I haven't updated in awhile. I decided I'm going to start making some of my entries public, and just leave out names. Because honestly, anyone who reads this, knows who they are. No one else needs to know. Lately, I've started to realize there are so many hypocrites/liars inthis world. I would be a "hypocrite" to say I hate/despise liars, because of course I've lied before. Everyone lies. But then there are those people who constantly lie. Non-stop. Sometimes they don't even realize they do it. I've decided to cut out every one of those people from my life. I am done with 'toxic friends.' I am also done with people who call me a "slut" or "fake" when they are just the same way. I know I've been promiscuous. I can admit when I'm wrong, when I'm sorry, when I shouldn't have done something. But I will NEVER apologize for my response to this person. You are going out with my first love. I don't care if you were with him for two months. Your relationship back then was nothing like ours was at the time it was going on. You may be different now, but honestly, respect that line. I went into her account and found several emails of her talking about me negatively the past months - trying to humiliate me to my ex boyfriend. You are the one who cheated on him first thing into your relationship this summer. I don't care how many times you deny it. I am not fake. I tell people straight up how I feel, unless how I feel is something that will boil over and would just cause a pointless fight. But you give yourself too much credit. Sometimes I think it is to hide your insecurities. I tried so hard to be your friend but you kept going behind my back. Now you want to be childish and be hysterical and make your friends feel bad for being my friend. The only reason why they are my friends is because of you. Step into someone else's shoes for a moment. Think about how it feels for me to see you with someone I've had ongoing feelings with all year, but I didn't want to be with them because I have something they didnt want to begin with and it would have hurt that much more being together for a year and leaving, then only a couple of months. I have learned not being with him and missing out was/is just as worse as it would have been in a month when I leave. As for him. I don't have anything negative to say except it's stupid that he would just take sides and let it be like this. I know she's your girlfriend now, but she's not perfect, and neither I am. But you once cared about me, you even told me in early June you still did.. So don't sit here and act like you hate me, because I have given you no reason to. I wish I could say I am happy for the two of you but I'm not and probably never will be. It's okay though. I'll find someone new, as you have. I thought I found someone new, but maybe I was wrong. Oh well. Parenting will bring a new start for me. Eye openers & awesome new relationships. Friendship and maybe I'll fall in love. Who knows. I've been hanging out with certain people here. This might sound stupid to a lot of people but being around the ocean is like a comfort zone for me. I like sitting & staring at it and thinking about everything going on in my life. This summer I lost friends, and I made incredible new ones. I turned 21 on September 18th. It's weird to be considered an adult in this world, yet still feel a lot like a child. I guess this is growing up.
Another thing I wish certain people would learn:
People are going to do shit you don't like in this world. Don't throw HISSY FITS. IT IS Tough shit. Learn to deal with it. I know I am. Cuz' that's life. It revolves around everyone, not just yourself. No matter how much you wish it would.
