[NICOLE GRR]

Wow, what a set, Heidi! I loved it as much as you hate what rhymes with pet snacks. But seriously, you’re kicking this game’s ass, so kudos to you. If only we had the budget for a mechanical bull to take another kick at those teef. Say cheese, girl!

If you didn’t know, my name’s Nicole Grr, I’ve been on stage a total of 3 times this competition and for the most part have proven that black people have to work twice as harder to succeed.. and still, the winner will be ARTPOP’s cocksock Jenna Sais Quoi. Some of you queens might be surprised to see me. Just a few hours ago, I was at my lowest. Fat, nasty, and broke. And that’s when I realized, I too could be Ali Bonico. Look call me what you want, a NicGrr or a Chewaka, but let’s keep it real — Ali boasts gorging on kebabs whilst frequenting the bathhouse but we’re well aware the only 12 piece she can handle is located at Popeyes Spain. And when she’s done calling Annie from the commercials a chimpanzee, she’ll at least have the conscious decision of choosing white or dark meat.

But speaking of NicGrrs and fried chicken, we also have the residential Kool-Aid Killa Ebony Alexis Tamriah Anne… actually, I’ll save myself the trouble of using her government name, she’ll be a hashtag by the end of the episode anyways. And might I add, for a lady who changes her face more times than Future has with baby mothers, you still have yet to master the art of matching your arms and legs! And they said there was a Potato Famine, Mrs. P. Head is right here! Onto more respectable black women, hi Maya! Your artistry and fashion always ceases to amaze me. You’re like.. my girlboss. But GIRL, what you NEED to be BOSSING is Kangaroo Jack in the back right next to you. I mean, Taylor is just SO edgy he makes Jezebel’s jaw seem like a pillow pet. Welcome back by the way, sis! Like that time in Maya’s elevator or thousands of children in America, you got left behind. But you bounced back quick, I’d even say you came faster than Vans when greeted by the essence of another man. No homo though, right?  There’s also Andrew! And as if we were on his commonly visited app, Tinder, I’m gonna be swiping left in hopes of finding someone more interesting.

Well, like Hole with her penis, that’s all I have to offer. I’ve exhausted my minutes up here before they either send me backstage or send me home. Up next, she’s no stranger to a beard, both physically and figuratively, get ready to detonate a YASS grenade or a Boston Bomb for Miss Osama Bin Layla!

send me home

[OSAMA BIN LAYLA]
HI. here's the bitch no one expected to see.......

I wanna start off this roast by telling my story.

When I saw the apps open sign for this competition I was just a humble gal with sweet dreams... and now.... 16 centuries later i'm married, have 5 kids and a frookies career in ostracism.......

FALEI, TÔ LEVE.



NOW TO START OFF WITH MY FELLOW COMPETITORS.

HOLE.
Your drag name really pays homage to what you are... cuz ur tight & full of shit

NIC GR.
Girl... you said its gay af to take a nap, i suppose your track record is jessica danielles then??? cuz girl u been sleeping in this

EATADIC.
I'm really happy your redemption arc is happening and you're finally having a good edit.......... now that every other bitch is quitting

FALEI, TÔ LEVE.


NOW ONTO THE LOVELY JUDGES AND EVERYONE WATCHING THIS HELLHOLE MESS.

Ali Bonico, I think you look lovely tonite.......
Ali Bonico, pienso que estás muy bonita hoy......

For someone who was beaten up by arab
Para alguién que se fue golpeado por arabs

DONAAM GIRL what is that you're wearing? TWINK SKIN???? eat some food wtf?????????? it aint THAT hard

TAYLOR sweetie you know what? you're right. I was just an entire week in a roast last month and it didn't look like this...

MAYA. I love your whole career and your legacy, and what you represent to us... SPECIALLY these weaves
https://imgur.com/GL2h6po

FALEI, TÔ LEVE.
https://i.imgur.com/MGGrplb.gif

AND TO FINISH OFF WITH A LIGHT MOOD... Ofc i'm not gonna skip myself on this huh?

This bitch was doing so good in the competition but literally what happened to her? THIS BITCH HAD TO BE DRAGGED AND BULLIED TO SUBMIT SOMETHING THAT GLOWS.

https://i.imgur.com/lJFEIhG.gif

It shouldn't be THIS HARD since she knows a lot about atomic bombs and kamikaze airplanes???

FALEI, TÔ LEVE.

yas layla go layla

oh wow, the chuckles!

[JEZEBEL]

https://docs.google.com/document/d/1z9EAfKpT-UarCd8raPmsTkWdYnHuphUb7CxJeWzkNbo/edit

editors note: sub the last "nosferatu" with http://i.picasion.com/gl/91/eIJ2.gif

???!?!

[Ebony [...] Carrington]

https://docs.google.com/document/d/1-6FQxdUSzhmAbldhf0OW7osN_6m6GpBejrdDJJsN-vw/edit

obsessed with how the podium changes every time

[JENNA SAIS QUOI]

Wow, everyone give E.A.T.A.D.I.C. a round of applause! She killed that set, just like her ex killed his fiancé. And much like her ex, I wanted to kill myself after it too.

Ali Bonico - the star of the night. Now, I know people are probably going to make fun of your racism, the dead poodle on your head, or the fact that your Instagram has 40,000 "followers" yet your photos only get three likes. However, as the guest of honor, I think you should be celebrated. I recently saw on your blog that you lost your virginity, and I want to say congratulations! I cannot wait to meet the lucky animal.

Speaking of losing things, welcome back Jezebel! Jezebel actually only agreed to come back because when Maya was explaining the challenge, she thought there would be a pot roast. Luckily for her, with seven girls gone there's finally enough room for her in the workroom! No, but really, I'm glad the judges brought back someone so vivacious, who went home in the same placement as Vivacious.

Luckily for Ali Bonico, there's no chewakas here tonight - unless you count Osama Bin Layla and her facial hair. Layla, I am begging you to shave it or at least stop putting in beard oil. Your beard is so oily that the United States is planning to invade it - and they haven't even heard your name yet. Don't be discouraged, I can hear the fans yelling "Come to Brazil!" Although, for us that means they want us to tour there and for you it means they want you to go home already.

Nicole.. I shouldn't say anything bad about Nicole. I was taught not to speak ill of the dead and she's DOA in this competition. The only worse chart performance I can think of is her favs LOONA on MelOn.

Hole, I'm glad you think of yourself a vers top considering how many bottom placements you've had throughout this franchise. Given that this season will be your sixth time losing this competition, maybe it's time for a career change? Have you ever considered bowling?



And finally, Turquoise Heidi. You've done amazing in this competition and I really look up to you - mostly because I'm 5'2. It seems like you're losing a bit of steam now, perhaps a name change to Pink Lola soon? Just kidding, you're so talented and I can tell you're going places - even if those places are the airport and your house.
Thanks everyone, have a great night! And remember, this was all in good fun and I meant everything I said.

what the fuck does tennis have to do with my avatar?

Well! Wasn't that fun! Look's like that's all for tonight's roast, thank you so much #Bonicos 🔝  humor from all.