I recently took a short vacation to a lesser developed country. On my last night I decided to sample some of the more exotic local fare and had a mixed seafood dish which was quite good. All was fine until the flight home when I started feeling a lot of pressure in my abdomen. I could tell I wasn鈥檛 going to shart, so I leaned over a bit and poofed out a bit of gas, smooth as silk. I was giving myself a mental high-five when I realized that what was supposed to have been a sly poot turned out to be a horrendous stench bomb that instantly engulfed several rows fore and aft. Little babies started crying immediately, while the adults let out short barks that registered somewhere between shock and despair. In a display of primal instinct, a couple of teens sitting across the aisle reflexively pulled their tee shirt collars up over their mouth and nose. The gas was so dense and foul that I thought I could maybe see it clouding the air in the cabin. A flight attendant up front noticed the commotion and bustled down the aisle, but upon entering the contaminated zone, instantly spun on her heel and beat a hasty retreat. There was no way I was going to fess up and apologize, so instead I just scowled and pretended to look around for the culprit. Fortunately things cleared out pretty fast. I didn鈥檛 dare try it again, I had taken my fellow passengers by surprise the first time, but now they were wary and fully alert. For the rest of the flight, anyone that made their way back to the lavatory was subjected to the scrutiny of a hundred eyes. We landed and I deplaned without further incident, however, I did totally trash a toilet in Customs, but that鈥檚 another story.
