1. Jessica - an absolute MORN star. I actually shed tears when she mothered this vote and survived. We need more of her #lectures
2. Caroline - they thought they could #CarryCaro but she said #FuckOff . We love a midwife and her iconic smirk at tribal council gave me very Dr. Alison vibes.
3. Kelli - the editors knew she was the star of the Rebs tribe and said nobody else needed content, and they were correct
4. Valeria - Of course we are here for #TeamV and she gets the higher ranking because of her fierce cyan coat moment.
5. Viola - see above, this is also obviously a star, the editors giving her that first cf was portentious
6. Aileen - She may have been UTRA ( #UnderTheRadarAsian ) today but I have my eye on her. I loved when she flopped making fire and her non-Australian accent slipped out.
7. Kitty - I was really here for how I had no idea who she was or what her name was but she kept popping up in shots next to Caro giving a lot of intensity in the face. Then they subtitled something she said for no reason and I was like this is kitty kitty purr boots down sister.
8. Winna - he can get the #BestMan award for the premiere, I was here for his UTRA alliance with Jaden and the scene where Jessica looked on stankly as he spoke Thai. That's a winna
9. Nathan - I feel like he's gonna end up being obnoxious but I actually thought he was kinda camp and funny.
10. Frankie - I loved this CPN stank queen until it became a her or Jess thing, then it had to be her I'm sorry. When I first saw her she gave me shades of Borelle from a few seasons back and so when Jessica said we have to get rid of the strong girls, it resonated with me strongly.
11. Jaden - I'm just gonna close out that minority alliance that got blindsided here because Jaden also seemed fun, I loved when he didn't know who Jess was
12. Peta - Wraps my leg around my man like Peta
13. Alex - probably just gonna be hot and boring but hasn't done anything wrong yet.
14. Sarah - I liked how she looks a bit like fat Ashley from HHH but like, less fat
15. Raymond - wasn't his name Veidt when the cast was leaked? I'm curious
16. Feras - I can sense the annoying gamebot emnating from his essence but I guess he's a George stan and I can't disagree with that. George is an inspiration to me as a Muslim woman too
17. Rianna - but you can call her RiRi
18. Kirby - she can go here because that's still a woman I guess but she also gives a bit of Borelle energy. #WorstWoman ??
19/20 . Tobias and Scott. Honestly don't remember who either of them are sorry. Apparently everyone got a CF today??? So good for them but I don't remember these.
21. Eden - we're getting into bad territory now, he seems really crusty and tryhard but I fuck with him a LITTLE for being the first one to say Save Jess
22. Mark - ugly and bald, will get annoying quickly as well
23. Charles - you can tell this is gonna be an awful gamebot in like .3 episodes
24. Garrick - ACAB, he really said he profiles for a living
And that's just my truth. Honestly this was a really good premiere and I'll be back tomorrow.
1. Jessica - an absolute MORN star. I actually shed tears when she mothered this vote and survived. We need more of her #lectures