*Its the summer of 1984. A bus stops as eleven queens walk down a lonnnng dusty road and is greeted by the head counsler*
Hello ladies! Welcome to the summer camp! Over the next month and a half I’ll be putting you through tests to see who can be the best drag queen and snatch the crown!
Let me introduce myself. My name is Mother Monroe and here are my counslers, but you can call them judges.
*an old woman with a cane appears*
This is Twinkies LaChapelle, she taught me lots of things about drag and here is my best judy…
*A young twink looking queen appears*
This is Clitney Monroe, my first of many drag daughters.
My judges will give input and voice to me their opinions on who did well and who..did not. But the final decision is mine to make.
Each week, you will be tasked with a challenge and a runway. The worst queens will Lipsync to an iconic 80’s song and the loser sashay aways.
*Suddenly an axe flies out of nowhere and it lodges into one of the queens. She falls. Dead*
I forgot to mention...there is an escaped serial killer lurking in the campgrounds. Don’t sneak off at night!
For your FIRST challenge, the ten of you will be competing in two teams of five, as you’ll work together to create skits of a parody of Friday The 13th.
As the winner of last week, Caia got to decide the teams. Here they are:
Team Caia:
•Caia Alexander
•Justine Time
•Miso Young
•La Cucaracha
•Donna Lewk
Each skit needs to capture these 3 bullet points:
•Iconic deaths; Whether horrific, funny or both.
•Stereotypical 80’s teens: Mean Girl, Virgin, Stoner ect think Cabin In The Woods for inspiration. I want to see uniqueness in each character, and each queen to write their lines and jokes in the skit.
•A shocking ending. I want to end the skit to have a dramatic final act.
The skits will be judged on creativity, comedic factor, horror and how much each role is impacted in the story. If I see one queen doing all the work don’t expect to win.
One team will be safe and one team will be up for elimination. So be careful. The runways will separate the winner from highs, or lipsyncing queens from lows.
The runway category is…..THE MASKED SLINGER!
Show me a fashionable masked runway. This doesn’t have to be horror themed, go with whatever route you seem fit. Just make it fashion!
The bottom two queens will be lipsyncing to “I Think We’re Alone Now” by Tiffany. You only need to do upto 1:30 of the song. No more than 90 seconds please.
You have 48 hours but you may ask for 24 hr extensions, but only twice per week. Time management is key!
Runway:http://imgur.com/gallery/XYuGQvU
VO: for this runway I am giving you neon realness and I am loving my outfit head to toe and I am really hope the judges love what I am doing
I was kinda inspired by early 1900s fashion period, because I rewatched Titanic recently... and my mask is made up of diamonds but gives me a gas mask kinda vibe, and the whole ensemble is kinda spooky and I live for her tbh
VO: I was inspired by the Talian Drag Race Season 9 Week 0 almost-look that would've saved me from the embarrassment of going home first. I've been waiting for 5 months to wear a straight jacket and by God, I'm gonna wear one tonight. Watch me bite, bitchez.
VO: I haven't been able to display how much of a big nerd I am so far. In this heart-topping look, I'm drawing inspiration from Vanny the killer bunny from FNAF and the hunters from the black mirror episode 'White Bear'. Do you need to borrow my mask? Oh you're looking at little breathless.
Tonight my look is inspired by one of my favorite horror movies Saw!!! I am serving Jigsaw REALNESS HUNTY, and she is READY to set some booby traps up for her next victims.
Character Name
Brief Description
Who was the character assigned to?
Caia
Dumb blonde with big tits
Caia Alexander
Clover
Virgin/ Final GIrl
Clover
Donna
Slutty brunette with small tits
Donna
La Cuca
Mean bitch
La Cuca
The Killer
Ominous
????
Lunch Lady Lid-e-A
Kind Hearted Older woman
Justine Time
Title: Massacre on the Pageant Express
Scene 1: The Last Weekend of Camp, by the lake
Caia: Can you believe it? This will be the last time that we spend a friday, a saturday, and a sunday together during this summer camp.
Clover: Could you really not say “last weekend” instead of this manifesto?
Caia: I can say Last Weekend! Look at me, laaaaaaaast, weeeeeeken-
Clover: I love you Caia but what happened to your brain cells? Did they toss them out with the umbilical cord when your mom gave birth to you?
