It's been pretty hectic lately in my real life the last few months. There's been alot on my plate and i dealt with things that I would not wish upon anyone ever, so I turned to this site to keep me from losing my mind. Today I realized something, and that was this time last year I was doing me, I was never home and I was always spending time with my friends,family, and nephews basically keeping up with reali life things.
Like many others, I've been trying hard to balance tengaged and real life, but every time I try that i fail and come right back to this this site because of all the stupid shit that I don't wanna face in the real world. I'm shocked that I let a site basically take over my life. It was my escape from things and now I realize I need a escape from this site. Don't get me wrong, Im not leaving for good its just time for me to spend less time on here and more with the friends and family.
I pushed so many people away in my life and I feel horrible doing it buts it something that I do and nothing will change that. I see alot of people of push others way just as hard, if not harder. I also feel as though they should not have done that. But for me its more than that. I have lost who I am as a person on this site, and going to take alot getting that person back and being the person I was before joining this site and spending all my damn time on it. Who would have thought this site would cause people stress. The way people get mad in games and at you for nominating them or evicting them, or the fact people join games to purposely take you out.
This is suppose to be a site where people come here to have fin and meet people, instead it has people threatening,judging,name calling, and so much just over a stupid game. Just stop with it all and enjoy your on here, theres no use for it all. If someone evicts you who cares join the next game and move on. Don't get mad over it and hold grudges because of it,its not worth the stress your giving to that person, nor is worth the effort you are putting into doing what you are to that person, especially when there is alot more important things you can worry about. Its okay to play with premades every now and than. Its okay to cut back when you need to.
Its hard, I know but burning bridges with people in this game that once trusted you is no longer something I can do. I've done wrong to so many people on this site, and that is not the person I am. I feel as though I've come along way on this site, and I have changed as a person. Its not something I want to give up, but I do know I have to spend less time on here. Because I can no longer be the person people want me to be in this game as well as real life. In order for me to do that I need to stop playing so many games in a day and spend more time with the people that are most important to me. To the people that have taken a break from this site, I honestly envy you for the purpose that you actually did it. You did what you had to do in order to be yourself.
Maybe I need less hours on here,days,weeks, I dont know exactly but what I do know is I cannot deal with the hate of people on this site no more, nor can I miss out on my nephews growing up and seeing them smile every day. It seems stupid to do a blog saying all of this to spend less time on this site and how this has so much hatred, but I think we need to be reminded from time to time what this site is really all about. I know I do. There's so much pressure in everything, and its like no matter the decisions you make your letting someone down and than they hate you.
And you know what?? Every time I've had wanting to take a break or spend less time on here, some babble bullshit happened and I come right back here. There's been a few people on this site, that I consier as a friend more than this tengaged friendship, and those are the friendships I will take with me. But I feel as though this is something I have do for myelf as well as alot of people on this site, and tht is like Ive said spend less time on here and more time in the real world with my friends and family.
Plus, heres something about me that some most of you don't know and why it bothersme so much when people call people names. One of my closest friends in which we are not friends anymore her cousin ended her life because of people calling her names over the internet and in real life. As for me Ive suffered from a eating disorder for awhile now. I went and got help but its definately a struggle til this day, especially when you have people calling you a "fat bitch". Its not easy dealing with it, and the fact that so many people are so quick to judge you when they don't know you is a damn shame.
This site has taught me alot as a person and about others. That even the simplest comments to someone can effect them in the slighest way, because you do not what that person has been through and what they have dealt with as a person outside of this site. Im just hoping I can actually take the time from this and concentrate on myself.
To everyone on this site that I have done wrong and lost, or you have a problem with me for whatever reason I am truly sorry. To the friends that I have met on here and made this site worth the fun and the laughs thank you. To the people that have been there for me through all the hatred on me from people, I owe it to you the most, because you could have turned you backs on me and did not.I hope with less time on here we can still talk. So with this all being said heres to me hoping less time on here.
Lol I love you made I say this all the time to myself and I'm here everyday:) I told us you couldn't leave as its too addicting. I am really gonna spend less time on here and more times with my friends' at least you make final 2 all the time :(. Love you and always will. Miss you
