(DISCLAIMER, this may be very long because I apparently love to write and talk so if it is I'll include a TLDR on the bottom)
64 days ago when the game started, I would've never expected to come out as the winner of that shitshow, I flopped at showing up to stuff the first week so I was just like "great, they'll think I'm inactive", but luckily it seemed like I left a good first impression on everyone and somehow I got 0 points in the first impression thing (I was pooping my pants thinking I'd flop)
I recognized quite a few people, most notably BigMamaT who I've known for like 3 years or something now LOL and we were like "let's f2 this shit" right from the start - It was our first game in all the time we have known each other, so I was just like "why not" and that was the start of a crazy ride.
I got paired up with patriciasigmond at the very start, saw it as an easy alliance but didn't want to immediately have that control my game, it wasn't super crucial for secret partners to make it to the end, but I decided that I should take the opportunity and try to work with her, she seemed nice and we clicked in an odd way, so I was like "hey let's do this", I also got along great with koolness234 at the start, him, myself & Patricia somehow ended up in an alliance of 3 in Week 1 and I was okay with that... it didn't really last very long though because Patricia kinda started going crazy according to everyone, revealed we were partners to everyone immediately and said stuff like that, so Josh randomly backdoored her last minute and sent her home... rip, so much for that.
This was where I felt bad because I had voted her out, but I did form a relationship with Bix123, she was very lovely, we were both European and we got along great, but apparently I was one of the only people that talked to her so I really wanted to keep her close to me. She kept getting nominated week after week and I was kinda hoping that she would win an HOH or I would, so I could keep her safe for once haha, but then Tina pulled thru and I was kinda trying to convince her to keep Barb safe for that time, because she had no one and deserved a break and Tina pulled thru and kept her safe #yusss
At the time I had really wanted Instagram out, because I knew he was in other pots and we literally didn't talk AT ALL, so the longer he lasted in the game the more scared I got. Tina came to me and told me that she wanted to backdoor him and I was like yaaas, because that meant something I was waiting for was finally about to happen... but then paranoia set in and Tina started to doubt that she had the votes and played it safe, putting up the Twins ( Nightcore / nothingbutrouble), simply because, if Ashley (I'm not even gonna mention her, barf) hadn't quit, they were gonna go home and she considered it to be an easy nominee. Not necessarily something I was super happy with, because I did get along great with David at the time and through the course of the week I got along with Samuel as well, but there really was absolutely nothing I could've done for them.
It was this week that I formed the #ThisIsSoGrindr alliance (named by Allison for god knows what reason LOL) with timpaxton14 & RoboZoe - which I did kinda want to stick with, because I felt like I was getting along great with both Gerard & Tim and we seemed to be sharing the same targets, but they kinda didn't seem super into it, they threw me UTB here and then and Gerard even put me up first in that Luck HOH comp and I was like yikes, but I tried to make it work, due to the fact that I didn't really feel connected to many other people at the time, besides Josh & Tina really and occassionally Joseline and if I ditched them I would have practically no one.
Josh won HOH again, wanted to get rid of Shon, Shon was taken off and Barbara was put up as replacement, another week that I wasn't super happy with, because I was choosing between two allies on the block once again, but it seemed like Barbara was done for, as Gerard had played a more aggressive social game than her and unfortunately she had to go.. rip, I was a bit sad at that tbh. This was also the first time where I openly discussed my concerns about Josh to Tina, because I felt like his nominations were super easy all the time and the people who should be striked against, he did not go after and that was something I considered to be fairly strange.
It was at this time that Tina told me directly that KrisStory was coming for my ass (I had kinda figured that, because I found it to be strange that Kris eliminated me from that HOH comp before Matt, who he told me in convos he was not comfortable with) and it was then, that I decided I needed to strike at him rather than Matt if I won HOH. That comp also helped me kinda get in better with Joseline, because we both saw Kris was being a ball of shade and we were having our laughs about it lolol
During the week, Kaylabby also entered the house. I assumed that whoever the intruder was, I was just going to easily put on the block, due to the fact that we'd have no relationship, but Haylee and I for some really weird reason got along pretty great right away and she gave me good vibes, so she kinda swayed me from the initial thought process.
