It’s officially October 11th, and now I can say I’ve been alive for 20 years…
Technically I’m not 20 until 4:34 AM since that was the time I was born, but today is in-fact my birthday.
I don’t know what to make of this… I wanna celebrate my life entering a new decade, but at the same time it’s scary. I’m getting older but I really don’t feel like I’m getting older physically or mentally. And I know that before I know it, I will start aging in those areas.
The 20 years that I’ve existed, from my perspective, have felt like an eternity. I’ve learned so much about life from so many sources… my parents, my schools, my friends (technically they were just the people I sat with at lunch), TV, and even the internet. I feel like the internet partially raised me during my teen years… with google and YouTube, I learned about the lives of others (a vast majority of the time these people were older than me) and things that they were going through in life that I had yet to go through. I know that doesn’t compare to going through these experiences on your own, but I do think that because of this, I am partially prepared for them.
With that being said… I’m scared to actually start being an adult. There’s still so many aspects of adulting that I don’t think I’d be able to handle, such as owning a car… there’s just so many responsibilities there, I don’t know if I could follow them all. That’s why I’m scared of driving.
And on top of that, I’m still going through an identity crisis. I’m still unsure if I’m straight, asexual, or something in between.
There’s so many things about my life that I feel like I need to get sorted out quickly, and every day that goes by feels like a day that I’ve wasted. I feel like I’m running out of time…
…
…
…
…
…
…
…
…
…
…
…
…
…
…
…
…
…
…
…
…
But as I think about all that, I honestly just don’t feel like worrying about it. Because after all… it is my birthday. Not everyone views their birthday as an occasion to be celebrated, but I do! Today is my day. I’m gonna enjoy it.
I like to think that I have a better perspective on life than most 20 year olds… I went through an existential crisis at 17, and I’ve already accepted the fact that some day I will die. I know that there’s no possible way to prevent it, and I’ve ultimately accepted it. I feel like this is something that most people don’t actually realize until they’re 40, so I think I’m ahead on that. And on top of that, I’m still young! So I know that I have my whole life ahead of me, and I know that I need to be enjoying my time on this earth while I’m still here.
I also think most 20 year olds are only thinking about sex… but that isn’t me! Most of the time, I have a clear, innocent mind. I feel like I still have the mind of a 14 year old… but in all honesty, is that really such a bad thing?
Overall, I’m going to enjoy my day. I’m going to spend it doing things I love: Watching TV, playing video games and eating my favorite foods. In my mind, that’s definitely the perfect birthday, because I’m spending the day making the most out of life by enjoying it in my own special way.
Here’s to the past 20 years of existence… and here’s hope that the next 20 will be just as long and just as joyful.
