I was raised in a strict household. Conservative. Christian. Son of a preacher. I was taught from an early age to go to college, marry a good woman, and raise a family in church. I still loved them, even when I started realizing something was “wrong” with me.
Now here I sit crying because I can’t tell them. I cant tell them that I’m finally happy. I cant hug them and smile and tell them about my day. I cant be open and honest with them about my life.
I miss family. I miss home. I miss hugging my mother and talking about the books I’ve read. I miss listening to my grandmother sing hymns on the porch. I miss the peace that comes with that childhood. The feeling that everything will be okay in the end, it’s all in Gods hands.
I will never forget the day I realized. That the people I loved and cared for the most in this world loved a lie more than they loved me. That they loved this imaginary perfect son more than the flesh and blood in front of them.
Why is it I can love people unconditionally, even when they disagree with me. But the people I love most in this world will never treat me the same if I tell them?
I want to tell them. I want to tell them I’m happy, that I’m free, that I am finally accepting who I am. But its a lie. How can I honestly say I have accepted myself? I hate being this way. I hate being bisexual. I wish with all of my heart I could be straight. I wish i weren’t a disappointment.
Sorry. My head is loud tonight. I’m sorry.
I think I need help.
Comments
People can be selfish that includes your own family you gotta live your own life and create your own "family" you should not need your family's support they should be supporting you regardless of circumstances being a Christian isnt a excuse to be hateful my grandmas church just made it so they're able to do gay weddings and shes always arguing with her church friends about how her grandsons gay and theirs nothing sinful about it. I know its hard but sometimes you gotta just stop having a relationship with people who put you down
