As I was walking from the university to the apartment, hashing it all up in my head, scenarios started coming to me, from real and fictional events, about that attitude of having that debate, that discussion, open and honest. Dennis Prager, my #1 hero, has several catch phrases. One of them is "I prefer clarity to agreements". I'm actually writing something about him for an essay a friend of mine is doing. I'll post that here later on.
One of the things I thought about was Barack Obama, and his book "Dreams from My Father". In that book, Obama describes his father, Barack Obama Sr., as someone who could walk to a room filled with haters and disarm them with his words and good character. I didn't finish the book, but I understand that despite some unresolved issues, and some anger, he looks up to his father. That might be a part of why he's always into talking to the most vile characters on the planet. While I do understand where he's coming from, I think in some contexts that attitude is wrong. Nevertheless, it should be helpful in some occassions, as I'll talk about in a second.
Another anecdote I thought about was an article I read once by Thomas Sowell (a black conservative, how'bout that?). Sowell wrote an article about civil discourse, and how it's gradually disappearing from the view in America. He told a story of how his friend once told him that HER friend read his article, and disagreed with an important point. Sowell had lunch with his friend's friend and they talked about it. The conversation still goes on to this day, now that they're married, and they still haven't resolved that particular issue.
Another anecdote: In the amazing TV drama "The Shield", a uniformed cop named Julian (black, gay, and fundamentalist Christian, how bout that?!) takes the pictures of young men suspected to be affiliated with gangs, and puts them up on the board. All cops do that, as a part of new policy. In one instance, he decided to try to talk to a kid who is about 10, because he wants to give him a chance. He doesn't want the new policy to ruin his life. That kid dismisses him. Later, in the evening, Julian arrives to that boy's house, telling him that he STILL didn't hang the picture anywhere, repeating to him again and again that he was a young black man in this type of neighborhood and grew up to make something of himself, by joining the police. The black child dismisses him once again, telling him where to go and what he should do when he gets there. As the kid turns his back to him Julian says: "I just wanted to know what to do with this picture." And as the kid leaves Julian silently adds "Now I know."
I'm writing this because the event I described in part 1 of this post is something I'm familliar with, with varying results throughout my life. I just think it's sometimes good to put things out there and reveal what's what to people you disagree with. Then whether they respond to you or walk away, you pretty much have a better grasp of where things stand. And something you held on to is released. I don't do it enough.
I said it's related to tengaged, because it happens a lot here too. People make friends, and are then forced to stab them in the back, or find out that THEY have been stabbed by their friends. People making alliances, sometimes more than one. People accusing other people (both rightly and falsely) of alliances. People accusing other people (both rightly and falsely) of negging them. People nominated over stuff they didn't do. People forced to choose between their alliances and people they genuinely like, etc.
I had some arguments with people here over these things and others. Such as the kind of atmosphere that different people are bringing into the "big brother house", etc. I had arguments with NoelSarah, with Snappy, with blazeofglory, with thegreatxl, to name a few. With those four I actually talked things over. It actually sucks because if you solve all of your problems, and run out of enemies, and become friendly and close to people who were strangers or enemies... YOU HAVE NOBODY TO NOMINATE. But still, it gives a nice feeling when people discuss these issues and put them to rest. The four people I mentioned are people I talked to and reconciled with. Which is great since in one of my games I go on public record and say F U to one of them. One of these four people happens to be 14 years old. That psudo-intellectual girl who humiliates people in public... not only does she says some things that sound like me when I was 17 (and was still more deep than her) but she's less deep and less sensitive and less nuanced than a fuckin 14 year old I met online.
Comments
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And I thought what we did was more of a debate than anything else. =)
I'm glad we talked things out Grant, rather have friends than enimes :) Shame you got evicted right after but as you say about alliances and friends, at the time it was all up in the air in our little game, heh.
if i have an opinion on something, i tend to try to get it across the table as it seems like you do. you to just seem to have some "friendly" debates. ^_^ ... just dont take things personal!
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And I thought what we did was more of a debate than anything else. =)