Thank you all for your answers! I think that this season for me was a blast, even though it was really just two sides going at each other. I think the caliber of players this season was really high and we all came to win!

I have made my decision about who I am going to vote to win this game. I wish you all good luck and can't wait to see which one of you takes home this win!!

Thanks Newz and Mike for hosting me for a third time! I loved every minute of it!

Thanks Josh!

To get this off my chest, I’m going to preface my questions with a statement. So, as I’m sure all three of you are aware, I was hurt by the way I was taken out. I trusted Ben and Will /way/ more than I should have, and that ended up being what got me out of the game. At the end of the day, I understand it. Do I respect it? No. I was with the two of you much more than either of you deserved, and I should have made a move when I had the chance. While I didn’t end up doing that, which cost me any chance of winning this game, there’s nothing I can do to change it now.

I have some questions for each of you.

I’ll start with Ben. So I’m gonna be straight up, unlike you were with me. How long did you string me along knowing you were going to cut me in the end? You had absolutely NO hesitation at the f5 tribal council it seemed, since both Absol and Will messaged me within /seconds/ of each other saying the exact same message: “Ben is targeting you”. How long did you lie to me? Did you ever second guess the decision? Do you feel any sense of remorse for genuinely hurting my feelings the way you did, despite me being such a “pivotal” part of your game?

Next, Will. Honestly Will, your vote against me hurt me MUCH more than Ben’s. I had doubts with Ben. I absolutely never doubted you. I get that it was what you had to do to get to the end, but it doesn’t change the hurt that I felt. My question for you is this: even if there was a chance that you would lose to me in the end, if you could change things, would you have had me there? Be honest - don’t just say you would love to have me in the end for the sake of my vote, I want to know. Would you have set aside a better strategic move for the sake of our friendship?

Finally, Andy. I enjoyed the conversations we had, although they were a bit short and sometimes seemed a bit stinted. My question for you is, if you could have made a bigger strategic move at any point in the game, what would it have been, if any at all? Please explain your answer and how you think it would’ve affected your endgame/how it would’ve won you the game.

I’d say good luck to the three of you, but I genuinely don’t believe that you deserve that.

Next, Will. Honestly Will, your vote against me hurt me MUCH more than Ben’s. I had doubts with Ben. I absolutely never doubted you. I get that it was what you had to do to get to the end, but it doesn’t change the hurt that I felt. My question for you is this: even if there was a chance that you would lose to me in the end, if you could change things, would you have had me there? Be honest - don’t just say you would love to have me in the end for the sake of my vote, I want to know. Would you have set aside a better strategic move for the sake of our friendship?

Honestly? I thought that I had a better chance than I believe I do now coming into this final tribal, but after seeing the questions and the general tone of where the other jurors stand I'm not so sure. If I do manage to pull off a win tomorrow night, then no, I would have to say I wouldn't set aside making a better strategic move for a personal friendship. At the end of the day I would feel very silly if I made a move that I believed would be clearly detrimental to me strategically and cost me the win for personal reasons. If I lose, however, that's a sign that I likely would have lost no matter who I was against, in which case I'd rather lose to you than to any of the other people that I was in the final 5 with. To put it plainly: I believe that I played to win (and if that involves betraying you, that's something I accept and have been ready to deal with the repercussions of as soon as the final 5 votes came in) but if I was going to lose no matter what I would rather lose to you than to the other people that made it to the finale. Does that sound flaky? I could see how one might think it does, but it's my 100%, unfiltered, honest opinion.

I think that, on a personal level, one thing Ben and I both didn't account for was the fact that this is your first time being voted out of a group game (he can back me up on this), while we both have a few dozen experiences of being voted off and/or betrayed just shy of the end. Hence on a personal level, neither of us really considered that it would probably feel a lot worse for you than it would for either of us getting voted out. So while I can't apologize for voting you off as a game move that I felt was necessary to give me the best chance of winning possible (as doing so would be fake and insincere), I *can* apologize for not taking that into account or considering the personal impact that that would have on you (i.e not seeing things from your perspective). For that I'm sorry, and I hope you'll still consider being friends with me after all this is over.

@Lexie

I’ll start with Ben. So I’m gonna be straight up, unlike you were with me. How long did you string me along knowing you were going to cut me in the end? You had absolutely NO hesitation at the f5 tribal council it seemed, since both Absol and Will messaged me within /seconds/ of each other saying the exact same message: “Ben is targeting you”. How long did you lie to me? Did you ever second guess the decision? Do you feel any sense of remorse for genuinely hurting my feelings the way you did, despite me being such a “pivotal” part of your game?

----

I'm going to attempt and break this up by singular question.  First, my intended plan was to go to the final four with you, myself, Will, and Andy after Josh had left unless Absol had won immunity which he did and Absol knew already he had to win out to make the end. I'd likely vote you out at the final four and it was either going to tie or Will was going to flip on you at that stage. 

Now, the moment that I decided that I need to officially cut you and was advocating was likely around the final seven/final six (somewhere in between).  After talking to remaining final seven it was made apparent that you were likely the biggest threat to win based on your social game and that's what I assumed as well.  If I had voted out Andy who was likely one of my best matchups out that's pretty much a death sentence for me.  Did I have genuine intentions at any point to take you to the end?  Yes, for the longest time whether you believe it or not my goal was at one point for me, you, and Will to make the end together.  I wanted to say that after Tris's boot that's when I started to be facetious and reconsider my end game options.  Josh had made a lot of strides with me and felt that I had better odds against him then you and I felt that me and Will played similar enough that maybe I'd have the edge in the strategy department if we were to make final tribal.

