welcome to the results show for week 2 of absolita's barista contest! this week, our baristas were challenged to make a soda that would free me from the daily struggle that is existence. will your favorite barista bubble up to the top, or will they fizzle out with a whimper? it's all on this episode of... absolita's barista contest!
so, let's get into it! this week had a lot of different submissions, which i was very happy with, but there weren't many that really gave me that wow factor. i'm still working out which ones really stand out to me, but i think it'll become clear to me as i write more.
1st - kinggeek - i mean... this was easily one of the most predictable submissions, but a hit is a hit no matter how many times you play it. i really respected the fact that you took the idea of mcdonalds sprite, but gave your own personal spin on it. the ice looks very appetizing, the glass looks very sleek, the shot is really excellent camera work. i'm also just such a sprite fan... i was hoping people would do like light colored sodas because they just aren't as extra. this was just an excellent submission overall because you didn't go too far with it. the best sodas are simple sodas, and you really nailed it this week. keep it up babes.
2nd - weetmaster - you are really standing out as the upper-class polished drink fixer this season, and i think that's a really good angle to take. you always have really nice-looking presentations and this week that did a lot of favors. this was kind of an "extra" submission, but since the raspberry/rosemary garnish really added to the upper-class posh concept, it worked thematically for me. i think the idea of alcohol with cola makes it a lot more appetizing, at least to me personally. i was conflicted on whether i really counted it as a soda, but i eventually leaned on the side of yes. this is a soda, and i would like to drink it and feel my own net worth increase as i take that sip.
3rd - lovelykiss - even though you were a bit stank during your drink presentation, i feel like you triggered like a neuron in my brain with this picture that just sent like a wave of nostalgia running over me. as a kid i really liked root beer, but now i don't drink it as much anymore, and the idea of a root beer float transports 8 fluid ounces of serotonin directly into my entire being. this was a really good submission you kind of stepped it up this week and i think it was a total accident. we love that
4th - darktyphoon23 - similar to the root beer float above, i think mountain dew baja blast is such a rare experience for me that whenever i do recall drinking one, it triggers nostalgic memories. honestly these have not existed for that long, but i just miss high school sometimes because i like... had a social life? like having friends is such a weird concept now but anyways ummm this drink is good mountain dew has like a very distinct taste to it and i do like it on the rare occasion i think if i drank mountain dew daily i would just get like every form of cancer
5th - mmabatlokoamolefe - mmm, fanta. i like the spanish on the can it feels really festive. um you were late but honestly this submission clicked for me so i am ok with you being late. i don't really have any interesting orange soda takes this was just a really solid submission you played it safe this week and safe was the right choice.
6th - turkeylover - diet coke and mentos was kind of a gimmicky choice, but this shit is fun! when i was a kid i would always beg my dad to buy me some mentos and a 20 ounce bottle of diet coke just so i could do the experiment, and i would always drink like the foamy half-full bottle afterwards and it actually was unironically good it was like coke but mint flavor. also diet coke > coke all the way i was hoping more people would submit diet sodas so bonus points for that. well done this week you improved a lot.
7th - isandeh - DEVINIQUA GANG DR PEPPER
BOTTOM TEXT (mor meme submission of the week. dr pepper ok)
8th - itsaustin - honestly it is kind of funny how many gimmick submissions i feel like there were? like every soda flavor is really a meme nobody actually LIKES it, but it's also not really bad either? it's just a bunch of flavors that layer together in a really mediocre way it just tastes like sugar there's not like a flavor to it outside of that unless you get like an aftertaste of coke or something. anyways this was still a good submission because every soda flavor in one is kind of fun once in a while. it's like tax evasion it's just a bit of harmless fun
9th - cheritaisdelicious - ok this submission was like the least familiar for me i think you kind of pinned me as the wrong demographic, like i don't know anything that existed before 2009. that being said, i do like her look. she's mean, she's green, she's a corporate scheme. i have NO idea what this would taste like but you definitely sold me on it with "extremely caffeinated" it gives me energy drink lite vibes and i love energy drinks.
10th - mastropola - uhm... so not to criticize your submission but to totally do that exact thing, i think you were probably the biggest case of leaning on a gimmick this week, which, quite honestly, wasn't the worst direction (clearly). i think the vibe of "movie theater soda" was an ok idea, and you definitely executed on it, but i feel like you overexplained it. some of the submissions that beat yours gave me a nostalgic vibe, or triggered something for me, and you even did that last week, but i think you tried to give me the image of nostalgia instead of letting me paint my own nostalgic picture. not a bad submission, i don't mind a cola, but the execution was off.
11th - akora - for someone who criticized miss mastro's presentation, you sure tried to capture what he was going for... and in a worse way. i think next week, what i would advise is that you don't focus on what the other baristas are doing. jealousy won't help you in this competition. you need to focus on your presentation being authentically yours. don't try to be someone else. don't try to criticize how other people are presenting their drinks, that's my job. just work on finding a more interesting submission than fucking grape soda
12th - highnoon - i love cream soda but imma need a picture next time b. TAKE ME THERE. I NEED THE VISUAL.
soo... here we are. the bottom 4. Big Tiddy Bizzy, Mathboy9, Christian Underscore, and British Romeo. these were all pretty weak submissions, for various reasons. however, only 2 of you are in the bottom 2.
First one of you safe is... Christian_. I am... suspicious of those sodastream things. I haven't ever tried one before, and I have a mildly autistic tendency to be unwilling to try new things. I think if you have a machine that can make any soda (and just really quick i should add you are still a weirdo for saying i remind you of ICY-HOT? THE BRAND?), I wouldn't really go for a basic cola. Some of the other colas had a good vibe to them, but this one didn't work because you served it using the magic soda machine that can make any soda that gives me like black mirror sodageddon vibes. I guess my advice would be try focusing more on the drink next time. Simple is always better.
Additionally, mathboy9, come get your check. This wasn't as offensive as the other two submissions, but it was a pretty brave move to go for the soda brand in a dystopian nuclear fallout game. I would have recommended like... I don't know, Purple Flurp from the Jimmy Neutron series? That kind of doesn't count but that's where my mind went. This wasn't the alcohol week I don't want this old shit.
*lights dim, spotlights shine on romeo and dizzle*
Bonnie, this was just... not a good submission. I think you are definitely 2/2 on having the funniest submission, but this one was just like... no. Like, the more I thought about it, the more I realized I don't really fuck with a soda that gets discontinued for being too sugary. I feel like this would turn my h*le blue or something weird like that. You went for the comedic route, and unfortunately the funniest drinks are also the most sus.
Romeo, you were late and you did someone else's idea worse. You really shit the bed, honestly. I feel like you will take this more seriously if you stay, but honestly nothing you've presented so far is so impressive that I'm not unironically considering keeping Bonnie because he will submit something that will make me laugh.
So... this isn't an easy decision, but (at least) one of you must leave. I've decided...
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. BritishRomeo17, you're safe. Hopefully since you stole turkeylover's idea of coke and mentos this week, you can steal her idea of doing something worth my time next week.
lmao I know you're like, 12. It was popular in the late 90s and early 00s and I drank it when I was a tween, it was like, the big caffeinated drink before energy drinks were really a thing.
also tea akora is obsessed with mastropola