Growing up as a Mexican-American firstborn son, I faced immense pressure to excel academically and eventually conform to the traditional path of marriage and children. Despite always being aware of my gay identity, I chose to keep it hidden, working hard throughout school to maintain a facade. Consequently, I had very few close friends and remained secretive about my true self.
However, attending my college orientation was a turning point for me. It was there that I realized I wanted to embark on my personal journey of self-discovery. Gradually, I started to be more open and honest with those around me. During my second year, I took a significant step by inviting my youngest brother to a Pok茅mon tournament with some of my college friends. It was crucial for me to come out to him, as it would allow me to be my authentic self among my friends. Thankfully, he responded with remarkable acceptance and support. Nevertheless, I still had to broach the topic with my parents and my other brother, but that would come years later.
In 2016, the Orlando Pulse shooting struck fear in my heart. I dreaded the idea of my parents discovering my sexuality through a tragic incident at a club or bar. Consequently, I started contemplating how to approach my other brother about it. Eventually, I sat down with him for a one-on-one conversation, revealing that my distant behavior toward him during our junior high years stemmed from my fear of him facing bullying or negative consequences due to having a gay brother. I confessed that I purposely avoided him in high school and college because I couldn't be true to myself. Surprisingly, he expressed his love for me and reassured me that my worries were unfounded. We shared a cathartic cry and strengthened our bond.
The time finally arrived for me to disclose my sexuality to my parents. At that point in my life, I had recently introduced them to watching Survivor on Wednesday nights, making it a routine to visit them for dinner and the show. I decided that I would reveal the truth after the episode. Unbeknownst to me, my Aunt paid a visit that evening. Knowing her newfound religious devotion, I realized I couldn't broach the subject in her presence. Unfortunately, she ended up staying for many hours, engaging in an extensive conversation with my mom until around 10 PM. When my parents questioned why I was still there, I simply stated that I wanted to spend some more time with them. Once my aunt departed, I gathered the courage to talk to them, expressing my fears about the Orlando shooting and explaining that I was capable of living authentically and that I loved them dearly. I wanted to spare them any potential distress.
Tears were shed, and while my dad struggled to fully comprehend the situation, my mom cried almost as much as I did. However, she swiftly shifted the focus, urging me to be a good brother to my siblings, particularly emphasizing the youngest one's need for my support. She acknowledged that my emotional distance had been problematic, but assured me that they never wished to intrude upon my life. I had always been a dutiful son, and my excuses for my detachment, which revolved around work or school, suddenly made sense to them. They realized that I had been concealing my true self not out of disinterest in being part of the family, but rather due to my overwhelming shame.
Now, many years have passed. I have a wonderful and supportive boyfriend who is cherished by my family. I have friends from all corners of the world and countless delightful stories to share. Thank you for taking the time to read my story, and happy #pride!
I LOVE U!!!