It's been pretty hectic lately in my real life the last few months. There's been alot on my plate and i dealt with things that I would not wish upon anyone ever, so I turned to this site to keep me from losing my mind. Today I realized something, and that was this time last year I was doing me, I was never home and I was always spending time with my friends,family, and nephews basically keeping up with reali life things.
Like many others, I've been trying hard to balance tengaged and real life, but every time I try that i fail and come right back to this this site because of all the stupid shit that I don't wanna face in the real world. I'm shocked that I let a site basically take over my life. It was my escape from things and now I realize I need a escape from this site. Don't get me wrong, Im not leaving for good its just time for me to spend less time on here and more with the friends and family.
I pushed so many people away in my life and I feel horrible doing it buts it something that I do and nothing will change that. I see alot of people of push others way just as hard, if not harder. I also feel as though they should not have done that. But for me its more than that. I have lost who I am as a person on this site, and going to take alot getting that person back and being the person I was before joining this site and spending all my damn time on it. Who would have thought this site would cause people stress. The way people get mad in games and at you for nominating them or evicting them, or the fact people join games to purposely take you out.
This is suppose to be a site where people come here to have fin and meet people, instead it has people threatening,judging,name calling, and so much just over a stupid game. Just stop with it all and enjoy your on here, theres no use for it all. If someone evicts you who cares join the next game and move on. Don't get mad over it and hold grudges because of it,its not worth the stress your giving to that person, nor is worth the effort you are putting into doing what you are to that person, especially when there is alot more important things you can worry about. Its okay to play with premades every now and than. Its okay to cut back when you need to.
Its hard, I know but burning bridges with people in this game that once trusted you is no longer something I can do. I've done wrong to so many people on this site, and that is not the person I am. I feel as though I've come along way on this site, and I have changed as a person. Its not something I want to give up, but I do know I have to spend less time on here. Because I can no longer be the person people want me to be in this game as well as real life. In order for me to do that I need to stop playing so many games in a day and spend more time with the people that are most important to me. To the people that have taken a break from this site, I honestly envy you for the purpose that you actually did it. You did what you had to do in order to be yourself.
Maybe I need less hours on here,days,weeks, I dont know exactly but what I do know is I cannot deal with the hate of people on this site no more, nor can I miss out on my nephews growing up and seeing them smile every day. It seems stupid to do a blog saying all of this to spend less time on this site and how this has so much hatred, but I think we need to be reminded from time to time what this site is really all about. I know I do. There's so much pressure in everything, and its like no matter the decisions you make your letting someone down and than they hate you.
And you know what?? Every time I've had wanting to take a break or spend less time on here, some babble bullshit happened and I come right back here. There's been a few people on this site, that I consier as a friend more than this tengaged friendship, and those are the friendships I will take with me. But I feel as though this is something I have do for myelf as well as alot of people on this site, and tht is like Ive said spend less time on here and more time in the real world with my friends and family.
Plus, heres something about me that some most of you don't know and why it bothersme so much when people call people names. One of my closest friends in which we are not friends anymore her cousin ended her life because of people calling her names over the internet and in real life. As for me Ive suffered from a eating disorder for awhile now. I went and got help but its definately a struggle til this day, especially when you have people calling you a "fat bitch". Its not easy dealing with it, and the fact that so many people are so quick to judge you when they don't know you is a damn shame.
This site has taught me alot as a person and about others. That even the simplest comments to someone can effect them in the slighest way, because you do not what that person has been through and what they have dealt with as a person outside of this site. Im just hoping I can actually take the time from this and concentrate on myself.
To everyone on this site that I have done wrong and lost, or you have a problem with me for whatever reason I am truly sorry. To the friends that I have met on here and made this site worth the fun and the laughs thank you. To the people that have been there for me through all the hatred on me from people, I owe it to you the most, because you could have turned you backs on me and did not.I hope with less time on here we can still talk. So with this all being said heres to me hoping less time on here.
I just feel like giving a shoutout to some people on this site who have made this site fun< 3
DallasG - i dont even know if u are still around on this site anymore,but Imissplaying
games with u so much. Its been forever since we played and talked, and u need get back on so we can play. You were the first I ever met on this site who i considered a friend.