Caia: *yells* LA CUCA, COME HERE QUICK. Clover says we need an umbrella code because it’s raining tonight.
*La Cuca runs in*
La Cuca: LADIES LOOK ALIVE! I JUST FOUND THE GOOD NEWS
Caia: Jesus?
La Cuca: Genocide.
*Silence*
La Cuca: Just kidding! who is ready for the pageant tonight!
Clover: Oh right, the 7th annual Camp Woodcock Pageant to crown the next Miss Drumstick, I heard about that, but I can’t do it.
La Cuca: Because you don’t have talent.
Clover: Why was that a statement and not a question?
La Cuca: Well what talent would you do, girl?
Narrator: Clover tries to think of an answer and ponders to herself, if she’ll ever find true talent…
Clover: Just so you guys know I’m a virgin and I’m saving myself for marriage.
Caia and La Cuca: …..
Caia: I think I’ll do the pageant too, Clover, help me pick out a dress and I’ll help you find a talent, and maybe some dick, La Cuca, eat shit.
La Cuca: Wait, wait, I’m sorry, I can offer advice. Caia what you need to help with is picking a dress that can actually fit you, squeeze those headlights too tight and they will pop.
Caia: Jealous much?
La Cuca: Of what? Your silicone airbags? It’s not like they’re God-given assets, I can pay for a pair too..
Caia: You think everything’s about the money, like my boobs were installed all by themselves.
La Cuca: I-. Unless your tits were a rotating ceiling fan, I wouldn’t use the term “installed”... oh Caia *caresses her face then presses her cheeks* you really are precious. I wish I had a quarter of your innocence and a tenth of your ignorance.
Caia: *calculates*
La Cuca: Anyways, I’m off losers, this bitch has a soire to prepare for, see you tonight!
*La Cuca leaves the lake*
*Before heading to the showers, La Cuca makes a turn to the camp’s vending machine for a snack*
La Cuca: a diet coke and 3 pieces of crackers only you fat slut. Otherwise my talent show segment will be sliding on these fat rolls. The last thing I want to do is look as busted and out of shape as Diego Mara-Donna, that ugly bitch. I’m gonna blow the main judge in exchange for revealing her as the last placer *chuckles*, let’s see how hard she’ll cry this ti-
*hears movement behind her - turns, sees no one and continuous walking*
that bitch, even thinking about her makes me on edge *hears another noise, this time louder*. WHO IS THIS? I’M NOT IN THE MOOD TODAY SO DON’T EVEN TRY TO FUCK WITH ME.
*Killer appears with a knife and runs after La Cuca*
La Cuca: *SCREAMS and runs* HELPPPPPPP, LEAVE ME ALONE!! *continues running* MY DAD WILL PUT YOU IN JAIL YOU BROKE FUCKING ASSHOLE, YOU WON’T GET AWAY WITH THIS EVEN IF IT WAS A PRANK, I AM THE DAUGHTER OF A LAWYER AND LEMME TELL YOU, MY DADDY IS A CROOK AND HE WILL FIND YOUR ASS AND SEND IT TO PURGA-*trips and falls*
*Killer stops running and stands, towering over La Cuca’s body*
*La Cuca crawls towards the vending machine, crying, hyperventilating, trying to put her hand inside the hole to grab something to hit the Killer with. The Killer tilts their head in amusement, and lets out a chuckle.*
La Cuca: YOU THINK THIS IS FUNNY YOU ROLLY POLLY TWERP?
*The Killer pulls her by the hair and smashes it by the side of vending machine, La Cuca lets out an audible scream before collapsing. The Killer then puts some money in the Vending machine and takes out some candy and a coke*
*The Killer kneels as La Cuca starts regaining her consciousness, and he starts shoving handfuls of Mentos pieces in her mouth and she swallows them while crying. The Killer then opens the bottle of coke and goes to shove it in her mouth*
La Cuca: NO! NO! NO! NOT REGULAR COKE, I ONLY DRINK DIET! *The Killer tilts their ahead again in amusement, then obliges and puts in a buck to take out a diet coke*
La Cuca: *hyperventilating* you’re going to get so punished for hitting me you better believe it you pussy *takes a huge sip of the diet coke and starts to feel eruptions coming out of her stomach. La Cuca SCREAMS* WHAT IS HAPPENING TO ME, WHY AM I CUMMING FROM MY MOU- *La Cuca starts foaming at the mouth and throwing up blood and coke, her eyes rolls back and she drops dead*
The Killer: TASTE THE EXPLODING RAINBOW, BITCH!
