1) Tired of always hosting those damn "Ironman" contests.
2) The Aloha Bowl keeps missing out on National Championship Alliance Game.
3) Hula Dancers at halftime will blow away any lame marching band performance.
4) Most residents prefer football touchdown spike to lame-ass beach volleyball spike.
5) Only way to keep Canadian tourists coming to island is to get Pro Hockey.
6) Compared to some of the pro uniforms out there, the grass skirt concept is not THAT bad.
7) Name the Basketball team the "EYES" just so you could use the slogan "You can't hide from your Hawaiian Eyes!"
8) Contrary to what you may think, Professional Surfing is just not a ratings draw.
9) After 50 plus years of study, authorities are confident that game will not be cancelled by surprise Japanese bombing.
10) By combing local tradition with an exciting goal, you could create the slogan of "HE SHOOTS, HE SCORES, HE GOT LEID!!!"
