So, I read this in The Daily Grind. And it made me laugh, so I thought I would post it haha.
Don't eat rocks.
Don't eat dirt.
Don't lick dry ice.
Don't take naps in the road.
Don't stoke fires with your fingers.
Don't throw a brick straight up.
Walk around toxic waste dumps, not through them.
If you need to get somewhere, and a freight train heading in the direction you're traveling just happens to be nearby, resist the urge to stand in front of it and grab hold as it passes.
Don't flip off the Mafia.
If you're riding a bicycle down a hill, turn your head before you spit.
Wash behind your ears, not behind your eyes.
Light birthday cake candles from back to front.
Don't shave with a lawn mower.
Although they are sold in grocery stores, batteries are not food. Do not break them open and drink what's inside.
The warning "Don't try this at home" really means "Don't try this at all".
Don't iron clothes while wearing them.
Always keep one foot on the floor when taking off your socks.
Don't escape into jail.
Don't wash floors with cough syrup.
Don't kick porcupines with bare feet.
Don't lie down in a cattle pen.
Forks need to carry food no further than your mouth.
Don't test the strength of your skull with a nail gun.
Only squeeze the handle end of the sword.
Always wear clothes while walking through your neighbourhood.
Don't snap towels at passing cops.
Don't throw an angry cat straight up.
Your body has the correct number of holes in it. Don't make any more.
Don't chase a bear into the woods to get a close-up photo.
Don't listen to music from the Spice Girls.
Rake leaves, not people.
Shovels are for digging holes in the ground, not the floor of your house.
Don't tie yourself to an airplane propeller.
No matter how tempting it is to be one with nature, stay on the outside of all fences at the zoo.
When sticking thumb tacks into bulletin boards, press on the flat end.
Toasters should be used to cook bread, not your hands.
Do not put your head in the over to see if it is on.
If you have ever done any of the above, under no circumstances should you ever reproduce.