*Scene ends with La Cuca, lifeless, motionless, with her mouth covered in foam and blood, hung by her bra INSIDE the vending machine whose front glass the Killer broke to put her inside*
Scene 2: In the Cabin
*Donna is seen on the bed, reading a dirty magazine*
*Caia drags Clover into the cabin*
Clover: Ok, but I haven’t actually performed before, and I don’t know what to d- ddddONNNA, WHAT IS THAT?
Donna: Research.
Clover covers her eyes and starts praying to the Holy Ghost.
Clover: Well get rid of it! I can’t lose my eye virginity before I lose my anal virginity!
Donna looks at Clover. “Uh, okay then…”
*Donna throws the magazine out the window. Magazine hits the killer in the head and they grunt*
Caia: What was that? Who’s there?
Killer: NOBODY!
Caia: Oh, OK! (turns to Clover) It was nobody. Donna, are you going to do the pageant tonight? Clover and I are going to start picking up outfits.
Donna: I’d rather die than do that.
Narrator: And the killer liked that.
Caia: Well you can at least be our audience, Clover might have to get used to a silent crowd
*Clover pinches Caia’s tit*
Clover: Shut up!
Caia: Not my itty bitty titty’s!
*Caia pinches Clover back, both girls now use both hands to twist each tit*
Clover moans. “Caia! Stop it! The only person allowed to pinch my tit before marriage is the local Pastor who also happens to be straight and married!”
Donna: GIRLS GIRLS GIRLS! That is NOT the way Campers at Camp Woodcock act! Do it like this.
*Donna proceeds to grab one arm from Caia and Clover and shows them how to pinch her tit*
*Camera fogs up and enters slo-mo, all three girls are suddenly wet*
Sound Cue:
Killer: They are so talented.
Donna: Seriously…did you just climax over me? It normally takes more than that to make me wet.
*Donna let’s go of the girls and sighs*
Donna: And where has this fog come from? This is certainly not the fumes I’m used to...
*Donna and the girls fumble around in the smoke, coughing and spluttering*
Donna: I haven’t gagged so much since Coach John me extra large credit in Gym class back in 12th grade.
Clover: My Priest is also named John and also is a Gym Teacher. Small world!
*Donna blindly flails her limbs before putting her hand on the doorknob of the closet*
Donna: Ah…great at least I can get out of these moist clothes…
*Donna slowly begins to open the closet door*
Caia: Wait….Donna! Don’t look inside the closet! That is trashy horror movie tip number 1!
Narrator: But Donna did indeed look inside the closet….
Donna: Screams GEEZUZ FUCKING CHRIST ON A CRACKER AND ROLLER WHEELS!
Clover: What? What is it???
Donna: Ew! *holds up a tatty white and gold prom dress*…for real? I have to wear a prom night dress from 2008? I’m not doing it, this dress nearly ruined Brittany Snow’s career.
*Shawn Mendes walks out*
Shawn Mendes: That’s mine, bitch. *He steals the dress and prances off*
Caia: Happy coming out of the closet! …oh Donna….here, use my dress to at least use the waft away the smoke…
*Donna wafts the smoke with the dress, the smoke begins to clear, Caia is only in a discounted bra and panties*
Donna: There, much better! Now…let’s put this ugly ass dress back in the closet where it belongs.
*Donna turns and screams. The killer was standing in the closet*
Donna: AHHHHHHHHHHHHHhhhhhhhhh…wait…were you just fucking Shawn Mendes in MY closet?
Killer: Uh….
Donna: Wtf why?
Killer: I’m still figuring out my sexuality! Can you go back to screaming now?
Donna: One sec *coughs loudly and takes sip of water*my throat was parched…now where was I? Oh yeah…..AHHHHHHHHHHH!!!!
Caia and Clover: Donna RUNNNNNN!!!!
*All three girls bolt out of the door but something is thrown around Donna’s neck. Donna reaches out for help. Caia runs back to help, takes her dress back, then runs away again*
Killer: Yes! Your tucking panties. DIDN'T YOU THINK THIS WHOLE SITUATION SMELT FISHY? Now gag bitch!
