Melony: alright! Bonding time with my mom! Over video games. Sober video games. Nope, no marijuana here. Totally high on Mario. With my mom. …Maybe I should re-consider the path I’m taking with this train of thought.
Mom: Okay so since it’s Wii all I have to do is wiggle the controller in the direction I wanna go right?
Melony: Heh, heh, no. Hold it like an NES controller.
Mom: There’s a controller for Loch Ness monsters?
Melony: … A Nintendo entertainment system, the thing we used to play Mario on?
Mom: Oh, right, yeah. I never played that.
Melony: Okay, you hold it like this.
Mom: Like this? *upside down*
Melony: No, like this.
Mom: Like this? *phallic*
Melony: God no.
Mom: Like this? *guitar controller*
Melony: …
-cut to-
Melony: Alright! Bonding time with my mom! Now that we’ve figured out the controls! Totally sober! No illegal activity involved! How did you already fuck up?!
Mom: Where’d I go?
Melony: You ran into a goomba! Okay, I popped your bub ALREADY.
Mom: You’re supposed to run into Goombas!
Melony: No … no you don’t.
-cut to-
Melony: MOM STOP MOVING.
Mom: I CAN’T STOP.
Melony: Yes you can!
Mom: Evil never stops, so I can’t!
Melony: Thelowest forms of evil will kick your ass if you don’t
Mom: Hey don’t threaten me!
Melony: I’m not threatening – and now you’re dead.
-cut to-
Melony: Okay, somehow we got to the Yoshi level.
Mom: What’s Yoshi doing in a Mario game?
Melony: Yoshi was always in Mario games…
Mom: But Yoshi’s a pok-ey-mon!
Melony: …Yeah, sure.
-cut to-
Melony: HOW MANY TIMES HAVE I TOLD YOU NOT TO RUN INTO THE CREATURES
Mom: BUT I WANNA RIDE A TURTLE!
Melony: YOU CAN’T RIDE THE TURTLES YOU CAN ONLY RIDE THE YOSHIS
Mom: BUT IT’S UNETHICAL TO RIDE POK-E-MONS!
Melony: YOSHI IS NOT A POKEMON HE’S A MALE DINOSAUR THAT BIRTHS EGGS
Mom: … So he’s a transgendered pok-ey-mon?
Melony: NO.
Mom: Oh so he’s a seahorse pok-ey-mon?
Melony: Oh my God shut up and hit this bong already!
Mom:…
Melony: I mean um … I don’t do drugs with my parents?
