it does eventually ease up, I can't say it gets easier or better necessarily just yet as it's too soon but it definitely has gotten more manageable and I feel a lot less bitter at times to the people around me.
Sent by top20fan33,May 19, 2022
Im sorry hun 💔💔💔
Sent by systrix,May 19, 2022
Really sorry to hear this, get in touch if you want to talk.
Sent by Simplyobsessed,May 19, 2022
I'm so sorry, sending love ❤️
Sent by Laura21,May 19, 2022
bbdamian Also, look into FMLA. It was a lifesaver for me when I was dealing with this with my mother. Most employers have this, and you can still go to work if you want to, but cant be penalized for not being able to make it to work due to her health. You might have to get something signed, though, as mine was signed through HOSPICE care.

Please look into it, though. Your job and being a full-time nurse is NOT easy, but you have options.
Sent by ShayyBayy,May 19, 2022
Otaq because thats the right thing to do in this situation. Petty as fuck and disgusting. Get a life.
Sent by ShayyBayy,May 19, 2022
So sorry <3
Sent by BlueBarracuda,May 20, 2022

Leave a comment