Finally, after several attempts, I won an HOH and I was able to prove my trust to people. I could keep Tina/Josh (who kept me safe before) off the block, Gerard & Tim to prove my trust, Haylee to keep her close to me and I was able to put the people up who I wanted to go after anyway. I also used this to assure Joseline that she was good with me and despite the fact that she was a target (She had just won like all the vetos and could've went home if she lost any of them) I was not intending to backdoor her at all, which I wasn't, hoping to get a strong competitor on my side. She really didn't do shit wrong to me at the time, so I didn't see a reason to do people's dirty work by getting her out.
The week went very perfectly fine, I won veto, Kris went home, but I was to an extent concerned afterwards, because during his eviction he called me & Tina out for having a f2, which was a fact, and I was scared that it could influence people's future game plans.
baileyboy1 won HOH, I was actually kinda "eh.." about it, but I didn't necessarily expect him to come for me, as he had fought with Matt, Josh just came for him and I assumed that I would be fine with him, but that week took such a 180 like whew.. Haylee told me at the very START of the week that Shon was already considering putting me on the block and I was just like "....dafuq?!", but I didn't think she'd lie to me about that, so I tried to keep my ass off the block for the entire week, I didn't mention to Shon once that I knew he was planning to put me up, but I tried to assure him that he "was good with me" (which truthfully I would've come for his throat regardless of whether he put me up or not, just because of the fact that I KNEW he was considering it) but all my efforts failed, I was put on the block after Josh won veto and took Tina off, BUT... apparently the gods were fucking good as fuck to me, because Tina somehow pulled a secret veto out of her titties and saved my fucking L I F E. I was like thank tha lawdt jesus CHRIST! and this started my fire to literally just try my hardest in competitions, because it didn't quite matter anymore. I was never sure whether or not I would've survived the vote that week, I would've campaigned my ass off to try and stay, but I'm not sure how successful it was gonna be lmao.. so at least I didn't have to worry about that shit anymore.
Knowing Haylee tried really hard to save me that week, I wanted to return the favor and campaigned my ass off for her to stay and I thought I had Gerard/Tim/Tina, but for some stupid reason that went haywire and she went home.. yikes.. another ally of mine down.
That next HOH was like do or fucking die for me and I did it, I got my shit together and won.. again.. when I had to and there really was no way that I was NOT gonna put up and target Shon at the start of the week. I subsequently followed through and put his ass OTB and was like bye bye felicia. Now, obviously everyone expected me to do Shon/Joseline but STILL at the time, Joseline didn't do shit wrong to me so I once again assured her, that despite people wanting/expecting me to nominate her (and I did subtly threw the showmance UTB just so I had something to back it up with, cause I knew she was after Tim anyway.... lel) I wasn't gonna come for her and was hoping we could have a mutual agreement to not go after each other.
Things took a dramatic turn that week. A while before that, I kept receiving information from Tina about Josh and what he'd do etc. and it just sketched me out, because Josh would never tell me that information on his own and it generally made me distrust him slightly, but for the sake of having him as an ally I wanted to keep him around. I started to see something much bigger. Tim was coming after Joseline, Joseline was coming after Tim, they both had their right hand men in Gerard & Shon and I believed Josh sat super pretty with all of them, and looking at his track record in the game it was threatening as fuck.
I believed I could have positioned myself and Tina perfectly well for a few weeks, which could've given us some time to cruise and come closer to the final 2, where we'd be confronted with weaker competitors and could win out to make it to the end.
Tina disagreed heavily. She was pleading to me as if it was her own life on the line and throughout the week, she pissed Gerard/Tim off in the process by her campaigning and I was like "sheesh this is not good", but I did it anyways. I put Josh on the block expecting the showmance to vote Josh out, as well as Shon, who Josh was openly targeting and I ratted every tidbit of detail out to him.
Josh was legit going home three hours before the vote and then Shon stopped responding to my shit and Gerard was like SHON ISN'T DOING IT and I was like what the actual fuck, all hell broke loose and for god knows what reason, Shon decided to keep Josh and my entire plan collapsed into tiny little pieces.
Double Eviction Night, I just sat there throwing a pity party for myself in my mind, knowing my death sentence could be signed literally at any moment, but Joseline winning gave me a slight light of hope, because I was hoping she'd rather take a shot at the showmance, than me who had not nominated her both times I could've. I just got super scared when I was the only person not playing veto (Joseline got HG choice between me & tina and chose her and that freaked me out even more) so I was just like preparing to die, but Queen B came through and kept me safe and the connection I attempted to keep up worked out in my favor. I was eligible for HOH and I was just focusing on keeping myself safe from then.
