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#Bellletstalk

1 Chels052_, Jan 28, 2021

It’s Bell let’s talk Day in Canada. I wrote this post about 5 years ago on #bellletstalk day on facebook and have shared it every year since.
Tl;dr: I’ve suffered with anxiety and depression my whole life. Went through a manic episode. I love helping people and being here for people who need it. And think talking about mental health is so important and needs to be understood more. If anybody on here needs to talk or vent about anything, I am always here.
#Bellletstalk ! Now I've never really been shy about my mental illness and how it affects me. I have struggled every day since I can remember with anxiety and depression . Anxiety has caused me to avoid a lot of things and people in my life . I avoid important phone calls, important conversations with peers and managers , doctors, friends etc ... I can't stand being the centre of attention or being put on the spot. My mind races, thoughts race and I normally can't focus or organize my thoughts because the fear is always there. I'm afraid of failure, people talking about me negatively and more. and this led to a lot of depressed thoughts and feelings .
Aren't a lot of these feelings and emotions normal for most people you may ask? Now that's where the stigma lies. I may seem fine . I may seem happy, and i may seem perfectly calm when i make social contact. But the truth is, it takes all my energy to get out of bed , force my thoughts to be positive , force myself to talk to humans without tripping up or not making sense.
Mental health has been an important part of my life since before I can remember. growing up, I always found other people's needs to be more important than my own . I would put my own mental health on the backburner because I knew a lot of people close to me suffering were worse than I was. I didn't know how to help myself, so helping others was the best thing for me. And to this day, helping those who need it would always make me feel like I had a purpose.
A little over a year ago, I was in a bad place in my life and ended up being hospitalized for a manic episode (causing me to possibly be bipolar) Never in my life have I ever felt so happy and like I knew the answer to everything .I believed I was a healer and could help everyone with their issues and solve all of the worlds problems . I broadcast that I knew the meaningof life and had a lot of crazy theories and solutions. Since then, I've been even more confused about my illness than ever since I don't have up and downs, Just a lot of downs. but I still try hard every day to understand it and work hard to control my emotions.
There are so many people suffering in silence for fear of people not understanding them, fear of being seen as weak, or too emotional. Fear of people saying to just 'get over it' or to just think positive or be happy. I think a lot of people just don't want to hear about negative things or things they can't understand. What they don't understand is that there are so many..