Donna is slowly choked to death, partly by the panties being tied around her neck and partly by the stench of her taint
Donna: This how I’m supposed to die…I’m supposed to gag…but…..not…….like…………this
Donna’s lifeless body is dropped to the floor before being dragged back into the cabin…. In the woods….
Scene 3: The Kitchen/Stage
*Caia and Clover run into the kitchen that is slowly being converted to the stage area for the pageant*
Lunch Lady Lid-e-a: GOOD AFTERNOON CAMPERS!!! Who's Ready for some Lunch?????
*Caia and Clover try to hide under a table which gets immediately picked up and moved away to make way for the stage*
LLL-A: Now c’mon ladies, don’t be shy, today it's a Bacon and Ham Samwich. Delicious. And some Toast! Orders up.
Caia: Oh I’m vegan, do you have any white meat options?
LLL-A: Well I think we got Mac…
Clover: I’m lactose intolerant. Got anything else that won’t leave me gassy?
LLL-A: Im sorry my dear but we finished all that girthy stuff yesterday and we won't get more till next week. Go sit down and just try it.
Narrator: The killer hides behind a window and overhears the three talking. He has an idea.
LLL-A: I’ll be right back with your food, I’m gonna need to start on dinner before the pageant starts.
Narrator: The Lunch Lady walks back to the kitchen
LLL-A: phew some Peace and quiet (lights a cig and untucks her tuck)
(puts out cig in the chili shes been cooking)
LLL-A: humming while chopping and putting food into the pot
*LOUD THUMP*
LLL-A: turns around to see her radio on the ground
Narrator: LLL-A goes to pick up radio
*Thomp*
LLL-A: *holding the back of her head* Ow wtf.
Narrator: The Lunch Lady sees the killer standing there with the cutting board
*Kn*: I. want. The MAC!
LLL-A: Well sweetie, he’s single, just go to New Zealand and I’m sure he’ll just adore y-
*Thomp* Killer Smacks LLL-A again with the cutting board.
LLL-A falls to the ground.
Killer walks over to a knocked LLL-A and starts to drag her towards the oven.
Killer turns the oven on and shoves LLL-A’s Limp Body Into the oven.
Killer Pushes a table infront of the oven door and blocks oven from opening
Killer picks up and turns on the radio.
Camera Angel turns to inside the oven as LLL-A: Wakes up and burns alive.
Narrator: The killer walks out disguised as the lunch lady and tries to deliver the Mac and remnants of cooked Lunch Lady to them, with a knife under the apron. But they already left the cafeteria. The killer sighs and takes a bite out of the Mac. The killer’s tummy rumbles and they pass gas.
Killer: Fuck.
SCENE 4: THE PAGEANT
Narrator: Many other campers are all dressed up and ready to perform. Caia and Clover run inside the dressing room.
Clover: WHAT ARE WE GONNA DO, WHAT ARE WE GONNA DO?!
Caia: I DON’T KNOW YOU STILL HAVEN’T CHOSEN A TALENT!
Narrator: Clover slaps Caia across the face
Clover: NO YOU DUMB BITCH, what are we gonna do about these murders!
Caia: SHHHHHHH don’t talk about burgers, I haven’t eaten all day
Clover: FUCK THE CONTESTANTS. FUCK THIS CAMP. FUCK THE BEAUTY PAGEANT!
*Sandra Bullock rolls out of a closet*
*Killer shows up behind Sandra and cuts her into a million pieces
Soundtrack cue:
*All the campers start to scream and run on stage to escape the Killer’s wrath*
*Audience is confused and thinks the show is starting, so they clap*
Clover: WHY ARE YOU DOING THIS TO US????
Caia: I have.. I mean WE have so much to live for! What do you want, money?
Clover: We don’t have money.
Caia: Drugs?
Clover: We don’t have that either
Sandra Bullock severed head: I have drugs!
*Killer stomps on her head, and it splits like a watermelon. Caia has an idea*
Caia: What if I tap dance for you??? You like?!
Clover: We don’t have talent, Caia
Caia: STOP SAYING WE, I’M TALKING ABOUT ME! WATCH ME TAP DIS ASS
*Caia pushes past Sandra Bullock’s severed carcass and runs on stage, with a limb stuck to her stiletto, and tap dances*
Clover: Caia I’m so sorry, it should have been me!
Caia: *going cold* yes. The black one is always supposed to die first.
