Today, March 4th, is originally the day of US inaugural addresses, before it was changed to Jan. 20th (I believe during the FDR administration). So since today is so special, and since the republicans are in a civil war (that party is no stranger to civil wars. Ask Lincoln) I figured it's time to recruit some previous republican candidates for alternative primary elections, that would be more realistic than the current fantasy primaries we're having.
Please welcome the former republican presidents, from the annals of the 20th century and the dawn of the 21st:
Theodore Roosevelt: I have a stick!
William Howard Taft: I'm fat, yall!
Dwight Eisenhower: Can I run against a someone serious?
Richard Nixon: Pardon me?
Gerald Ford: I'd like to be elected, for a change.
Ronald Wilson Reagan: Stop calling me Bonzo!
George H. W. Bush: Get me a parachute!
George W. Bush: I was misunderestimatedededed
And.... just because I can resurrect the dead... a final addition of the only candidate who was never a president, and never ran:
Antonin Scalia: Vote for me, young people! I voted to let you play GTA!
