Courtney confesh
OH MY GOD! This game is FUCKING CRAZY! Let's start from the very start, right after our tribe lost that challenge where you had to run as quick as possible while three stooges tried to pin you down to the ground, which Andy Samberg like to throws stuff on. So, at first, the plan should have been fucking obvious. Since Nick was banned and was and at the tribal council, it should have been obvious that Nick would be evicted, and we would never see NickDaBannedBitch again. In fact, Josh, who I talked to, hoped Nick would be in the Tribal Council. In fact, Brendan, who I've realized has somehow turned me into Natalie Tenerelli, which I'll get to later, was fine with it. BUT THEN, the shit hit the fan. Right after I voted for NickDaBitch, it turned out that Noah and somehow Nick even though he's banned was spreading "lies" about Brendan, so the target somehow became Noah. Then, we had to make it seem like Brendan had an idol, and Brendan thought that I didn't want to vote for Noah. And then Austin told Brendan that people were going to split between him and me, and also I had to tell Josh all of this shit as well while getting him on our side, which I did. Also, for the record, I'm just as lost as you, I'm literally using my mails to help me remember what the FUCK happened.
But, it gets even better than that shit, because Brendan wanted me to ask Christian and Jasper who they were voting for by just being like, "hey bitch tell me the vote",'like I'm some shady drug dealer selling cocaine. I mean, hoe, they'll clearly lie to me since they know how much I'm close to you, but whatever, I'll still do that shit. And that shit, I did, RIGHT AFTER Brendan told me how he doesn't trust Jasper even though he was the one who brought Jasper into the alliance in the first fucking place. So, I did that shit. They both told me they were voting for Noah, which was good news to Brendan. BUT THEN, Brendan, who somehow has become my master, told me to ask Noah who he's voting for. I mean, bitch please! You're the snake charmer, and I'm the snake, so why don't you try charming for once! Also, that was a really bad analogy but whatever. So, I asked Noah, but, as it turns out, Noah TRULY has a double-digit IQ since he told ME who asked him out of the blue, to vote for Brendan. I mean, how stupid can you be? You bet I told Brendan, and you bet we told that double-digit IQd monkey-fighting ace out of here. Oh, and also, Christian had an idol which he played on his master, and it turned out, surprise, Jasper lied to us! Now, at this point, you might as well have made a Straight Outta meme about me because I was Straight Outta Fucks at this point.
Now, since this confessional is 99% a jumbling mess of me trying to explain strategy, all I'll say is that I was pleasantly surprised there was a merge, and also, I loved the Amazing Race challenge, but that puzzle was hard as fuck though since I had no idea you had to rotate the pieces, I mean, it took me twenty one valuable minutes to complete, that truly WAS hard as shit. But anyways, Christian got immunity, and all I say is good for him, he's an ally, so good for him! Now, I know I'm going to go to hell for this, but the first thing I did was ask Brendan who to vote for, and he told me to vote for whoever I felt like, and I'm like, "Bitch, you told me to do what you wanted to do, don't drop me off in the middle of nowhere". He told me to team up with Josh and Joel, and while I already considered myself teamed up with Josh, I didn't know about Joel actually, considering we fought once in Bingo's Survivor, so it might have been hard to team up. But, then again, I just sent him the deal at the time of me sending the confessional, so good luck to me. Also, everyone's voting off Morgan, and since that snake is irrelevant as fuck, we're going to do just that.