Tim going was something I expected to happen and most likely would've done myself if you gave it another week or two, so to me it was a lot like "I'm glad it wasn't me" rather than "oh no tim *cries* "
Final 6 - I lost HOH, Josh won, I was going on the block and I felt like this was my week so I decided to go on a gigantic rampage in the Main House Chat, just COMPLETELY laying my cards on the table and telling everyone everything that I had planned to do, why I backdoored Josh etc. and for some reason, that caused Shon to confront me and talk it out - He didn't know that he was in my ideal Final 4 at the time and that's why he had evicted Matt and we actually got along pretty well that week, he revealed a lot of crucial information to me about the vote and how Tina influenced it and it did kinda affect my position in the game with Tina - I was still taking her to the end no question, but I saw the possibility of putting her up with Josh as very very likely, just to ensure he would go home lol...
I was fully set on keeping Shon that week, we got along and I saw potential, but he revealed a crucial piece of info to me which was Tina leaking the cheat sheet and him, Josh, Joseline all having access to it. My brain started to go into heavy think mode, it was a matter of "Shon has the exact same information that I do for these comps" and just like that, three hours before the vote I decided I am going to flip back and evict him.
I proceeded to flop the endurance challenge (which I thought I was going to lose after the first reposition because the pain was REAL, but there was NO WAY in my mind that I was gonna drop in this challenge) due to a tiebreaker question and I was upset as fuck with myself, disappointed and just sure I was going to go up again, yada yada... I ended up winning veto again, my second in a row and I was extremely happy, because I wasn't sure what my status was, if I had lost.
That was the case for the entire endgame pretty much, just winning out. Losing HOH at Final 4 was another disappointment, but the veto victory was even greater. Now, I knew I was evicting Josh the entire time before I won veto, after I won veto, despite Tina trying to convince me not to. I knew that due to my f2 with Tina, whoever I was going to save I was giving 3rd to and to me it was a matter of A) Who do I have a higher chance to beat in an instinct-based competition and B) Who would I be happy with losing to, if I didn't make it to the end.
Josh had pretty much the same answers as I did in the WHAT THE BLEEP challenge, which WAS instinctive and due to the fact that he removed me as a contact after I put him up, I would've never wanted to see him win out of sheer pettiness. For those reasons, because I would've been more pleased with Joseline being the possible winner rather than Josh if I lost final HOH as well as hoping I'd beat her in the instinctive part 3, I evicted Josh.
Final HOH came, I flopped Part 1 hard as fuck.. I think I didn't have the willpower that I had in the actual HOH competition that I needed to win, I wanted Tina to win Part 1 somehow, so I could make part 2 and we would 100% be the final 2, but I flopped, she fell and Joseline won Part 1. I won Part 2 and it all came down to the final questions, which I somehow won, getting all of the questions right lmao. So then I evicted Joseline and I felt extremely awful, I was just like ranting before I had to do my vote because she really worked her ass off and deserved to make it to the end, but I generally honor my F2 deals with people and wasn't going to go against that - I was still playing a game that I was trying to win after all and this would've lost me any creditability as a player.
Now, I felt that Tina & I had a very fair shot at winning, she had arguments, I had arguments, I pissed people off and she didn't, but she didn't play aggressively, which I did. Seemed pretty even to me, but I ended up coming out victorious, which at the start I never could've imagined... yay victory!
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TLDR:
I never expected to do as well as I did coming into the game, I met some amazing people, that I will keep as friends, made some new.. foes I guess? and I can come out of this experience completely pleased with how I did, impressed with myself for keeping up the fight and proud for being able to say "I am a Winner!"
Thank you so much again Allison, karim and everyone else on production ( DJ4460SurvivorRocksAllieBoBallie), it was an amazing game to play and I recommend everyone to try out and apply, if there is a season two (I hope there is).
Thank you so much for the experience as a whole, for the people I met, whether I like them or not now, because every chapter in life and every person you meet represents a lesson and I will think back to this game in specific parts in life, whether it's because of the way I met someone or for something I did myself and look at it in a way of "How did this affect the way I think about this now" (It's ridiculous but a game can actually mean THIS much haha).
Anyway, now that I am done with my cheesy novel, I would also like to thank everyone who supported me and cheered me on during the game, whether I got last place in Tengaged's Jury Vote or not LOL, you're all awesome and I'll remember that.
Honestly you were my pick to win from the start I'm so glad you won this game dude and I hope sometime in the future we can talk because you're someone I want to be friends with XD