I miss you and get your ass back online soon< 3
@WeezyFKrazy - where can i possibly start with u? You have to be the one person on this site that knows me the best. I cant explain how much you mean to me, you taught me alot about myself, things I didnt even know. You are hands down my best friend on this site. We had some really good talks which I would not change for the world. We have this love for writing, although u are better than me that no one will ever understand.Clearly things have changed between us, but I want you to know I dont ever wanna lose your friendship. You always know when something is up, and no matter what I will always be there for you< 3 So thank you for everything< 3Love you< 3
AngelofWater - ahh i have to say when we first entered that game it was beyond awkward for the first time. I never thought we would be friends the way we are, i was very hesitant as to becoming friends with u do to soo many reasons. But I have to say I am so glad I did. From our journals to each other talking about god knows what lol. How we bought books to read so we could talk about it but ur a beast and are already on the second one lol I will definately get the book donesoon because I have too. And we will both find our "Christian Grey" one day. Thank for always being there and willing to listen to me vent.Love you < 3
Instagram - i dunno where u have been lately, but u are one person that i seriously have i wish i had as my lil bro in real life. You were always looking out for me. I miss u like crazy as u never come on anymore. As u just did today and I do have to say it made me realize how much i miss talking to you. I love you soo much and u are my brother from another mother. we still have to go thrift shopping together , but so u know i only have $20 in my pocket. I love you so much and when do u leave for good u better bring ur ass on skype because i wanna talk to u still, if not we will have to find another way to communicate than. < 3
bailey5000 - Let me start off by saying u intimidated me for the longest time:) these last couple weeks have been so much fun talking to you!! However no matter what you say u do have a accent, and I do not. I already have 1 point saying i dont have a accent lol.. You have been the reason for so many things lately and I cant thank you enough for being there for me. Getting to know you has been so good, and I cant wait to get to know u even more. Its now 170/169 i think? until u come here to visit, and Im excited and nervous at the same time. Who would of thought I would ever be meaning you because I sure as hell didnt. When we first started talking I never knew we would talk more than just the game. We stopped talking for awhile because i dont know why and im happy we started talking again. When it comes to the personal lives I think we can relate to some things and we understand where each other is coming from. As we find out how much different words mean where we live one being the bird. I am definately your bird, and yes I can chirp lol..Who would have thought I would be your girlfriend< 3
Elvira -girl u are awesome, i am so glad we started talking. For the longest time I never talked to you, because I just figured you hated me. but u are a really nice person and u will always be my vira-boo< 3
sprado91 - my boo for life..ua re my castings partner where we have our late night spamming sessions. Looking back at everything I do have to say u are like a brother to me. its like we can talk about any and every thing to each other and be soo supportive of each other. I think u are the main person I come to for advice on things, u have helped me out in alot of situations and thanks for that. When I go to florida we are getting together and drinkin and smokin some for sure. Love you< 3
jsylvia76 -girl u are like one of my closest friends on this site that is a girl.
As I dont get along with girls very often because they are all drama. So happy we are friends, and i think u are the only that like country music with me, and wants to do line dancing. We are definately taking our road trip next summer and i look forward to it.
