unknowingly, was "I love you." because I have been in the habit of telling everyone I love them because I never know when something might happen. I gave him a kiss on the cheek, and said "love you daddy" after he brought me breakfast and asked if I needed money, as always, and even if I said no he'd always give it to me just to make sure.
My dad also came to me twice in my dreams and I dont give a fuck what anyone wants to say about it, I know it was real.
My daddies death was surrounded by vile and disgusting creatures that I don't even consider people. People who took everything my dad fucking had as soon as he passed, and refused to give me anything, and then tried to get me arrested, leading to a 6 month legal battle. Disgusting and vile creatures who don't deserve my breath.
It kills me that I was asleep when he died, and that he may have laid there, at these peoples' house, for hours in pain or slowly dying all by himself. People who took your fucking wallet out of his fuckingn pocket after he died so they could take the money. I can't fucking deal with that pain, even now.
I have said a lot about how sometimmes "Im not me" when I get pushed to the limit, like that roommate punching me. But there is NO greater rage than if I ever see either of these two witches in public. The absolute rage and disgust are something I dont think I could contain in person. I want revenge and that's not something that is typical of me. I would literally quite "flash" before I realized what I was doing if I saw them in person coming at me.
My dad didn't want me to be sad about mom anymore, he wanted the best for me, he supported me through college when he really didn't have too after mom died, after my biological mother kicked me out of her home. So this is the only time i'm taking to have a good cry before I try to do what he wants and go about my day and my life without him.
I am literally just like you. I've realized so many traits or habits I have come directly from you. To notice that is crazy to me, still. Happy 74th birthday, daddy, I love you more than anything in this universe.
