1) Tired of always hosting those damn "Ironman" contests.
2) The Aloha Bowl keeps missing out on National Championship Alliance Game.
3) Hula Dancers at halftime will blow away any lame marching band performance.
4) Most residents prefer football touchdown spike to lame-ass beach volleyball spike.
5) Only way to keep Canadian tourists coming to island is to get Pro Hockey.
6) Compared to some of the pro uniforms out there, the grass skirt concept is not THAT bad.
7) Name the Basketball team the "EYES" just so you could use the slogan "You can't hide from your Hawaiian Eyes!"
8) Contrary to what you may think, Professional Surfing is just not a ratings draw.
9) After 50 plus years of study, authorities are confident that game will not be cancelled by surprise Japanese bombing.
10) By combing local tradition with an exciting goal, you could create the slogan of "HE SHOOTS, HE SCORES, HE GOT LEID!!!"
1) He bites your dog.
2) You catch him peering in your mail slot at 3 in the morning.
3) He drives his jeep into your yard just to deliver the mail.
4) He's seen delivering the mail wearing nothing but his bag.
5) He regular beats up the Paper boy and the Milkman for delivering on his turf.
6) He tells you that there's postage due at gunpoint.
7) Twice he has hidden in your bushes and done a sniper attack on the UPS guy.
8) He delivers mail wearing a hockey mask.
9) When he comes to your house, he always has blood on his pants.
10) He asks you regularly if you would like to see his underwear made of stamps.
1) "Interested in serving HARD time?"
2) "Don't you prefer dropping bar soap instead of that liquid crap?"
3) "Due to a recent execution, I now have an opening for my prison bitch."
4) "Time, Love and Tenderness isn't just a Michael Bolton song, its my way of life."
5) "Stop by my cell later for a Lethal Injection."
6) "Wanna Make License Plates after dark?"
7) "Cinemax3 is doing another one of those Women in Prison movies soon..wanna audition in my cell?"
8) "Bread, Water or Me?"
9) "Wanna Attend a Chain Gang Bang?"
10) "You're getting your GED..wow that makes me so H O T T!"
1) You still have some nasty unpaid library fines.
2) Its being catered by Doris and the gals from the cafeteria.
3) You can't bring weapons.
4) Remember that dorky guy who sat in front of you during Algebra class? He owns Microsoft.
5) You're petrified over that mandatory Algebra exam between dinner and dessert.
6) Your prom date is STILL looking for you.
7) You didn't like these people ten years ago and you sure aren't going to like seeing them dance to some crap like "Venus"
8) The other person in your class was a real dork.
9) You don't want people to know that you married the girl Voted Most Likely To Fester.
10) You don't to hear someone say "Honey, you're going to spend the next 10 years with your REAL father!!"