Love our chats and u are such a sweet heart and I adore u too pieces. Love you < 3
MikePerko -uhm only thing I can say is u are awesome, even though we dont talk as much as we used too:)
TastetheRainbowBitch -ahh u are fuckign awesome and I dont care what anyone says on this site. I respect you somuch as a player and as a person. I love the fact u stick up for yourself and u really dont care what ppl think. You are definately a karma whore. I do ahve to say though im glad we are on good terms because even when all the shit was happening between me and ppl even though u did not like me forwhatever reason I never had a problem with u. U make me laugh. I still dont know what u are when it comes to
being a male or a female, u tell ur a girl but ppl say different. Either way im happy we are friends now and we talk.keep on being awesome and all the ppl who have something to say about and how u play the game they just hatin< 3
SpaceCadet -i remember u use hate me, and i really disliked u, but somehow we started talking and u are great. You are my volleyball boo lol. We dont talk much but when we do its worth it. i respect u alot even though u are younger than me. One thing i do have to say is u say ur doing something and u do it. One thing that meant the most to me is that hunger games u promised me u would win for me and u did it. it broke my heart alittle because
u didnt have to do that. You are fucking awesome< 3
Piviko -i adore you to pieces u are so sweet and kind. You are like a lil bro to me. thank u for the sign< 3
Carsonl -lmaoo u make me laugh. i remember when we first started talking u would never let me live down my skype pic and because of that, u got the nickname u did.However i do admit u need a new one and I will think of one soon. We stopped talking for awhile and than just in one game u brought up my skype pic. I think u are the only person to agree with me that sleep is overrated lol. I still dont believe the age u say u are
because u speak as if u were a grown professional businees man. Keep on Balloooning< 3
Carlisle -Ayyyee i miss talking to and playing games with u..Everytime im online u are not and when ur on im usually not hopefully next time if we are we catch up because i miss u too pieces< 3
Carleebear -omg i love ur name obviously as we have simliar name. I dont care what anyone says u are like a little sister to me on this site. I love you and I adore u and i want u to know u can talk to me about everything. Dont let ppl on this site get to u because they are not worth it. There just dumb asses who sit behind a computer and hate there lives so they have to pick on ppl. You are beautiful and smart and dont let anyone tell u differently. Keep your head up girl< 3
unkown -omg i dont even know how we started talking but u are one person that can make me laugh so much. Its always fun talking to, as you constantly troll me.Always sayin how much u dont like me but we know the truth lol. U have lived in 3 different places since we started talking and the voice of yours needs to go as it is not you. lol.You are awesome and i love you< 3
jc1993 -ahh havent talked to u in what seems like forever..We had some fun chats and u always made me laugh. Because of one little thing that was said things changed between us. I want u to know u are a amazing person and i still think highly of you. I hope ur doing well in school and maybe we can get a game in and catch up soon. Miss you < 3
xoHannahxo - girl we definately had our differences before, and it took a castings for us to actually talk and be on teh same page.. U are such a sweetheart and u be killing those challenges. I have alot of respect for you< 3
roshy - i dont know what it is with us but when it comes to games we defo have trust issues. I am sorry for everything when it comes to games and hopefully one of these games i can show you. When u saved me with pov that one day u shocked the hell outta me i was not expecting it what so ever. Hopefully u give me the chance to prove just one last time and we can actually be on the same page. Keep doing you< 3
Buildie - we dont ever talk unless we in games, and with ur random ass commments u make me laugh. we do make some nice cakes when we do make it final 2 together lol. keep on being u because u defo be putting smiles on ppls faces with ur humor< 3
If i forgot anyone and u think u should be on here let me know and I can add u on here:)
Sooo first off wanna start off by saying that i dont really care if this get plussed or negged because im just basically venting something. I am not saying im perfect on this site, because lets face theres been times ive told ppl i was working with them and wind up nomming them do to me being closer to others in the game.
I have told ppl at one point or another that i saved them when i did not do that. One thing though is i do not take this game serioulsy. And yes i probably spend more time on this site than I should, but one thing i do not do is try and throw others under the bus.
I never hold grudges and im very forgiving person and usually am i always the bigger person. But lately it just seems like no matter what i do it will never be okay.
One thing i cannot stand is the fact that ppl constantly have my name in there mouth and constantly what seems like tryiing to turn ppl against me. Its soo frustrating when theres ppl out there that do that. people who will make up lies and say im saying stuff when i am not and they have no proof that i even said because there is none. I happen to be a very outgoing person on this as i am irl, and il talk to anyone basically.
Theres a few ppl on this site that i happen to know more than just tengaged person they are, and i actually got to know the real them as they did with me. When ppl try and turn those ones against me, i think that bothers me the most.
People dont have to like me on this site and i clearly dont have to like them, but one thing i will never do is talk to others about them just because i dont like them. its like no matter what my name is always brought up in conversations, and im tired of it. So please to all u people who want to talk about me and make me the centre of your attention please stop because the shit is really getting olld
Finally got gold and i wouldnt have been able to do without some amazing people:)
I just feel like giving a shoutout to some people on this site who have made this site fun< 3