On a strategic level, I didn't second guess the decision as I felt this was likely my best option after Josh was voted out from the game.  However, on a personal level I wasn't necessarily sure if I could bring myself to it because we do and hopefully we can still have a genuine friendship.  There's been a lot of dreading moments for me in this season and despite my "no hesitation" it's just I had come to accept in the final few rounds before your elimination that "Lexie needs to leave to benefit my game" and Will did know I was highly considering to keep Andy over you during that time period.  Not to mention, Andy and myself were a duo in our past season which I also made public knowledge as well and reconnecting with him after failing to make final tribal together just made me feel his and I story line together was something I wanted to prioritize on a strategic and personal level.

Absolutely, I feel a ton of remorse and I know making a public statement here isn't going to be authentic as this is something that I want to talk about personally with you.  However, this was easily the hardest decision that I had to make in this game on a personal level and I've backstabbed about the entirety of this jury.  I've stated that my major flaw is how I get too close to individuals after having formed social relationships with them then having to cut them for the benefit of my own strategic game.  I felt that I was mostly either everyone's #2, #3 and/or best friend on this jury and while that's good strategy to go far the aftermath could negatively go against me.

Yes, I feel that I did you an extreme deservice in this game as you cleaned away the messes that I ended up creating.  Also, like Will stated that we did not account for the fact that this being the first game you were voted out in as opposed to myself or Will who have been boring turds for years on this site.  We'd expect the same reaction from you if one of us were to have been voted out instead.  On a personal note, I wish that I handled the situation better and at least gave you the time of day to plead your case even though my mind was made up. I felt looking back now that I owed you that much and wish that I had explained myself better as opposed to my dead silence. 

Overall, the move itself I don't regret as it was the correct move for me.  Maybe, I'm wrong but I felt pretty confident with my judgement.  The situation itself I did not handle well and that is something that I consider my biggest weakness this season among numerous jurors.  I do apologize, on a personal note that I hurt and needed to be more aware of your feelings prior to and I poorly mishandled the situation.

If you want to discuss your feelings whether now or after the game then I'm more then happy to listen and/or accept shit because I really was a shitty person this season by the way I maneuvered and I still consider you a friend at the end of the day.

@Lexie

Of course I would have rather played a different way and made some bolder moves. I've known for quite a while now that I would probably be an "easy beat," so I had to hope that the jury would be open-minded about listening to my case. I feel if I made bolder moves, I would definitely be credited more by the jury.

A smaller thing I wish I had done differently was show up to more challenges. I think, even if I'm perceived as being a follower, if I had shown up to more challenge, it would have given off the appearance of me at least doing something, whereas now, many people feel I didn't do anything during the game.

I also wish I had made bigger strategic moves. Like I said to Silver, I feel crazy for aligning with the same people who had wanted me out of the game. In an ideal world, I would have liked to have made a move around final 10 or so to take control of the game for myself, such as voting out Josh, who had voted for me multiple times in the pre-merge. I knew that I had to trust him fully, and it ended up working to my benefit, but if I was given the option, I wouldn't have wanted to take the risk of trusting someone who so adamantly targeted me. I know that's not the biggest move either, but I think by doing that, it would have set off a chain of bolder moves that I could claim as my own.

You asked how this would affect my endgame as well, and the weird thing about all of it is, I think I have a better shot to win the game now than in my scenario above, because in complete honesty, I don't think I would be here. While I think my chances of winning are very low, making a move would have made my chances 0. My whole shtick was that I was the loyal ally and that I'm not threatening in challenges, and once I break that, I become untrustworthy to the people I've put my trust in, and I don't think I would have had the relationships with everyone else to keep me in the game. I feel like I maybe make it to your position at best, if I'm lucky. Otherwise, I get taken out for being a threat, just like James, Nick, Patrick, Silver, you and Absolita.

Maybe if I had been playing differently from say, the swap, I would have been able to make a move and still make it to the end, but that wasn't the reality of the situation. I knew that realistically, I played how I needed to so that I could make it to the end to give myself a chance. Albeit, not a great one, but at the end of the day, I'm a finalist and if I had played differently, I don't feel like I would be, so I at least think my play was justifiable. I made decisions to maximize my chance of winning at risk of losing respect from the jury, despite them not being what I necessarily wanted.

Thanks all 3 of you for your answers

GL to all of you

4/10 Jury Votes Received.

I guess I'll post a short closing statement for anyone that cares.

I think the questions at this FTC have illuminated some of the perceived strengths and weaknesses with the game that I played this season, and I think there are (to be quite frank) some valid points made that I may not have considered before the jury questions started coming in.

I would like to say that, at the end of the day, I think I was able to accomplish all the goals that I set for myself this season -- I took more calculated risks, managed to be a well-rounded strategic and social force in the game, and was able to stay one step ahead to effectively plan my path to the end.

On a personal level, I'd like to note that I firmly believe that any game and non-game related relationships I developed with people were genuine, even if I ended up voting you out at the end of the day. While I recognize the necessity of doing so, I don't take any pleasure in voting off people I get along with. If I happen to be active on tengaged/skype feel free to hit me up in future games we might play together.

While I'd love to pull this off in a joyful manner (just as my mom Chrissy Hofbeck intended), I'm happy with how things turned out this season. Good luck Andy and Ben, and if I don't win please kill All Winners for me!

7/10 Jury Votes Received.