welcome back to a totally real and totally not three days behind schedule episode of absolita's barista contest. this week, instead of there being drama between the contestants, there was drama between the judges! ribbons left the judging panel because... well, all i can say is if i knew i would tell you. i replaced her with another previously eliminated contestant in isandeh because we had to come up with something really quick. that being said, we have now finished judging and your fates will be announced in this blo- i mean results show of absolita's barista contest!!
for judging this week, we all ranked your submissions best to worst and the results were averaged to determine which of you were on top, and which of you were... not on top. one thing i will say is i felt like this week was a bit, well weak. i can't put my finger on it, but i think a lot of these were pretty safe? i'd try and lighten the mood with a joke, but writing puns for every episode gets hard! good thing this is the meta episode so i can just cut to our winner, who is...!
1st - turkeylover - This was honestly a pretty cute idea in my opinion. I think you definitely went for something that worked within the theme, but was both something I wasn't expecting and something I would enjoy. This show does give me like, hives because it is honestly the definition of like low-effort tv for kids like she kind of WAS the blueprint, which is equal parts iconic and dystopian, which we love here on ABC! I could go more into like the marxist take on the Fanboy & Chum Chum universe but I think it might be better to end this critique by returning to the point that you did a wonderful job this week, and congrats on the second win! Here's what the guest judges thought, as well:
Dizzle - a frosty next
Sandy - I do remember this as a child and it gave me very nostalgic memories of this show and how horrid it really was but the drink impressed me for whatever reason and it definitly was a success
2nd - akora - This was another great submission, quite honestly. I think the idea was a pretty solid one just because Spongebob is really a universal girl everyone knows who she is, so you weren't gonna be a missed reference or anything. Where I think other people did take bigger risks with the shows they were referencing, I think you took a risk with the drink itself. I do wonder what a kelp smoothie would taste like... but lowkey the Krusty Krab always got customers so they were probably onto something. It's too bad the FDA was on that ass and she got discontinued :sob:. How'd the guest judges feel about this drink, though?
Dizzle - should have sent diet dr kelp
Sandy - Dizzle sold me on this one I do stan the creativity and the fact it really is fictional because i dont think anyone anytime soon is gonna get a kelp shake
3rd - kinggeek - Hey gal. You were another hot submission on the ballot this week. For me, I think this was a bit basic, but I also just think this was the most exciting drink because of like the magical willy-wonka effect that kind of came with the drink. Would this taste very special? I'm not sure, but you can't go too wrong with this idea, in my opinion. I think this falls in the "rainbow smoothie" category in that I would be more into the experience than I would be into the drink itself, but for this week that kind of put you up there. Let's see what the guest judges said:
Dizzle - orange soda next
Sandy - Personally ashanti ive seen you do really well in this competition week after week great drinks and I think this was one of your more meh ones. Im not saying it was bad by any means but it wasnt a show stopper
4th - weetmaster - Full disclosure, I was more excited about this submission than either of my guest judges this week, but nobody hated it, either. I think although I really liked the cute magical aspects of your drink and found this a fun submission, it did feel a little vague and relied mostly on her look rather than her connection to the Harry Potter series. Also I don't think I have touched a piece of Harry Potter media in like 6 years, so this was like part nostalgic and part like... who the fuck is Heather? Either way this was cool and looked delicious and magical and I liked it. Here's the guest judges critiques:
Dizzle - I didn’t enjoy that you just posted some random bullshit and called it a magic elixer
Sandy - this was an okay take on the challenge and how i do enjoy the reference I feel like you could of made any drink with a like "cauldron" feel and say it was harry potter! there are some classic drinks like the polyjuice potion that would of blown this out of the water (quite literally)
So umm... we've kind of been in a drama rut recently. You guys aren't fighting with each other and we can't really air the stuff about Ribbons leaving the judges panel because her lawyers are already on our ass. We're deciding to do a twist where four of you are in the bottom, mostly because 5th and 6th place tied so it's more fun to do a #DRAMATIC and #OVER-EDITED moment that we can throw in an episode trailer to keep people watching because let's been real my hosting has been SUPER weak the past couple episodes... anyways cheritaisdeliciousdarktyphoon23mastropolammabatlokoamolefe two of you are safe and two of you are in the bottom two...
*dramatic pause*
*cut to commercial*
Just kidding. DarkTyphoon23 and mastropola, you two are safe. These submissions suffered from wildly different problems, and neither of them were really all that bad, but I'm feeling lazy so I will let the guest judges give their thoughts and move on. Don't blame me for you being in the bottom 4 I promise someone else scored you worse :3
Jan's Critiques:
Dizzle: Sorry I’m not drinking something that tastes like poison get better taste
Sandy: i did enjoy this a lot and i do see the appeal in it granted ive never seen the show but i can sure tell it was a funny episode
Sydney's Critiques:
Dizzle: gatorade in a square next
Sandy: late and kinda boring didnt rlly care for the theme which i dont blame you
So the bottom 2 is Mmaba and Cherita. Y'all were not very good this week, no offense. You were both late and the judges did not love what was being done here. Let's get into critiques.
cheritaisdelicious - I think yours was like... honestly kind of just a mess all around? Like I was telling the other two that I really liked what you DID this week, it was a fun idea to make up a drink and attach it to a picture, but that's also why it didn't work- the recipe you gave didn't LOOK like the picture, and there wasn't any additional points of reference, so I couldn't suspend my disbelief. It just looks like a mermaid drowning in some colorful glitter. At least if you get elimmed this is an iconic exit.
Dizzle: girl bye im not drinking your slime and glitter bullshit
Sandy: honestly i do like this a lot but it kinda doesnt make sense at the same time
mmabatlokoamolefe - To me, this was probably the lowest-effort submission. You didn't have a BAD drink, it just felt like you took the idea and ran with it. It wasn't particularly creative or remarkable, and I'm not really a starbucks person either. I go for the holiday drinks like 3 times in December and not really ever any other time, and I don't see no Christmas cup triggering the facebook moms here.
Dizzle: Coffee sucks
Sandy: the humor was there but like idk it was just a starbucks latte
So, which one of you will stay, and which one of you will be taken OUT of next week's script?? The barista being eliminated is...
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cheritaisdelicious. Honestly this was just such a flop of a submission on all fronts even if it was really iconic, so you had to go. One week on the bottom is all it takes at this point, and I still think you did very good overall! You won a challenge and were in the top a bunch of times, so I think you have a lot to be happy about over this game where you post pictures of drinks in my comments and I rate them!!!
Mmaba, go rejoin the others. I'm giving you one mo chance.
next ep soontm
Comments
ummmmmmmmmmm seems very SUSPICIOUS to me and I'm pretty sure I was lowkey RIGGED OUT.
