On this day, a couple hundred years ago (cause he's old), a child was born. That child came into this world, opened his eyes, and muttered the words "I'm str8 btw". The world was forever changed. He would go on to make the day of men, women, and children. He's the ideal human. Women want him, men want to be him. His name, is Malachite05. Happy Birthday to one of my closest friends on this site!
Here's some of the things that people had to say about this special day for you!
LovelyKiss:
hey mala ur super sexy and super nice i hope one day you decide ur not str8 so we can raise a family
cheritaisdelicious:
Malachite: I always say your full name instead of abbreviating it as Mala, because I really like the way Malachite sounds, it makes me imagine someone badass. Which is not you at all, obviously, but still! I hope you have a very enjoyable quarantine-filled birthday. Do something sexy, like bathe in coffee or eat an entire 7 layer cake by yourself <3. Please post videos of both, especially the cake. Also, please teach me all of your secret wisdom and show me pictures of your cat. Happy birthday, bro, from your favorite ginger temporarily unemployed barista <3
Survivor8:
Happy birthday to the other straight pushup bro! I鈥檓 sure I鈥檒l see ya around on the blogs page, but in the mean time I hope you enjoy your birthday and amke the most out of it even in quarantine.
gabrieltrezza:
OH MY GOD! MY BOYFRIEND IS GETTING OLDER AND I CAN FINALLY CALL YOU DADDY NOW!!! cant wait to have fantastic birthday sex with you and love you for eternity. From your favorite female Gabriel(a). Happy birthday bby <3
MarieEve:
Happy birthday ex husband !
wish you a very nice day and even tho it sucks staying inside for your bday try to have fun and enjoy it the best that u can. xx
DBonee:
Happy Birthday Mala! Thanks for your hard work in keeping Tengaged straight!
SmoothStalker12:
HAPPY BIRTHDAY MALACHITE! To the straightest man I know, I hope you have a wonderful day in quarantine, I'm sure all the ladies of TG will give you an in home surprise. Thank you for all the advice and tips when traveling in Iceland, almost as beautiful as you ;)
Flipflops:
Hey Malabro happy birthday man! If only this corona was a big april fools and we could go out tonight to pick up some chicks and beers!! I hope you have an awesome day partying with us instead of out with your real life bros! Im glad i met you here, i dont think flipflops would have stuck around otherwise! Thanks for being awesome and good fun, Love u dude
nateclove:
Happy birthday mala-poo! Thank you for being straight <3
Kindred7:
malachite05 you are a very difficult person to get in touch with, and an even more difficult person for me to write an opinion about because I'm pretty sure I've told you multiple times what I think of you and it hasn't changed. But I'll repeat myself: you're a p.o.s. And frankly, I'm pretty sure you're gay. Jk April Fool's haha I hope u not gay! Okay so seriously though like you are the only reason I'm still on this horrid site because I need to mail you and talk to you about stuff or my life is meaningless. I'm SO glad you played along with me even when you thought I was a gay boy, and gave me the time of day when I harassed you over mails. And I'm pretty sure I told you this already today but I am SO proud of myself for allowing myself to look like a creep until we became close. You are so insightful and inspiring and like the best story-teller ever. I've said it before but your tales never disappoint and your experiences always leave me in awe (even your wacky ones smh). Despite being succinct and not rambly and tangential like I am, you also have this unwavering patience with me so thank you for that!
Aside from that, everyone could learn a lot from you - for one, you have an incredible ability to stay focused and maintain a great work-life balance, and as much as I always want to talk to you, I'm always happy when you don't respond to me because I know you're becoming better, stronger, faster which I love! Also the way you carry yourself and deal with conflict is something I've always admired about you - you somehow handle crazy people really well, it's a gift really! You make the people around you laugh, and despite your odd jokes and blogs, you emanate a warmth that makes your friends feel comfortable around you and respect you more than you can appreciate. I always know I can come to you to talk about things I don't think a lot of people can understand, and you are always empathetic and have the perfect responses / advice. You are one of the kindest and most caring people I've met on this site, to the point that it frustrates me sometimes how nice you can be! Don't let yourself be taken for granite because you da schist!
Anyway, as I said, you're honestly so difficult for me to write about because you're one of a kind and whatever I've said thus far does not make a dent in how highly I regard you. Just like.. Idk google 'positive adjectives' or something, and send me a word and I'll write a paragraph on each one and say how you exhibit that trait. Okay I'm pretty sure I've won #smallchild99's "longest opinion for malachite05 on his birthday" contest so I will take my prize now @smallchild - I think I was promised a malachite05, so I think you're stuck with me mala (I mean you already were since I'm your wife but like now you're doubly stuck... like uhh idk think of me as tar and yourself as...... someone stuck in it! #maladred7#kindchite05). Anyway I know your birthday won't be as wonderful as you are but I hope it's great, and thank you for being in all our lives mala! Happy birthday < 3
P.S. if this wasn't long enough, I realized I didn't say you're not a p.o.s. so I will say that means 'piece of sexxxi' or 'papacita of sexxxii' or something great! The beauty of it is you can substitute any words into that abbreviation and claim I said that to you! This is my gift to you, my wonderful husband. You're welcome, and happy birthday again!
P.P.S I also think it's kinda cool we share the same birthday haha - clearly we're soulmates!
hwest14:
Happy birthday!! A friend of kindred is a friend of mine so I hope you have a fantastic birthday 馃榿
turkeylover:
Mala, I don't talk to you a lot but when we're in the same game, I know it's going to be a good game! You're very funny and iconic! You deserve the world! Happy Birthday!
I'm sure that there is likely more out there! But I was super last minute in making this (somewhere around midnight today), so I didn't give people ample time for this!
Also I'm sorry if I missed any of your homies on this site! I tried!
Happy Birthday! I hope it's a good one!
And here's another!!!
systrix:
step dad happy happy birthday!! sorry for the late message.. pls takecare my sister kindred and ofc yourself <333333 again happy happy birthday :* godbless
Comments
The number of woman on this doesn鈥檛 reflect his sexuality, I am confused I thought he was straight