Clover: Are you for rea-
Caia: Shhh, this is my moment. Listen, Clover. Cum closer. You must mark my last words, ok? You can do this! You’re a survivor. You’re not gon give up. You’re not gon stop. You’re gon work harder.
Narrator: Clover looks at Caia's dead body and then back at the audience. She stands up, picks the bloody crown off the floor, and puts it on her head. The audience goes fucking mental.
Clover shouts while tears stream down her face. "Oh my gosh, this is it. This is my moment!" She waves while holding a bloody bouquet of roses.
Suddenly, the killer shoots an arrow at Clover's head, missing it by inches! She screams and jumps into the crowd in an attempt to escape, but they just think she's trying to crowdsurf.
As she turns around, she sees the killer has also started crowd surfing and is getting closer and closer to her.
Clover: "Eek! Put me down! Put me down!"
The audience doesn't hear her and they push her closer and closer to the killer.
Clover starts kicking and fighting. "Put me the FUCK down!"
She finally manages to kick her way to the ground. She gets up and fixes her crown, only to see the killer moving through the crowd towards her!
She starts running, pushing past the crazed audience members as she turns around to see the killer gaining on her.
The killer grabs her arm, but Clover screams and grabs a glass bottle from somebody's hand, smashing it into the killer's head. He falls to the floor but before Clover can run away he grabs her leg and pulls her down to the ground.
Clover: Stop it! Please! I've never been touched like that before!
She kicks the killer in the face with her stiletto heel and that distracts him enough for her to get away.
Finally, she makes it out of the crowd and runs into the deserted woods by the camp because that's what sane people do.
After a while, she turns around and sees no one behind her.
Clover: "That was like, so scary! Now that I've escaped, I can finally lose my virginity to this Ron Jeremy dildo I ordered by mail!"
She takes out the dildo and turns around to walk away but the killer appears behind her with a tree branch!
Clover: Eek! Stay away!
She tosses her Ron Jeremy dildo at the killer and it slaps him across his face, knocking the mask off to reveal... LA CUCA!
La Cuca: Wig. Ok. You did that. YES IT TWAS I, LA CHUPA, THAT MURDERED YOU ALL!
Clover: "W-what? Didn’t you die like 5 pages ago???"
La Cuca laughs maniacally as she picks the dildo up off the ground.
“That's why you always check for a pulse first, bitch! I faked my own death!"
Clover: "B-But.... why?"
La Cuca: Because, I’m a jealous bitch. And there’s too much talent on this campus, and I wish to be crowned as the 7th Miss Drumstick! It’s been my lifelong dream to receive Woodcock!
Clover: You think I’m talented?
La Cuca: No, not you, that’s why you’re not dead yet.
Clover: So you’re not gonna kill me?
La Cuca: False. But my accomplice SHALL!
*A 2nd killer emerges*
Please welcome my accomplice, the person who helped me fake my own death, and *kisses the 2nd killer* my boy friend!
Clover: Boy-friend? She’s a … girl.
La Cuca: *giggles* you dumb bitch, do you not recognize who that is? My boyfriend is MADDY MORPHOSIS!
Clover: But I-...
La Cuca: Do I have to spell it out for you? Maddy is a sickening drag queen at night *takes off Maddy’s wig and wipes make-up* and a straight boy during the day! The first and so far only heterosexual drag queen in the world!
Maddy: Hell yeah! Go Pride Month woof woof woof, LBTQG- ally4life!
La Cuca: Shut up sweetheart you’re not helping. ANYWAYS, enough chit-chat, time to chop chop!
Clover cries and begs La Cuca not to kill her.
Clover: Please! I can give you anything! I'll even let you take my virginity!
La Cuca: I've got an even better idea, bitch.
*She peels down the foreskin to reveal a knife embedded in the dildo, before throwing it straight at Clover!*
*Clover screams as the dildo flies into her mouth and impales her against a tree.*
Narrator: La Cuca hugs and kisses Maddy, steals the Woodcock crown, and the two drive off into the sunset…… until the car explodes.
Caia is seen holding the detonator and clenching her chest
Caia: It ain’t over till the fat lady sings… Clover? Take it away
…..
Tamar Indo week 1
Runway: https://imgur.com/gallery/USOXFrE
Tonight I am serving you Catrina the house down! This bodysuit is tighttttt to my body and I’m feeling fierce! I also love the representation to my heritage
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