tl;dr : Genuinely kind-hearted people are usually the conservative bigots and do not know the finer details of sexuality. But with time, and a bit of effort, we can change their hearts about us. #LoveWins
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Don't get me wrong, I don't mean it as a bad thing. Don't go ahead and start judging every kind person and calling them bigots. But because most kind and charitable people associate themselves in some principle, value or religion that blocks any belief that says otherwise.
Take example, my grandmother. Super-religious, highly conservative but very generous and charitable. Everyone in my town knows her as the person to go to if you are struggling in terms of food and shelter. This is adamant especially during calamity season in the Philippines. She's going to openly accept anyone who needs help. Sometimes it gets us to trouble and theft, but most of the times, we are happy to indulge in her charitable options (note: we all live near one another)
So, when I came out as bi, my biggest shock was my grandmother's 'treatment'. God bless her soul, but she did not understand the concept. I guess, her belief is so strong it forced her to "not know" and ignore the finer details of sexuality. Anyways, it was rough. My grandmother was not talking to me. My once happy-nana became judgmental through my eyes.
That was the start. Slowly, I keep coming visiting her house helping out in her events and what-nots. Days turn into weeks then into months and the treatment never change. It was heavy for me.
But on one particular day, we were alone in the kitchen. She opened the awkwardness by asking,
Grandma: "So, you have always been like that?"
Me: Yeah, pretty much.
G: I guess, it figures. You were so quirky back then.
Me: Hmmm?
G: You don't remember do you? You can play with the neighbourhood boys, climbing trees, breaking you jaws. All that nonsense. But then you can also play with the neighbourhood girls. Your grandfather and I even discussed with your parents that I saw you peeing sitting down with a female friend when both of you were four.
Me: Oh I remember that. I was told that boys don't sit.
G: Yeah, we thought you were just too friendly and can adapt yourself to anyone. That's why you act different around different people. We thought you are just that sociable.
Me: Yeah... (awkward)
G: Then I realize, you are more of an open spirit. Not only through friends, but through your partners...
So we talked about when I realized. I said, as early as 13, I was having girl and boy crushes. I talked about my neighbours cousin who visited my neigbhour when I was 15 over the summer. He was 18 I told my grandmother that when I solidified my feelings. She remembered of course and even recalled that she notices that I worship the very ground that young manwalks on during that summer. I told her, I was not worshipping and following his footsteps. I was completely enamored by my first boy-love (not crushes anymore).
We continued discussing things.
I forgot the rest because it was a one hour talk... but she ended... with
"You coming out was the best thing that happened to our family. You showed me, your grandfather, your aunts and your uncles, that it does not change you who you are as a person. It only changes the gender of who you love."
That's when I cried. ...
Over the past few weeks, my grandmother is back to normal asking who I am dating and I told her, he'll be happy to meet you. I actually asked her, why it took her so many months to get around it...
she only said, "I was studying you whether you change just because you came out. Like you know, those stereotypes. Admit, I didn't like the idea at first. But then, I realized, it still the same you. The same 'apo' (grandchild) that I have."
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P.S. This does not apply to rude douche bags okay.. I really can't handle phobia.. of rude people. It becomes physical when I try to reach out. So i am struggling.
