uh sneak peek to a piece in the YouTube collection I am working on
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Listen,
I know I am the one that walked away.
I do blame myself.
I do sit in the dark
scrolling on my phone
thinking to myself
that I'm the reason I'm alone.
I just don't feel like I deserve to be loved.
I don't think it would be fair
to burden anyone else with me.
I am a complicated person
but so is everyone else
so I suppose that is my narcissism speaking.
I just hate that I walked away
that I left our almost 3 years wasted
I am sorry for wasting your time.
I just ceased to be for a few months.
I hope you don't hate me
because I sure as hell hate myself
I scroll apps always comparing
wish I could be someone else
I honestly
hope that he makes you happy
and that he treats you
the way you deserve to be treated.
I am working on myself
trying to convince myself
that I am deserving of love
so that when someone comes around
and sees something in me
I don't ruin it.
It is just that
it is so hard at times
to see myself as something redeemable.
They wouldn't love me if they knew what I knew.
That toxic mindset lead me to shutting you out
to shutting my friends out
to never leaving my room
and to leaving my parents in the dark
and to letting my mental health plummet
I just want to be who I was before quarantine
but I know I wasn't always happy then either.
I am sorry for my inconsistency.
I am sorry for my cowardice.
I am sorry that some nights
I just shutdown
and I feel so fucking powerless
I am working on it
I promise you that.
