1.Ask small children if they have seen any suspicious-looking sea monsters lately
2.Ask a lifeguard if skinny-dipping is allowed
3.Sit in front of a water jet, make moaning sounds and say, ''Oh yeah... oooh that feels soooo good....''
4.Stand on top of the high board and say you won't come down until your demands are met
5.Ask people if they have seen your pet shark
6.Ask an attractive lifeguard to practise CPR on you
7.When in line, ask strangers if they think invisble people get a discount.
8.Play Marco-Polo by yourself
9.Sit on the top of the water slide and don't move
10.Sit in the baby pool and play with the toys
1) More fun to complain about them to your friends.
2) Guys who actually like you just aren't challenging or exciting.
3) When you do date nice guys, they turn into jerks anyway, so why not save time and go for the jerk in the first place?
4) You won't get as emotionally attached to a jerk, so you'll be more in control.
5) All the other women want them, so they must be worth having.
6) Affection means more when it comes from a guy who doesn't normally give it.
7) Guaranteed to cheat on you so someone else can endure his lack of lovemaking skills most of the time.
8) No need to feel guilty for abusing or deceiving them.
9) Jerks will actually tell you when they don't like what you're doing instead of getting mad about it six months later.
10) Looking for someone you can't trust, and won't care about too much, who will abuse you mentally and financially, but you don't know any lawyers.
1.People come up to you and say, "You know. . . you're really ugly".
2.People always asking you, "Who hit you with a pick-ax?"
3.You only go on blind dates. . . with men who are actually blind.
4.Every time you go on a date, the guy brings a 10 foot pole.
5.The police give you a ticket for indecent exposure. . . of your face.
6.They use your picture as an antidote for Viagra overdoses.
7.The last time you were mounted. . . was by a horse jockey.
8.You ask the beautician at a cosmetics counter for something that will make your face more appealing. She hands you a bag.
9.Your name rhymes with Ghoopi Woldberg.
10.Even Linda Tripp feels sorry for you.
11.Even Bill Clinton won't hit on you.
12.Your name rhymes with Jaula Pones.
13.Grocery clerks ask if you want paper or plastic. . . over your head.
14.People ask you how long you've had that flesh eating bacteria on your face.
15.Men look at you and say "dynamite. . . probably hit your face!"
16.People stop you outside the state department, and ask, "Can I have your autograph, Mrs. Albright?
17.The grocery store gives you a paper bag when you ENTER the store.
18.Your last name is "Duckling".
1) Thou shall not sneak out when parents are sleeping.
(why wait that long?)
2) Thou shalt not do drugs
(alcohol lasts longer, not to mention being cheaper)
3) Thou shalt not steal from K-Mart
(Wal*Mart has a bigger selection)
4) Thou shalt not be arrested for vandalism
(destruction has a bigger effect, I can tell ya all about this)
5) Thou shalt not steal from thine parents
(everyone knows grandma has more money)
6) Thou shalt not get into fights (cat fights anyhow)
(just start them)
7) Thou shall not skip class.
(just take the whole day off)
8) Thou shall not strip in class.
(Hooters pays more)
9) Thou shall not think about having sex.
(like Nike says, "'Just Do It")
10) Thou shall not help old ladies cross the street.
(just leave 'em in the middle)
